Blurred Lines
by TrulyWished
Summary: Hee, a new story to keep me from studying for midterms! It is officially Kira/Ikkaku porn pieces. Yay! Not much for plot, pieces of life, love, and sex to amuse us all. A little about Yumichika and Shuhei, at least for the moment.
1. Chapter 1

This started out as a three page PWP and somehow grew. There is no smut of any kind for seven pages! L I'm so ashamed. Not really but what the hell. I hope you'll enjoy it and leave me feedback either way.

So I waffled for a few days as to whether or not I should post it on FF. I decided to because I know there are some people here who like my things (thank you) and this way they'll be alerted. Not that you have to read it or anything, but it's an enjoyable piece so I hope it will be worth the effort. 

Blurred Lines

Pretty Kira, sweet Kira, what am I going to do with you? He's sleeping, finally, curled in a little ball and hogging the blanket. His birthday is coming up next week and all he'll say is 'spend the day with me.' No ideas for a gift, nothing about what he wants to do. 

So tired today, he ran hard all morning and afternoon then sat there and signed reports until late. Then he came home, ate nearly nothing, had a bath and jumped me. For a bit there, I didn't think he'd even be awake long enough for sex. Should have known better. A quiet smile flicks over my lips. I honestly have no idea where he gets his energy from; I'd have been flat by noon. Now, he'll sleep for a few hours and do it all again. I shake my head and brush his bangs back. A quiet murmur and he shifts closer, pressing his nose to my side. "Shh, just sleep." 

Even if he can't hear me, it's nice to talk to him. I always stay up late and chat, tell him about my day, what I thought, how wonderful and special he is. All the things I can't say to his face when he's awake. Though he would smile and nod, and might even say them back, he'd still laugh at me; he always says I'm too sentimental. That brings a smile to my face; Yume nearly choked on his tea when he heard that one. 

Back to the problem at hand; what to get him for his birthday? As far as I know, I'm the only one who knows about it. I figured it out a few years ago while snooping through his enlistment file but he never mentions it and no one else seems to think anything of it. When it passed the first year without even a ripple, I was surprised. But not as surprised as he was to come home to a small cake and present. Shocked might be a better word. 

I got a smile and a thank you kiss but he was a bit distant and avoided any questions. By morning he was back to normal, full of bright smiles and quiet kisses. Renji just looked at me like I was an idiot when I asked why they didn't do anything. Said "No one knows Kira's birthday, moron. It's the one thing he won't tell anyone." 

So now it's our little secret. Every year, I get him that cheesecake he likes so much but can never justify spending our grocery money on and a little present. But not this year. This year, it's gonna be good. Something special. My eyes cut to the bottom cupboard of the dresser. I already have a present but I want to do something for him too, something he wants. Something he'll remember. 

Something he needs. I start to grin and run a finger over the curve of his ass. A soft sigh and he snuggles in closer, small hands curling into fists against my chest. Yeah, I could do that. Something really kinky, something that will make him scream for me. I lift my hand and let wild reitsu trail his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Doable, maybe, if I work at it a bit. 

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Yumichika is sitting on the porch, idly painting his nails, one eye alert for signs of Yachiru. She'd already ruined one coat and he'd been forced to start all over. But the yard is silent, no shrieks of excitement or even the rumble of low voices. Quiet humming starts as he holds up one hand of perfectly polished nails and smiles. 

A few seconds of blowing on them and he starts the other hand, sliding the little brush carefully from base to tip. As a hand brushes his shoulder, he suddenly jerks, making a squiggly line of blue over his finger tip. "Ah! You fucking bastard, I'm going to… Ikka?" Surprise blunts the temper tantrum as he turns and looks at me standing in the doorway, nearly ten feet away. 

"Hey, Yume. What's goin' on?" He looks so shocked; I guess it was a good manifestation after all. Just as well, I worked on that all day yesterday. 

Uh oh. His eyes are getting darker and he's frowning. "Did you do that?" He doesn't even wait for a response. "Well that's just lovely, thank you ever so much! I _love_ repainting my nails a dozen times a day!" Oh yeah, he's pissed. 

"Aw, come on, don't be like that. I reached you all the way over there, didn't I?" He's still glaring and I hold out my hand for the polish. "Here, I'll fix it up for you." Instant happiness. I swear he's bipolar or something. 

A spot is cleared of bottles and fuzzy things for me and I sit and start to paint slowly. No matter how often Iba says it makes me a pansy, I'd rather paint Yume's nails a million times than smudge them once. It's kind of like coloring with Yachiru; stay in the lines or you'll die. "When did you learn to do that?" He's watching me like the small, sneaky predator he is, waiting for me to make a mistake. 

"Been practicing. Not bad, huh?" A quiet hum of agreement. "Did you get those papers filled out?" The transfer forms have been sitting on my old desk for months and Yume finally decided to fill a few out. Something about wanting to take over the Third but I doubt Kira will just let him. I kind of wanted to but I've got my hands full between running the Fifth and helping Renji along with the Ninth. 

At least he and Shuhei are getting along well. They're both hotheaded idiots, shouldn't be a problem. "Ah, ah, Ikka!" Aw shit. "Smudge, you left a smudge!" Skinny fingers flutter frantically against my palm. 

"Well if you'd stop jerking around like a damn fish, I wouldn't. Hold still." I squeeze his wrist until he flinches and freezes up, still muttering away about smudges and ugliness on his perfection. Freak. A few dabs and the color is again confined to those talons he calls nails. "There, fixed." 

Big fake tears roll over his cheeks and I poke him in the nose. "Ikka, you're so mean to me!" 

Yeah, I'm just horrible. "You're ok. Look, see?" I lift his hands for him to see more clearly. "Perfect, just like you." That almost makes me choke but he's smiling again, all bright eyes and pink cheeks. 

"Ikka!" He somehow manages to wriggle his way into my lap, arms carefully placed over my shoulders. "Thank you, it's lovely!" 

"Yeah, yeah. Coming to spar later?" 

He pulls back and stares. "Certainly! Shu-bunny will be there, of course I'm going." 

I groan loudly. "Don't _say_ that!" I pity the poor bastard. "Doesn't it bother you that he hates being called that?" Dark hair shakes immediately and an impudent smile makes me shake my head. "Whatever. I'm going to the Human World tonight. Want to come?" This is going to be embarrassing as hell but I can admit when I'm beaten. 

I have no idea as to what I'll need or where to get it and Yume will. The little pervert, he'll know everything I need to and if I buy him something, he'll tell me. "That's unlike you." I grunt at him as he examines the hot blush in my cheeks. "Oh, oh! We're going shopping for Kira! Oh, I know the best places and he'll just love it!" I'm thrilled he's so smart, really I am, but sometimes, he's a bit too bright. 

"Yeah, so you coming or what?" As if I could stop him now. 

A dark brow arches at me as he seems to read my mind. Faint humming and he's off, weaving his way around piles of weaponry and various other 'cute' things Yachiru has dragged home in the past few days. 

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Absolute humiliation. This is, horrible. Yeah, horrible will do. I'm wearing this stupid gigai and I feel like a freak. Yume just pranced his way into Urahara's place as if he belonged and requisitioned two bodies for us to borrow. Unfortunately, he didn't specify what he wanted and started to cry when I told him he had to take the girl. "It's so ugly, Ikka! No, I can't!" I seriously thought he was going to have a panic attack. And fucking Urahara snickering behind his stupid fan all the while. 

So, because I'm a sucker for Yumi, I'm going as a girl. To this shop that apparently sells dirty movies, magazines and everything else you can imagine. As crude as I can be, actually shopping for this crap is a bit much. And Yume! Fuck, he just wanders around, picking and choosing from stuff I've never even imagined existed. 

"Yume, hurry up." He's been playing with that, thing, for almost ten minutes and the look of glee is getting disturbing. 

A high giggle and he runs over to show me. "Look, look, this one is perfect! See?" He pushes a button and it… just squirted something at me. 

I knew I was fast but shit can I move when I want to. "What the fuck is that?" He's got the injured look again now that I'm well out of range. 

"It's a realistic feeling squirting dildo, you idiot. It's perfect. Get it." The big guy behind the till is watching us disinterestedly, not even vaguely curious. I wonder what he would think if he knew the truth? 

"Hell no." Even if I were in a guy's body right now, I'd be way too embarrassed to buy something like that. Why did I even come here? 

Suddenly Yume is right up in my face, nose nearly touching mine. How does he always manage to get that close? "Now you look here. I brought you so we could find something nice for Kira's birthday and all you do is bitch. You know what you are? Selfish! You are a selfish prick and I hope he leaves you when he sees whatever crappy present you get him." An indignant sniff and off he goes, head up, little nose in the air. 

Fuck. "Fine." His shoulders jerk but he doesn't look back. "I'm sorry, ok?" Alright, I give; it must be humiliate Ikkaku day or something. "Yume, will you help me find something?" He's gonna make me say it, I can tell by the way he peeks over his shoulder. "Please?" 

"Okay!" Bipolar, I swear. And he's still got that stupid thing in his hand. It's shoved into mine and off he darts, roaming from wall to wall, gathering more than his little arms could possibly hope to carry. Which I suppose is the real reason I was brought along, never mind that I meant to have _him_ help _me_ shop. By the time he's done, I think we have half the store piled on a table he's cleared for our use. Still no reaction from the clerk, other than to drag out a magazine and flip though it. 

"There is no way we're getting all this crap past Yamamoto." Technically, nothing from the Human world is allowed to come back with us. Of course everyone ignores that little rule but I'm pretty sure we'll get picked up with this much stuff. Explaining exactly what it is and what it's for is not something I'm willing to do. "I'm taking this and this." I can't even say what's on the boxes. This was such a stupid idea. 

"Oh, Ikka! You have to take this one, have to, have to." He sounds just like Yachiru. "And I'm getting this one and this one and" 

"Two! You can have two things." Shuhei is going to kill me at that. Big eyes blink at me and somehow, even taller than me, he manages to look helpless and small. "No. Pick two or nothing." Immediately, he snags a pair of handcuffs with bright blue fuzz on them and, something. It looks big and I glare at the wall. I wish I were blind. 

And deaf. Now he's babbling on about how I owe him and should get him a present. As if that will happen. While I ignore him and hand the card over, the guy behind the counter looks me over, eying the unfamiliar breasts. I sneer at him and he looks away, running the system quickly. Amazing little thing, all I have to do I push four numbers and I can have whatever I want. 

Yume runs his things through without even a blush, babbling at me over his shoulder the entire time. I must have done some really nasty shit to deserve him as my best friend. Really, what kind of guy tells his best friend all about his night of wonderful sex with another guy? Other than the freak over there. And now he's latched on to my arm. "Oi, get off!" 

"Noooo, Ikka, Ikka, be my girlfriend!" Oh he's dead. That insane giggle he gets when he knows he's got me is building, muffled against my shoulder. He's just tall enough that when he leans on me, his nose nuzzles behind my ear. "No attacking in the Human World." 

I just grit my teeth and make a beeline for the shop and its portal back to safe home. I'll deal with him later. One quick stop, because Yume hauls me into this little shop and bounces around too fast for me to catch him again, and we're back. I flop on the steps and just breathe the air. "Fuck yeah." I love being home. 

Yume prances off, chatting away to himself, making plans. I grin slowly and roll onto my stomach. 'Yeah, you just make your plans buddy. I'm gonna wreak 'em all in one fell swoop.' All it takes is one of his old wigs and hiding the others. 

"Hey, Yume!" I'm standing in the middle of the courtyard, wig in hand, when he comes wandering around the corner. "Guess what?" 

He's frozen, watching me fiddle with his precious hair piece. "I, Ik, ka, ka, ku, I, ah, need that tonight. You, you know that, don, don't you?" Ha! He's almost crying already. 

"Because you were such a pain today, no date tonight!" The wig bursts into flames as I drop it, one of my only two reitsu spells that work. Kind of. I singe my fingertips and the edge of my pants but that's alright. 

The scream is completely worth it. 

I leave him sobbing on the porch, shrieking barely intelligible threats at my back. On the way by, I stop in at the Ninth Division and drop off the extra wigs with Hisagi. "Better go baby his highness." His eyes roll before he goes back to his paperwork. Who knew being Vice-Captain had so much work attached? Yachiru sure the hell doesn't do any, and nothing ever seems to show up on my desk, even without a second in command. 

It's shrugged off as hardly important. What is important is getting home and setting up before Kira decides to come back. 

Kira 

I wonder what Ikkaku has been doing all day? I've been fielding his division all afternoon as they wander in looking for him. Though why he would be at the Third is beyond me. He never comes by, says it still smells like Ichimaru. 

Which it does not. I cleaned it really, really well, disinfected everything I could reach and a few places I couldn't by just throwing bleach around. I even moved all the furniture to different places. I sigh and sign the last form of the day. How all that paper manages to pile up overnight is beyond me. And most of it is for the Vice-Captain, so I can't even just leave it for whoever takes over. Which is probably just as well, considering I'm working on Bankai and hope to take over soon. Before that damned Yumichika gets there first. 

A long stretch and I'm off. Something is happening at the Eleventh. Not that it's usually quiet over there but there is a lot of shouting tonight. Oh well, as long as Ikkaku is home, it doesn't matter. The house is silent as I walk up, all the lights out. Maybe he isn't home after all. 

I sigh quietly and let myself in before freezing in the door. Something is wrong. Or, maybe just different. "Ikkaku?" The room feels strange, the air heavy. He's definitely there but his power floods the small house and I can't tell where he is, if he's even inside. 

"Kira." His voice is low and coming from the other side of the room. I think. It's dark and hard to tell. "Close the door." 

I step through obediently and close the door quietly. This feels strange, a bit frightening. Ichimaru used to do things like this, wait for me in the dark. A few cautious steps in before his voice stops me. "Kneel." Habit sends me to my knees without a sound and I close my eyes as he moves closer, the brush of cloth giving his location away. "Do you know what day it is?" 

Think, Kira, think. "I, no. I don't." I have no idea whatsoever. Even his breathing is silent and it's as if he's vanished again. "Ikk…" I'm not afraid. I won't be afraid. 

His name is cut off by a piece of leather wrapping around my neck. My eyes roll backwards, as if I can see him without moving my head but I remain still, relaxed. "I'm disappointed. Did you forget your birthday again?" Oh, is that today? One, two, yesterday was… No, that's not right. 

"Ikkaku, my birthday is tomorrow." I gasp softly as the collar tightens; not enough to hurt or cut off my air but snug. 

Air rushes over my ear. "Are you arguing with me?" My hands are grabbed and pulled behind my back, a thin cord wrapping around them. "What happens when you talk back to me?" 

Breath is getting harder already and my fingers wiggle helplessly. I love to be here, under his hands and in his control but it feels strange. Ikkaku doesn't usually want to play these games with me, not without me asking first. It's exciting that he wants to take control on his own. "I'm sorry, sir." I whisper just loud enough for him to hear and relish the jerk at my collar. 

"What? Speak up!" Thick fingers trail over my lips and up to cover my eyes. 

They are followed by heavy cloth that wraps around my head and is tightened in the back. "I'm sorry, sir. Please forgive me." My tongue flicks over the pads of his fingers as they wander my face again. 

"Huh. Better." He sounds satisfied and kisses my ear, nibbling at the lobe gently. "What should I do with my pretty Kira, hmm?" I hold in the quiet gasp as he threatens soft skin with the edges of sharp teeth. "Does my sweet Izuru remember what to say?" 

Oh yes. I let out a moan as my groin grows heavy at his words. If he thinks we need a safe word, this will be a night to remember. "Yes, Madarame." It's always the same, his name that no one calls. Except me. Warmth curls in my chest that has nothing to do with arousal. I've only used it once and it was to make sure he would stop, before it got too far. 

He was so upset and worried that he had hurt me, I felt horrible for months but I couldn't tell him why I said it. To test him, and myself at the same time, because I could only say it if I knew he would stop. In all the years with Ichimaru, I never used a safe word, not even once, because deep down I knew he wouldn't stop, no matter what I said. And that would have killed me, to know he loved me so little. 

Ikkaku's low voice brings me back to the present. "Good." Suddenly the warmth of his body is gone and I'm left kneeling on the floor. Metal brushes metal and goosebumps rise on my arms; my bangs shake into my face, hiding the sudden quiver of unease. A freezing cold blade eases along my neck, blunt side in, before gliding down my spine. Cloth parts with a mere whisper of sound and movement, falling to hang from my arms. The blade trails my arms from shoulder to wrist then slips by the waist of my pants. My breath catches as my pants part over the thigh and fall between my legs, leaving me naked. 

The air feels warm after the cold of the knife and a soft cry escapes as warm breath blows over my skin. A sharp slap to my thigh and I bite my lip to hold back the cry. "Did I say you could make noise? Be quiet." 

A murmured "Yes, Sir," and I try to remain silent as he tugs at the tatters of my clothes and teases me with his heat. The room is quiet and still dark, not even a hint of light slipping past the blindfold. Large hands rest on my hips and I suddenly hear a tiny 'click.' The door has opened and a second quiet noise signals it has shut again. 

Is someone there? Ikkaku can't reach the door, not from where I knelt, and he's touching me with both hands. There must be someone here. Someone watching. My breath stutters in my chest and Ikkaku leans forward to lick my lips. "Shh, baby, shh." A small round object is pressed into my hand and I cling to the familiar toy; it's a blue and red rubber ball with a bell inside. A backup system, and if it falls, we're done. 

The tension in my shoulders drains away as I squeeze it a few times, letting the familiar jingle sooth me. Large hands rub over my shoulders and back, soothing while I think. Of course I can trust Ikkaku. He loves me and would never hurt me. If he's invited someone to join us, then it will be someone I like and trust as well, even if only to watch. It's strange because he is usually so possessive and jealous but it will be fine. A short nod and I can feel his smile. 

I suck on my lower lip as he licks the back of my shoulder, just at the edge of where I lose feeling. Shudders rack my body as he teases back and forth over the line, hot tongue and cool breath changing places and I can never tell where he'll be next. His hands slide over my stomach and circle my navel, large palms easily spanning my waist. So big, everything about him is so big. 

It's comforting too, his heat and size, because they are always there to protect me from anything. A smile flits in my mind; even the silly things, like puddles. Last time it rained I wasn't allowed to walk and had to put up with Mahiko from the Fifth stalking me and trying to carry me every time I tried to go outside. My head snaps back as a nipple is twisted gently. "Ah, ah!" 

A big hand slaps my ass, sending me leaning forward, eyes watering. "You know, for such a smart little guy, you really don't learn very quickly, do you?" I whimper into the carpet and try to bring myself back up to sit. "Naw, just stay put. This is better anyway." Callused fingers trail the tingling area, massaging the pain away. 

His hands move up my chest to tease a sensitive nipple and play with my hair, tucking it to the side. Gentle fingers slide over my ass as a stray bang is pulled into place. I arch into the touch for an instant before I realize that makes three. Three hands touching me, three hands slipping over my skin, three hands exploring my body as I squirm under them. Quiet rumbling against my back and Ikkaku leans over me, pressing his clothed chest to my bare back. "No, please, no…" 

I'm not sure I mean it. It feels good, skilled hands discovering my sensitive places, sliding into me. But I've never had two at one time; I've only had two lovers at all. "Hush now, be a good boy and be quiet." The quiet voice whispers over my ear and I whimper as I'm stroked slowly, my cock tunneled loosely. 

He loves me, I know he does, and he would never hurt me. I believe that. Even if nothing else makes sense, if the world crumbles again, Ikkaku loves me and will protect me until his last breath. 

A quiet sigh as I relax again and lean into his arms, stretching into the petting hand on my hip. Another joins it and I'm surrounded, stroked and pressed from all directions. They move seamlessly, covering my skin in differing pressures and textures. Ikkaku's hands are sword callused and rough, though he uses them gently. The other's hands are almost clumsy in their touch but smooth; they feel strange but it must be because I'm not used to being touched by anyone but my partner. 

Ikkaku's fingers skim my spine and I arch back, raising my ass the way he likes. A groan of appreciation and I smile to myself, flexing a bit. Cool oil slides between my cheeks and is pressed inside lightly, just past the first ring of muscle. Barely enough to even give me the faint stretch I love. Tiny circles taunt me until I cry out and reach with my fingers, wiggling against the bonds. A soft chuckle and the strange hands press to me again, thin fingers sliding inside. 

Such an intimate touch from someone I can't identify. Terrifying and exhilarating at the same time, my breath comes in short gasps as another finger is added. It's fast and stings but his fingers are small and delicate. I'm so curious but I don't want to know. How could I face them knowing they'd seen me crying to be fucked? A rustle of cloth and the faintest splash from the side and I turn my head, lifting it a little even though I can't see. The collar tugs at my neck, forcing my head just a bit higher than is comfortable. 

The head of a cock brushes my lips and I open my mouth obediently. Ikkaku, it's definitely him and I swallow as much as I can reach, flicking my tongue over the head as I suck slowly, bobbing a little with my limited range of movement. But it doesn't matter; he's thrusting into me, brushing the back of my throat with each movement. I can't hold back anymore, low moans quivering around his flesh as the fingers in my ass stroke over my prostate again and again. 

He pulls away from me with a groan and shifts himself around a little to finger me firmly, making me squeak and push back. Much better, his thicker, more solid fingers find just the right places to pet. They're removed after a minute and I whimper, trying to follow with my hips. Another spank, not hard but a warning for me to behave myself. It's good, the small pain to counter the pleasure; I hum into Ikkaku's thigh, nuzzling the heavy cloth as warm flesh presses to my opening. 

Tight, it's tight, I cry out in mild protest against the burn of entry. The insistent push stops but pressure is still pressed to me; a small break but he is clearly going to continue. My fingers wiggle and reach, hoping to brush the hard abs but come against only air. Another soft cry is muffled in the hakama pants and I pant as he starts to push inside again. 

Wait. 

If I'm using Ikkaku as a pillow, he can't be inside me. My head snaps up and I choke on my breath, scrambling to speak. "Ikkaku!" 

"Yeah, baby. I'm right here." It is him beside me, his face down near mine. He's letting someone else fuck me? A tear comes from nowhere and courses down my cheek. "Izuru, are you ok? Want to stop?" I, I, I don't know what to do, I don't want this but I don't want to make him angry with me either. "I won't be mad, I promise." He always knows exactly what I'm thinking. 

His finger trails my neck and slides down my arm to tap gently on the wrist of the hand holding my ball. All I have to do is let go and he'll release me. Or I can trust him. Long minutes of indecision pass, the red ball squeaking in my fist before I squeeze it tightly and nod. "Okay." I _do_ trust him, with my body and my love. 

As long as he's here beside me, it will be alright. 

The push starts again and I try to relax, to let him in as more oil is poured over my ass. Full, so incredibly full, it's almost too much, the pain bordering on overwhelming. Finally, it stops and I breathe deeply, panting as I adjust. A gentle finger tilts my head up to rub the tip of a weeping erection to my lips and I take it in again, testing the edges of my teeth gently. A slow withdrawal of the cock in my ass and an even slower thrust leave me moaning around the hot erection in my mouth. 

My hips move a little, angling just the extra bit to press the thrusting tip against my prostate. Pleasure so intense it hurts arcs through me and I jerk forward then back, caught between them. The position is uncomfortable, my neck twisted just a bit too much, my back arched at just barely the wrong angle but it doesn't matter. Only moving between them matters. 

No matter how I wriggle and arch, I can't get anymore contact. Only the nearly ghostly hands on my hips, the heavy warmth inside me, and Ikkaku at my lips. It feels strange, as if I'm fucking a disembodied cock. My cries are getting louder, the press of Ikkaku's power growing as he pulses on my tongue, pushing further into my mouth. 

I'm so close, my legs shaking as the heaviness in my groin grows; I pull away from sucking Ikkaku off to pant loudly in the quiet room. The thrusts speed up quickly and I scream as hot liquid spurts inside me. I feel my own orgasm begin and shudder, cock jerking between my thighs. A hard hand wraps around the base, gripping it firmly. "No." Ikkaku's voice from above me again, commanding me as I sob in frustration and thrust back towards the still twitching member inside me. 

It pulls away as Ikkaku speaks firmly. "You don't come for anyone else. Only me." Cold leather wraps around the base of my length and tears slide quickly over my skin as he tightens it. When he releases the end, it falls to slap lightly against my balls, rushing them with every jerk of my erection. The bastard chuckles and wraps his arms around my stomach, dropping kisses long my neck as he turns me enough to press my back to his chest. 

I'm pulled to my knees and reach back blindly, aching to have him inside. His stomach is hot and hard under my fingers and I trace over old scars and heavy muscle, easing cloth out of my way as I go. "Yes, only you." Anything, as long as he comes to me. The head of his erection presses to my entrance and slips in effortlessly, the way smoothed by cooling semen and oil. 

Heavy thrusts push me upwards, balanced on his thighs as he slams into me. I ache, arousal pounding against me as he whispers sweet words of love against my hair. 

Ikkaku 

He's so fucking beautiful. For a minute, I thought he might refuse when I first settled the toy to his entrance but he just sighed and nodded, quiet voice agreeing to whatever I want. Sometimes he's too obedient. I watch carefully as I push gently, forcing the wide toy past the tight opening, looking for signs of pain or injury. Even then, I stop just over half way, hands running over his back as the ghost hands caress his thighs. 

I tip his face upwards and ease my hips forward, inviting him to suck me. Which he does, little tongue flickering over the head before he swallows me down. That mouth should be illegal and probably is in most of the Rukongai. Soft sucking sounds make me half close my eyes and tug gently at the artificial cock, watching it slide out and back in as he moans around me. 

The quiet sound vibrates up my shaft and I echo him quietly. He's so wanton, moving between my hands and cock, arching and twisting as he cries his pleasure into my skin. Every suck moves me to thrust against his mouth, parting his bright lips further as he takes more and more of me into himself. Faster and harder, I shove the toy into him, forcing him to rock between the two cocks. 

Finally, I can't wait any longer and push the little button to release the mechanism. The  
slender body jolts and screams as warm oil spurts into him. His cock is shaking and I grab him quickly, holding his orgasm back. "No." I will never share that much of him, even with an imaginary lover. Heavy sobs as he arches back and tries to move, long bangs shivering as he fights my hold. "You don't come for anyone else. Only me." 

A strip of leather is grabbed from its place beside the water basin and I slide it around the base of his twitching cock. A muffled denial as I finish tying it and let the loose end drop to tease delicate skin. For a second, I watch as he jolts and whines with every quiver of his length. A quiet laugh and I pull him around to snuggle into my chest, kisses lining the nape of his graceful neck. 

His fingers sneak over my skin, twisting inside my clothes to pet, short nails digging in to pull me closer. "Yes, only you." It's wonderful to hear that, that he still wants me, needs me. His opening is slick and relaxed, begging for me to enter; he's so light I can lift him with one arm and position myself with my free hand. His panting is delicious, his moans exquisite as I thrust eagerly, sliding into that fantastic heat and wet tightness. 

Not long, I can't wait too long. But I want it to last; his words are like a spell, whispering invisible bonds that will contain me for my entire life. I find myself repeating them, babbling into his hair how precious he is. My movements slow and I pet him softly, gently plucking at his nipples and tapping the tip of his ignored cock. 

By the time I've stopped moving, he's screaming, shrieking in his need, and I let him, let his voice rise and the tightening of his abs squeeze me tightly. Too much, he's too tight, too beautiful and inviting and seductive in his desire of me. I've never been wanted like this, had someone make me their entire world the way he does. When I start to move quickly, he yells his encouragement and jolts against me. 

A faint jingle catches my attention and I open my eyes to look for it, curious. I freeze at the sight of the small red and blue ball rolling across the floor. Kira's still moving under me, trying to get closer but I hold him away. "Baby, Kira, I'm sorry, just hold on, ok?" Oh fuck, I hurt him, I know I did. I was too rough and I hurt him. 

I'm no better than Ichimaru 

"No! No, no, no, no" He's babbling, fighting my hands as I pull away from him completely and fumble with the ties at his hands. 

They've knotted somehow and I can only loosen them a bit, my fingers shaking too much to untie them properly. "Just a second, sweetheart, I'm so sorry, I'll get you free." Maybe I should take the blindfold off first, maybe he won't be scared. Or the collar. Shit! He must be terrified, I have to sit on him to keep him down while he kicks and shrieks unintelligibly. 

Fuck this. I grab the knife I used to remove his clothes earlier and slice through the cord holding his hands then the cloth over his eyes. "Izuru?" He's gone silent and still. "Baby, darling, come on, answer me!" I've never felt this kind of panic before. Not in a fight, not when Yume dragged himself home battered and bruised, not when I faced Zaraki for the first time, not even when I came back from my mission to the Human World and couldn't find Kira anywhere. 

A faint growl and I'm flying. My head cracks on the floor and I stare up at the wild blue glaring down at me as slim thighs clamp down on my waist. "You are such a jerk." Even if I tried to get up, I wouldn't be able to move; Kira's power matches mine and shoves me to the floor as he aligns himself and slides down over me. Blond tilts back and his bangs fall away from his face, leaving him exposed and gorgeous. The stark black of the collar around his neck leaves me panting with crossed eyes, a visible sign of my possession. 

Small hands press to my stomach as he raises and lowers himself, moaning and crying above me. My palms rest on his hips and I help him move, setting a fast, hard pace. Relief throbs in my chest, driving me higher as he screams and jerks above me. His hands are fumbling at his cock, one stroking frantically and the other fighting with the tie. 

My hands are steady now as I take over, undoing the clasp and pulling leather free with a wet slick. It's slippery with precum and oil and I just drop the strip wherever it may fall, ignoring it in favor of adoring my precious lover. His stomach flexes and I run my thumbs over it, pressing just below his navel; my cock throbs as it's massaged through his walls, the spongy bump of his prostate forced into contact with me. 

One final thrust and he's coming, chest jerking as he rides me, breath frozen in his throat. I love this, this moment when he stops breathing; he would let me kill him without even a whimper of protest. I can even understand Ichimaru's obsession with him at this moment, this shining, unique instant that I wish would never end. 

But I am not Ichimaru and I love Kira's smile more than any frozen moment. I remove my hands and tap his stomach gently until he gasps air in, tightening his body. It's exactly enough to push me over the edge after him and I pulse rapidly, arching to shove deeply, clenching heat drawing me in. 

Long moments pass as he collapses onto my chest, heart beating like a frightened bird's, fluttery and strong. Gentle caresses of his fingertips trail my shoulders and cheeks while I kiss him, parting his lips quietly. "Happy Birthday, Izuru." 

"Thank you, Ikkaku." He's dying to ask, I can tell. But he might be too shy. A lazy flick of power and the lamp covers flip off; I left them burning earlier so I wouldn't have to get up and light them. Curious blue eyes glance around, seeking another person, or even a sign of his presence. 

The basin of cooling water, the bottle of oil, cord, the thin leather strip, the heavy toy; all are taken in and he frowns a bit. "Ikkaku?" 

"Yes?" A smile tugs at my lips, and he frowns even more. "Kira, you really think I could share you with someone else?" A start and red stains his pale cheeks. "Of course not. You're mine and I don't share well." 

"But…" His voice trails away and I grin; if even a master like Kira can't figure it out, I must be getting good at it. Reitsu skims his back and he groans, moving towards it. A ghostly hand trips down his spine and he starts, jerking upwards only to groan and fall forward. 

"Might want to stay still for a bit." He's gonna be sore tomorrow. And probably tonight, which is fine. I'll just have to pamper him a bit. "New trick. Pretty good, huh?" Not that I want his praise or anything. 

But that shy smile and tiny nod make my chest swell. "Yes, Ikkaku, it's a wonderful skill." His approval is sweet, as charming and lovely as he is. A small hand reaches for the toy and he drags it over by his fingertips, stubbornly refusing my help in retrieving it. 

His face is brilliant red but he turns it over and examines it carefully, feeling the soft texture and spongy tip, pressing the button to make a bit of leftover oil ooze out. It's cool now and he glances at me quickly, before looking away; the basin catches his eye and he peeks at me from under his bangs. I nod a bit, blushing slightly. It was the only thing I could think of to warm it up and make it more real. 

The toy is put aside and he leans his head on my chest, hands stacked under his chin. "I love you." He so accepting, taking every part of me into him and adoring it all. 

He's completely irresistible. "Me too." I hope he never changes.

1

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5

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It's a fun piece, I think, and I enjoyed writing it immensely, not just for the sex, but for the feel of a long term commitment and affection they have for each other. Ikkaku came out a bit more mushy than I expected but that's ok. I hope you enjoyed it and I'm really glad you made it all the way down here. 

And for anyone who got a bit confused; the third 'person' is an illusion, created by a good toy and a bit of energy manipulation. That toy actually exists, with 'real-flesh' texture and squirting mechanism. Kira's thoughts and feelings are based on the fact that he thinks it is real, so it may be hard to move from point of view to reality. (though what is real in fanfiction I couldn't tell you)


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, so I'm having a hell of a time working with Shuhei, so he can just have a time out and I'll write Kira/Ikkaku angst (porn next chapter, promise), cause I like it. This chapter is dedicated to Greenzaku, because he's awesome and always reviews. Hint hint, people. Ha ha, you don't have to review, but it is so very appreciated. Also, he is writing this funny as hell piece called Stud, so get over there, read it, and tell him how fantastic he is.

So, yeah. Half the story is me blabbing. But it's good, kinda, maybe? Just read the bloody thing. It's angst, so you know what to expect. (and a self-beta job, so say something please if you see stuff) Baby edit: Thank you to Greenzaku who pounced on errors for me. They're fixed but if you see others, report, report, report!

Kira

Ikkaku has made himself scarce the last few days and it's vaguely upsetting. I say vaguely, because I see him roaming around, filling his position, and he comes home at night, so he's not laying in a ditch somewhere or fooling around. I hope. But he arrives at the last second before supper is served, eats while grunting at my attempts at conversation, then makes up some crap about work and vanishes into his office or goes right to bed.

Without me. Which is probably the most upsetting thing about the whole situation. He hasn't touched me in over a week, since we had that great night. Or maybe I should say, I had that great night. Obviously he didn't enjoy it as much as I did, or he would have come back for more, right? While I don't want to do that every night, once in a while is nice, and the pampering I got all night and the next day were pretty fun too.

He says he loves me but he won't touch me. Even when I tried to snuggle up to him to read, he eased away gently and left the house. I haven't tried again. I don't want to chase him out of his own home, but… But. This is my home too.

It's getting late and I should head back. Practice is called and the men line up for a quick inspection, just to make sure everyone is in the same condition they arrived in. Tetsummi calls salutes and they move in unison. Pride swells in my chest and I grin stupidly at them. I did that, made them into a disciplined team; even if we aren't the best, at least we aren't the worst either.

Tempting, to stay a little later, run through some more practice with Wabisuke. But she's been a regular bitch lately and I'd have to chase her down and drag her out kicking and screaming before we could even start to work on Bankai. Kind of pisses me off when she pulls crap like that, as if I don't have enough to do just trying to reach Bankai before Yumichika.

I'm not staying, fuck it. Feels nice to swear so I do so out-loud. "Fuck you, you witch. You just keep being a pain and you can serve under Fujikujaku aaaalllll by yourself, because I'm leaving you with him. Ha!"

A shudder suddenly runs through me and I feel icy fingers trail the nape of my neck. _Don't worry, we'll both serve under him and over him and in front of him too._ The bitch laughs and flits away before I can grab at her. _But you'd like that, wouldn't you?_

I growl and my palms itch to wrap around her neck. _Skank._

_Whore._ She always knows exactly where to strike. _Were you wondering why Ikkaku can't bear to touch you?_ I snarl wordlessly at her voice. _He's discovered what you're really like and he's just too nice to kick you out directly._

Not true, that is not true! _That's not true. He's just working too hard._ Mocking laughter and she fades, having caused her share of hurt for the day. She must have been in a particularly bad mood, she's not usually so vicious. Doubt, I must not let doubt cloud my eyes.

He loves me. He must love me. Of course he does. How could he not! There, I've made myself laugh at least. I sound more and more like Yumichika every day. And if nothing else, Ikkaku loves Yumichika more than anything, even a good fight. He bends and bends and bends some more to meet every little whim.

Some days, it makes me sick to my stomach to watch them, laughing and happy, and to watch them go silent when they notice me. It's not that I'm not welcome, but they have been together longer than I've been alive and I will never have the claim my dark headed opponent has.

Never.

My shoulders slump forward and I start to slog my way back, barely lifting my feet from the ground. Strong arms are so familiar, the reitsu such a part of my day to day life, I don't even notice I've been lifted until my feet dangle high above the ground. "Tetsummi!" I cling desperately to his neck, though he would never drop me. Never, ever. "What are you doing?"

"I thought you would stay behind and practice, so I stayed too. I'll take you home." No room for argument, even if I wanted to. Which I don't. Leaning on someone else for a moment, letting someone else carry me for a few seconds, isn't so bad. "You're working too hard."

"Tetsummi." A deep sigh from both of us, exasperated by our individual stubbornness; we've had this discussion before. "As soon as I make Captain, I'll slack all day long, ok?" A dark brow rises skeptically and I laugh and ruffle the long hair at the base of his neck. "I promise, at least for a week or two."

His head turns and we stare at each other as he opens his mouth to speak from an inch away. A throat clearing makes us turn our attention to the bald man standing in the path, hands on his hips. "Interrupting?" Tetsummi immediately turns a deep red and starts to put me down.

I cling to his shoulders and tap the base of his skull. He stops and stands holding me against his chest. "Why no, not at all. We were just on our way home. Care to join us or do you have work?" My voice is low and snotty, because I'm still angry with him for ignoring me all week, even if it might be my fault. "Or maybe something else to keep you away tonight?"

It's not fair to use Tetsummi like this but I can't resist. "Kira, get over here." He sounds angry but I don't stop. Some force is moving my mouth without my consent.

Or maybe I just would never normally be so aggressive. I guess Wabisuke affected me more strongly than I thought. "No. I don't belong to you. Tetsummi, shall we continue?" Poor Tetsummi, he's looking between us nervously but he gamely steps forward and around Ikkaku, careful not to brush up against him. We don't speak again until the door to my house slides open with a nudge of a big foot. "I'm sorry, Tetsummi. That was bad of me."

My cheeks burn and he smiles. "No, it's fine. He's been rather short tempered himself lately." My head ducks even further. A big hand combs my bangs gently behind my ear. "Don't worry." He leans in and whispers against my cheek. "He loves you." A tear sneaks away from me and is brushed away quickly.

Tetsummi, loyal and strong, always on my side, no matter what. Why couldn't I just fall in love with you? "Thank you." I wish he didn't love me as fiercely as he does because my chest hurts when he just smiles and pats my head before walking away.

I watch for a minute then slide inside, closing the door quietly behind me. I should make supper, at least pretend I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything in the past few days, my stomach too tied up to handle anything other than water. And Ikkaku might come home, and he'll be hungry. A tiny smile. He's always hungry.

A meal is simple to prepare and I set out two places. While I sit and listen for familiar footsteps, I stare at the wall. What if he really doesn't love me anymore? Is it because I'm weird and like strange things in bed? I know it is odd to like to be ordered around, because when I listen to other men talking about sex, it's not like that. They never speak of pain, of not having a choice, of following blindly and hoping it doesn't kill you.

Though, I don't have that anymore either. But what if he did hate it? What if he was disgusted that I was so excited? That I enjoyed it so much? I don't even realize I'm crying until a tear drops from my chin to splash on the table and my hand. Silent tears trail my cheeks as I raise a hand to touch them, curious about when they started.

The door opens abruptly and I turn, startled. Ikkaku stands there, staring at me, horrified. "Kira? Kira, what did he do?"

"No, nothing! Nothing, I'm fine. I, I just, have a headache. From training and it's gotten worse all of a sudden." I don't know if he believes me but he steps forward and tips my face upwards with a warm hand.

I love the way his skin feels against mine, always so hot and soothing. His eyes narrow briefly but he lets go quickly, as if he can't stand to touch me. As if I'm dirty. "Your eyes look fine. Did you hit your head?" I shake my bangs into my face, more to hide behind than to answer his question. "Well, if it gets worse, go see the Fourth." I nod briefly. May as well agree.

"Are you hungry?" At least my voice sounds normal. His chair creaks as he settles in and I silently pass the dishes to his side of the table. We eat in awkward silence, our breathing sounding too loud in the small room. I take the dishes as he finishes and wash quietly.

A deep swallow and I turn to lean on the counter, watching him drink the last of his sake and flip through a book I was reading this morning at breakfast. "Ikkaku?" He grunts and I dig my teeth into my lip hard enough to draw blood. "Um, are you, I mean, um, are you coming to bed?"

He doesn't even look up. "No, not yet. I'm going out later for a bit." Of course he is.

"Oh." My voice trails off and I raise my chin determinedly. "Well, do you want to have a bath before you go?" If he's going to turn me away, at least I can say I offered.

"Naw. When I come back." He's still staring at the wall, fingers tight around his glass. Air refuses to come and I turn away, scrambling to get to the bedroom before I collapse.

He doesn't even stand as I slam the door behind me. I hate him and that just makes my chest hurt more. Pain pounds in my head as I sob into a pillow, muffling my cries stubbornly. The last thing I want is him to come in and feel pity towards me.

It feels like hours pass in uneasy silence until I crawl out of the blanket and sneak to the door. The room is empty when I peek out and I slink to the bath. Warm water is soothing but not the same as gentle arms and I cry some more before sliding into bed, exhausted.

A restless sleep and I jolt awake at the sound of the door opening quietly. A wash of casual power precedes him to the bath. I count seconds and about fifteen minutes later, he moves to the bedroom door and I feel him hesitate for a second, then turn to the second room. Why doesn't he want me anymore? I haven't changed, I'm the same as I was last week.

I still love him.

A few minutes and I slip out of bed and pad to the wall, where I press my ear. The quiet shuffle of clothing and the clink of Hozukimaru being set to the side are clearly audible through the thin walls, followed by him lying on the bed. Should I go to him? What if he sends me away again? But if I don't, nothing will change. We'll live together, strangers hating each other more and more every day, and it will kill us both.

My eyes flutter closed as I tap down any reitsu. I glide out the door and sneak into the next room. He doesn't move, just lays still, breathing evenly. But he's awake, I can feel it, sense it in the stiff line of his body. My fingers find him first, trailing over his side and chest as I sit on the edge of the bed. "Kira."

"Yes, Ikkaku?" He rolls easily under my hand and I lean into him, kissing his collar gently. As always, I fit perfectly into the curve of his waist, my groin snug against his hip. Light thrusts rub me gently against him and I start to harden, purring against his throat.

"Kira." It's a long sigh and I snuggle closer, hands exploring his strong chest and rippled stomach, trailing each ridge as I skim down. His hand captures mine but I avoid him with the other, reaching down to cup him. "Kira, stop."

He's soft, not even a bit of interest in my groping. A tear slides over my cheek and I pull away, humiliated. How could this happen? Am I so much of a freak that I don't deserve his love anymore? "Izuru…" I yank my hand from his loose grip and stumble to my feet, choking on sobs.

I don't even bother trying to hide them, just stagger to the door and lean for a second before pushing it open. "Kira, wait!" He's standing, following me.

"No." The ache in my head threatens to overwhelm me and my chest feels like it might burst. "Stay away from me." I can barely speak and he follows, ignoring me. I scream at him, nausea rising at this final disregard for my wishes. "Get away!"

"Kira, sweetheart." I dry retch at the old endearment, leaning desperately on the door to keep from collapsing. "Izuru, calm down."

I can hear him approaching carefully, feel his power wash over me, warm and soothing. Like for a pet. "Ikkaku, stop." He slows but keeps coming, inching along until he can almost touch me, the heat from his hand soaking into my cheek in the instant before he touches me. "Madarame."

He's frozen, millimeters away, so close I can feel the air move as his hand tremors. "Izuru, no, sweetheart, darling, no, don't say that."

One step. That's all I need, just one step and I'll be free. My hand crawls along the wall, shaking fingers clinging to every crack, needing any purchase they can find. Finally, the tips slip around the corner and I pull, forcing my shivering body to move, away from him. A heavy thud comes from behind me but I don't look back. I can't. "Izuru, please!" Please, please, anyone, give me the strength to keep going. Just one more step. "I love you!"

I choke and fall, slamming into the floor, the crack of my knees hitting echoing in the room. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he lying? Ikkaku never used to be so cruel. Did I make him like this? "Why? Why are you hurting me like this?" I can't hear his response, the dull pound of pain in my ears blocking his voice. "Why don't you want me anymore?"

Ikkaku

What the fuck was that? Damn Tetsummi, he's so much closer than I ever will be. He was there through it all, picked my Kira up and brushed him off, wrapped his wounds and bathed his body. As grateful as I am, I hate him. I can admit I'm jealous, ugly though it is. But Kira clings to his neck as if it is a lifeline and I can see in the deep eyes that Tetsummi would die before letting go. I let them pass by without interfering.

He isn't…No. Kira may be upset with me, but he wouldn't cheat. I don't think he even knows about those kinds of games; he's too innocent for his own good some days. Even after a week, even after talking it all out with Yume, who for once sat still and listened, I still feel like a complete asshole.

Somehow, making Kira scream has become this wonderful thing, to feel him helpless is so sexy, so irresistible, I can't trust myself not to hurt him. Even if he wants it. I've been avoiding him, trying to figure out what is wrong with me, but he makes it…difficult, to put it mildly. Following me around the house, talking through every meal, he's very stubborn.

I know I'm hurting him with my distance but I needed a few days and somehow, I can't get close again. At first, I told myself it was because he was hurt and babied him. Spoiled him pretty badly but he's so cute and grins so prettily. Then, he was stiff and I didn't want to hurt him, and it just got worse.

Now, he barely looks at me, just offers to come to bed in that tiny voice of his, the one he uses when he tries not to cry. It's as if he can't think of another way to be useful other than sex. I hate that. I hate the way his self esteem falls every time I frown, the way he blames himself for anything that goes wrong. The way he feels useless and helpless in his own home.

All I wanted was to give him a safe place, somewhere he can come back to and escape the world for a bit. But he's under more pressure here than anywhere else. He seems to feel that he has to be perfect and smiling all the time, no matter what I do to show him it doesn't matter.

I love him anyway.

He's waiting for an answer, barely breathing, leaning so adorably on the counter. "No, not yet. I'm going out later for a bit." I want to, fuck I want to, but I won't let him play that role. I won't let him use his body as a bargaining chip.

"Oh." His voice is so thin, I ache to reach for him and clench my glass so hard I think it might break. "Well, do you want to have a bath before you go?" Fuck, he's making me crazy. My dick is throbbing and I shift uncomfortably before answering.

I glare at the wall stubbornly; I won't give in damn it. "Naw. When I come back." I hear the faint gasp of his breath before his steps dart for the bedroom, the door snapping shut behind him. I stand and follow to lay a hand on the door, listening to him cry. I hate myself, for bringing him this far, for turning him away, but I can't stand the thought of his playing the martyr to me.

I slide away on silent feet, rinse my dishes and slip out. A hard run for an hour before Yume joins me, pacing me as we run around the Seireitei. It's a comfortable silence, the quiet of friends who understand and don't need any kind of explanation. When I fall to pant in the dust, Yume just brushes his hair out of his face and plants his skinny ass on my stomach.

"Well?" Little sandals are kicked off and small feet tap a beat on my thighs. How he can be so tiny and so tough is beyond me.

I groan and raise my head enough to watch him examine a slightly rough patch on a nail. "He hates me."

"No he doesn't." Now he's rummaging through his belt for a file; where the hell does he keep these things? "If he hated you, I'd have taken him. He is quite pretty." Always so practical, my fruitcake. "Anyways, did you fuck him?" And vulgar. Better add vulgar to that.

"You pervert, that's all you wanted to know." An annoyed huff and I swat at his hip. "Who did you bet with this time?" Satisfied humming and he files away, examining every swipe of the metal. "Whatever. No, I didn't. And you know it."

Soft chuckling and he reaches back to pat my chest. "Of course I do. Why do you think I bet against it?" Another groan is met with delighted laughter and we just lay there, staring at the sky, lights of the city to our backs.

I wish we were still wanderers, still just us roaming the world. Life was easier, kill whoever got in our way, gambling, fighting for money. Simpler. But then I would never have met Kira. And looking at Yume smiling in the moonlight, I know he wouldn't trade Shuhei for anything, not even to be free again. Hell, maybe not even me. "Ikka?"

"Yeah?" I sit up, folding one arm around his waist to shift him forward to sit in my lap. "What is it?"

"I'm glad we came here." I blink at him; I didn't know he ever regretted it. Even before he chose a lover and was lonely, he always seemed fairly happy to be here. "Even if you stole Kira from me." My lips tip upwards, then part in a bark of laughter. "What?"

"You're such a weirdo." He would hate being with Kira, and we both know it. "Come on, let's go home." Annoyance radiates from the rigid back and the tossed hair. I ruffle the perfect strands and take off at an easy lope, letting him chase me while he tries to fix his precious hair.

I stand outside and breathe. I can feel Izuru sleeping restlessly in our room and sneak into the house and down the all to the bathroom. A few seconds to wash my face and brush my teeth before I climb into the bath. Kira is awake now and I stroke myself to his imagined breathing. I groan quietly, muffled against my arm as my hips jerk forward and I come to the remembered feel of his mouth on my skin. Quick and efficient, that's the way to do it.

Just letting his power flow over me makes me start to harden again as I wash up. A quiet sigh and I jerk myself off again. Who would have thought masturbating could actually become a chore? A quick towel off and I step into the hall. My hand hovers against the wood of the door to the room we used to share, trembling with the effort not to push. I finally yank myself away and shut the door firmly behind me in my chosen room.

The extra room is cool from being shut up and I open a window to let some of the summer heat in. I can hear Izuru roaming around, probably pressed to the wall, listening to me get ready for bed. The blanket folds around me neatly and I try to relax. But I can sense him wandering, feel his fretting through thin walls, and finally hear his quiet steps approaching. My eyes open with the door and I'm glad I'm facing the wall.

A soft pressure dips the bed as he settles beside me, shaking fingers trailing my side. "Kira." Gentle pushes and I let him roll me to my back, slender hands wandering my chest as he snuggles into the dip of my side.

He pushes against me, blond bangs tickling over my collar as he investigates the curve of my neck. "Yes, Ikkaku?" Oh fuck, he smells good, clean and faintly spicy as he snuggles against me.

I try to grab his hands but he skitters away and continues petting me, his hips moving against my side. "Kira." Pale eyes watch me from under pale lashes as he hardens and slides his hand under the blanket to stroke my cock. "Kira, stop." I don't want to hurt his feelings but after twice in a row, it'll take more than a quick grope to make me hard.

And fuck, he's crying. Slow, silent tears that make me let go when he pulls away, face bright red. "Izuru…" Pain blossoms in my chest and I choke on his name as he sobs once and stumbles as he reaches for the door. Not quite there, he stops to lean on the wall, panting harshly before taking a choking gasp. "Kira, wait!" I'm on my feet, tripping over the blanket tangled in my legs, trying to get to him, to make him stop this.

His voice shakes so hard I can barely make out what he's saying. "No. Stay away from me." As if I could stop, just leave him crying like this. "Get away!" I'm forced to stop out of shock; Kira never yells. Ever.

"Kira, sweetheart." His waist bends as he gags, tears dripping to the floor with a steady, heartbreaking 'plop.' I push out as much power as I can control, forcing quiet through my own panic. "Izuru, calm down." A few more steps, slow and cautious as I reach out to touch his cheek. If I can just get my hands on him, we'll be fine.

"Ikkaku, stop." Never. The heat from his tears and hurt radiates from his face, washing over my fingers before I can brush tears away. "Madarame."

No.

I'm there, almost, almost! "Izuru, no, sweetheart, darling, no, don't say that." Please, please, don't say that. Don't say that I'm hurting you so badly you can't stand it. I never wanted you to say that. Even when you did before, I knew you were just testing it out. But not now. Please, don't let this be real.

But it is. Shaking, white fingers edge along the wall, clinging as they drag him forward. I call to him as I fall, hand still outstretched, not even using the other to break my fall. "Izuru, please!" Kneeling, I call the only thing that might stop him. "I love you!"

He falls, the crack when he hits the floor so loud I think he might have broken something. But he doesn't care, just sobs into the floor. "Why? Why are you hurting me like this?"

"Izuru, I'm sorry, I didn't" It's as if I'm not speaking. He isn't listening, just talking over me.

"Why don't you want me anymore?"

I want to die. For the first time in my life, I don't want to live anymore. Somehow, in my bid to show him I don't need only his body, I've hurt him. Maybe more deeply than Gin ever could, because at least he knew Gin didn't love him. I'm on my feet and stomp over, ignoring his cries and the batting hands, the small feet kicking frantically as I scoop him up and carry him back to the bed. "Izuru, stop right now."

"Let me go!" A sharp elbow slams into my side and I grunt at the force, then smack his hip lightly, just hard enough to sting. "Madarame!"

I grin, more a baring of teeth than any kind of smile. "Oh no, too late for that." I lean in and speak directly into his face, making certain he can't avoid me. "There will be nothing between us tonight. No safe words and no denying."

"Stop it, let me go." But his voice has faded and he stares up with wet, terrified eyes. I wonder how often he's heard that phrase. "Ikkaku, please."

I almost release him then but I cling to him, pulling him tighter into my arms. "No. I love you. So fucking much, it makes me crazy and a bastard, but I still love you. I need you, I want you, and I will never let you go, no matter how hard you fight me."

Quiet little whimpers and he shudders against me. "Stop it. Don't lie." The skinny body relaxes completely, arms falling to rest in his lap. "Don't pity me. I'm a freak."

What? "Why?" Tear keep falling and I lick them away, holding his chin tightly to keep him still. "What makes you think you're a freak?" We might actually get somewhere tonight.

Long lashes flutter against my lips, brushing the tip of my tongue. I would laugh, and maybe I will later, but now there are more pressing things to see to. I can't hear him, though his lips move. My nose traces the curve of his ear as I whisper for him to repeat himself. "I like it." I hum into his skin as I kiss his closed eyes, red cheeks, the tip of his nose. "I like when you hurt me."

Oh. My eyes fall closed and I lean my forehead against his. "Then I am too." Because I like to hurt him as much as he likes it. There, I'm starting to get used to the idea.

Instant denial as his head shakes under mine, long bangs falling into my eyes and my mouth. "Oh, no, Ikkaku! You're normal, it's me. I'm weird and I don't deserve you to have to be with me."

"You make me crazy." A questioning noise and he glances up at me curiously, tears drying slowly. A final swipe of my tongue and he sniffles against my shoulder. "Why is everything that goes wrong about you? Can't we both just be freaks together?" A watery laugh and I grin triumphantly. "I love you, freak or not."

Pale hands scrub at his cheeks, making them more red. "Love you too." Another sniff. "You're not mad at me? You don't think I'm disgusting?"

"Of course not." Of all the ridiculous things. At least he's pretty much calmed down. Crying drives me insane, whether it's Kira or Yume. "Go to sleep. You're tired." He curls into me, thin hands clinging to my shoulders.

Soft breathing against my shoulder and I pet his hair. I doubt he's okay, but he's worn himself out the last week and now he wants to believe me so badly, he'll just tell himself things are fine. I sigh quietly and ease him down to lay beside me. "You're beautiful." He won't hear me but it makes me feel better to say it. "I love you. I'll never leave you."

Even if he leaves, I'll follow him. My hand fits perfectly across his belly as I tug him closer, wrapping myself around him. For now, we'll sleep.

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So, sorry. I really did mean for it to be more smut but it ran away. My gravest apologies and I hope you will tolerate my pathetic efforts. It's weird, because the first chapter was so happy and fluffy, but the next one is too, this one just leapt on me. Oh well. If you made it this far, thank you and please review.


	3. Chapter 3

**sigh **Don't go to college. Seriously, don't. It's hell. Now that I've said that, on to the fun parts! Thank yous to everyone who reviewed, I was totally blown away! Please, please keep it up! And above all, enjoy! I hope it is worth the horrible wait and if you see errors, point them out please. My beta just got a new job and doesn't have as much time anymore, so I'm mostly on my own.

Kira

It's warm. Warmer than usual, and there's a lot of extra weight across my chest. _Kira, Kira! Wake up!_ A blunt nail pokes me in the nose and I swat at her.

_What? Go away, it's too early_. And I just am not in the mood to talk to her, not after yesterday.

_Get up! You're so lazy!_ My hand slaps against her hip and she snarls down, clawing thin lines over my chest. _I hate you._

My eyes roll and I pinch her ass, snickering at the indignant squeak. _So? You hated me yesterday too._ She just huffs and folds her arms. It's difficult to deal with her, she's so stubborn but she craves my attention more than she can ever admit. _Go on, I'm going to training in the afternoon. We can fight then._ My fingers dig into her side gently, massaging slender muscles while she huffs and pouts. Ikkaku's mumbling sending her zipping away. For some reason, she's never taken a liking to him.

But I have. A quiet smile and I rub the top of his head, feeling the smooth skin and the brush of bristly hair. Even if we aren't completely organized, I feel much better. Nothing like a good cry then being told forcibly that you are perfect to help a guy's self esteem. "Hey."

Dark eyes watch me from under long lashes and I smile a bit more before leaning in for a good morning kiss. His mouth tastes of old sake and smoke, and a bit of morning breath. Not the most romantic start to the day but he murmurs that he loves me and nothing else matters. My tongue slides between his lips, stroking his firmly before returning to my mouth. "Good morning, Ikkaku."

Strong hands roll us until I'm lying along his body looking down, elbows propped on his shoulders. Our hips line up perfectly and I can feel his morning erection against me. I wriggle a bit, encouraging him to touch me intimately, but he doesn't, just runs his hands over my back. Another squirm is effectively halted by pulling my hips down firmly and anchoring them in place. "Hold still."

He sounds so serious that I stop trying to move and settle with my forehead against his. Is he regretting what he said last night? I hope not, now isn't really the time to argue, not when I'm hard and wanting. How selfish of me; maybe that's where Wabisuke gets it. "Babe, want to do something fun?" I nod immediately, throwing my bangs into his eyes.

Fast blinking clears them and he laughs as he leans up and kisses me. "Not even going to ask what?" I grin down and shake my head, purposely drifting my hair over his cheeks. "Probably should. I'll need your full cooperation for this." Mmm, sounds good.

I shrug and kiss his nose, flicking my tongue between his eyes. They cross trying to see me then roll to alleviate the strain. He hums contentedly, so I continue licking, dipping into the gentle curve of an ear, trailing over the muscular neck to the hollow at the base of his throat where I suck gently. "Sweetheart?" A soft purr into his skin makes him squeeze my ass tightly. "Remember the first time we had sex?"

I can feel my face heating and nod while tucking into the curve of his arm. "Yes." As if I could forget something like that.

"Tell me." Whisper gentle kisses glide over my hair and the edge of my ear, his breath hot on my skin. My head shakes and I burrow more deeply into his arm. "Tell me. Tell me what I did to you, the way I touched you, tell me how you screamed and cried and begged me to fuck you." Please stop, I remember, I do. Everything, from the slick glide of your skin against mine to the pain when you eased as carefully as you could into me.

"Stop, Ikkaku, I"

He keeps talking, keeps kissing me, nibbling between nuzzles. "Remember the way you wriggled and spread your legs? Every time I touched you, you made the cutest sounds, crying my name as soon as I kissed you." I feel like crying now, I'm so embarrassed. I was so inexperienced, had never had a lover of my own, everything was new and felt so good. "You came when I told you I loved you. You stared into my eyes and whispered it back to me."

Maybe he'll stop if I distract him. My hands slide over his stomach and dig into his side, tracing heavy muscle firmly. I lick his arm and nip at his collar, nosing my way up to a rounded ear. A quiet groan and I suck hard to leave a mark behind it before backing off and kissing the little bruise. There, he isn't the only one who can use sex as a weapon. My hand drifts downwards, teasing little circles, avoiding his groin while he shifts and pushes upwards.

Quiet groans as I trail his chest, leaving small round bruises behind to mark my path. My hands rub his thighs, touching the delicate skin in the insides, tickling behind a knee before skimming down to his toes and between. The skin is so soft here, delicate and rarely touched. His feet flex and his legs tremble with the urge to kick. I have mercy and slide away, bringing my hands up to cup his balls and pet behind, rubbing the soft spot that gives him so much pleasure.

My cheek rubs his erection, long bangs teasing the tip as I blow rough curls gently. His hands clench at his sides, opening and closing rapidly in time with his panting and the tremble of his stomach. I love how sensitive he is to me, how even non-sexual touches make him grab at me.

Of course walking by makes him grab at me too, so maybe my bedroom skill has nothing to do with it. I laugh against his belly button and lick the head of his cock, lapping delicately. Regardless of whether I'm good or not, he keeps coming home to me, so it doesn't matter. "I love you." He making such wonderful sounds, I almost want to stop here.

But he tastes so good, strong and deeply salty, I can't resist taking the head into my mouth and sucking just a bit, trailing my teeth over his skin. His hips move upwards and I ride them, keeping one hand at his base for control while the other travels all the skin I can reach. Strong suction pulls him into my mouth, rubbing the head against the roof of my mouth. It feels strange, ticklish, but I know it's amazing to have done, the hard ridges like pearls being dragged over sensitive skin.

My groin is heavy and I ache to feel his hands on me, his fingers spreading me for him. The bottle of oil is too far and I have to release him to reach, the wet slap of skin hitting his stomach pulling low moans from his throat. Those are the most amazing sounds, I hope he never stops making them for me. "Izuru, come here." I can just barely reach the bottle when he pulls me away and up to look into his eyes. "I love you. No one else, never again."

My eyes blink so rapidly I can hardly see through the flutter of lashes. "I know." I smile down at him and touch our mouths, letting them melt together. He looks so shocked that I laugh against his tongue. "I know you love me, even when I get myself worked up. I'm sorry." Even after getting so upset and working myself into a frenzy, I still love him.

And I know he loves me, no matter what doubts I give myself, I know he loves me. I realize I was being ridiculous to think he might not want me anymore. His ear is so adorable with the dusting of pink that I have to lick it, nibbling at the edges. "I'm so sorry, I love you and I know you love me." Gentle rolling and I'm pinned under his body, smiling up as he kisses my chin and cheek. I tease him and turn away, blowing soft puffs of air on his lips while he tries to capture mine.

"More than anything." He's too strong, forcing my mouth around to meet his, tongue prying my lips open. "Trust me?" I nod quickly, flipping my bangs back when they fluff over my eyes. "Switch with me."

A slow blink. "Switch?" Pleasure runs down my spine and I buck hard enough to lift him, giving me enough room to roll us over again. "There." My hips grind against his, pushing his erection against my ass and sliding it between my thighs to rub against my balls and cock. "What now?"

There are so many things we can do, so many options. I wait impatiently of him to choose one, hands wandering over his skin. "Izuru." It's a long sigh and I cock my head at him. What? I did what he wanted. "You be on top today."

"I am." Leaning forward, I plant my elbows on his shoulders and press our chests together. His cheeks are getting more and more red and he closes his eyes with another sigh.

An abrupt movement and I'm looking up at him, arms splayed from where I tried to keep my balance. My breath moves in startled gasps as he nips my collarbone roughly. "Kira, listen!" Ow! Ok, yes, I'm listening! I stare up at him, eyes wide as I nod quickly; anything to make him stop biting me. While I enjoy that from time to time, this is way too sudden and just hurts.

Soft kisses offset the pains as he murmurs his apologies. "Sorry. Are you listening?" I nod again, brushing my hand over the delicate skin at the base of his skull. When he pulls away, I lean up to touch noses, kissing his upper lip gently, and watching red move over his skin. "I want you to fuck me."

My head hits the bed with a quiet thud. What? "Ikkaku…" I can't do that, I have no idea what to do.

"You'll like it." As if that is a problem; I always enjoy sex with Ikkaku. But he's staring down at me, watching for my reaction. "I want you to."

Ikkaku

"I want you to." He's watching me, staring up with a confused frown on his delicate features. Just this once, I want him to listen to what I'm saying and do as I ask.

Not that he ever refuses me; anything is fine with him as long as he gets to be with me but that kind of responsibility is wearing. A slow nod and he leans up, wrapping his arms tentatively around my neck. His tongue flickers over my lips and I kiss him back, letting my weight settle us more deeply on the bed.

It's almost a blur, the way he moves his hands over my skin, kissing and licking his way over my chest and stomach. He rolled me over and settled straddling my waist and now he's fully curled around me, hands and mouth worshipping sensitive places. Quick little teeth test the fragile skin on the inside of my thighs before he moves to lap at the head of my cock. I groan and shift my weight. He better move it or I'm not going to last. Watching him is always so sexy, from the sneaky little fingertips to the delicate tongue that curls around my dick.

He swallows my cock suddenly and I jolt off the bed, hands curling into fists at the abrupt change in pace. All the way down, his nose pressing deeply into the dark curls while his throat works slowly. My back bows again as he releases me only to slide back down after one quick breath. "Kira!"

Slowly, slowly, I'm released to lay panting from the effort not to come. "Ikkaku, you really want me to do this?"

Like I can say no now; I'd look like a coward. "Yeah." He doesn't look like he believes me, hell, I barely believe me, but he reaches for the oil and spreads it on my his fingers. One probes gently, rubbing firmly until he presses inside.

It feels strange. Not painful, not even really uncomfortable, but very strange. My eyes close as I try to keep my breathing calm and my body relaxed. Izuru does this all the time, surely I can handle it once. Surely.

He's whispering against my thighs, licking and nibbling as a second finger touches me gently. I draw air in quickly as the next finger slips in. Yeah, that hurts. Soothing mumbling and he takes my cock in his mouth again, sucking gently as he pours more oil over his palm, letting it slide down to ease his way.

I'm battling instinct and holding myself as still as possible. I'm too much of a fighter to just lay back and let it happen. The urge to push back, to shove him down and make the pain, slight though it is, stop is almost too much. "Izuru, hurry up."

"No." He moves up my body in a rush to claim my mouth as he pushes both fingers in deeply. I groan and clench at the sheet as he wiggles the invading digits. That fucking hurts! "You have to relax. Am I hurting you?"

As if I will say yes. "No." I manage to grit the word out and he frowns at me, twisting his hand slowly. "Ugn!" Holy shit! "Again." He grins triumphantly and moves those skinny fingers just right again and I moan and thrust my hips at him.

That is amazing. I knew it was good from the way he goes crazy when I do it but… But. It's different to feel it for myself. The pain is still there but either it's not as bad or I'm getting used to it. Soft lips press to mine and I open my mouth to let him in, teasing his tongue with mine. Quiet purring and he wriggles his body against my side.

"I love you." I open my mouth to say it too when he slides a third finger inside. I can't decide if it hurts or is just amazing. "I love you so much." Every word is followed by a kiss to my neck as he weaves his way back down my body. Pausing at each nipple, licking my belly button, a long sweep of the tongue over the head of my cock, he takes his time getting to his goal, even stopping to suck the tight skin behind my balls.

Finally, he blows cool air over my entrance and licks the edges where his fingers stretch me. His tongue dips inside and I can feel gentle movement as he explores me, humming quietly as he goes. Every vibration moves up my shaft and I can't hold back the low cry. He chuckles and moves his fingers more firmly against the soft bump before pulling away.

It feels empty, as if I've lost something while he pours oil over his hand and strokes his cock briefly. Brilliant blue swallow my soul up as he nudges the head to me. "Shh, easy. Relax." A gentle smile, so incredibly soft I can only stare. "Please, Ikkaku." My hands release the sheets slowly, cramping painfully as I reach up to hold thin shoulders and pull him down to me.

This is better, the scent of his hair and the silk of his skin against me. A relieved sigh and he eases forward, stretching me painfully. Breathing is difficult but I force myself to be steady. Even pressure and suddenly it feels a lot better, not as much of a stretch. "There, the head is in." Gentle kisses press to my neck. "The hard part is done. It's all fun from now on." His head lifts a bit and he grins slowly, rubbing his nose to mine. "Promise."

His hips move against mine, pushing more deeply but it doesn't hurt as much now. It feels very full and very good as he shifts around to hit the sweet spot. I blink quickly and find myself staring into his eyes as he pulls away a little then thrusts back in gently. A single tear trails his cheek and I brush it away with my tongue. "What?"

"I love you so much. More than anything. Don't leave me, stay with me forever." I smile up at him.

He's so adorable. "Of course I'm not leaving. Who else could I trust to do this?" A wobbly smile and he moves again, slowly gliding out then filling me again. We've shifted into the perfect position so that after the head passes by that oh so sensitive spot the rest of his cock slides over it. Pleasure thrums through me, almost painful as he continues to push against me.

One hand slips over my chest and down my stomach to grip my erection and stroke slowly then more quickly. His mouth is attached to my throat, sucking hard enough to hurt but not yet. Later maybe but now it only feels good. Talented hands stroke and pet me until I can't wait any longer. "Izuru!" A final thrust and my back arches under the wave of orgasm.

I'm shocked to feel him pulsing inside me, though why I don't know. But it sends waves of pleasure over my already swamped senses and I cry out, letting his yelp drown it out. Our stomachs are wet and I can feel the rapidly cooling liquid sliding over my skin to the sweaty sheets. A few minutes of panting and he pulls away, rolling to his feet and walking away.

Who the hell taught him post sex manners? Get back here damn it! I'm too tired to say anything and just lay on my back, legs spread and semen leaking down my thighs. He's back, a warm cloth rubbing over my skin and I sigh happily. Ok, that's alright. "Ikkaku?" His eyes are focused on my chest while he wipes us clean, carefully moving between my legs and over my ass. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah." How could I not be? He was so careful and took very good care of me. "You did great." Still is, with bright red cheeks and trembling hands. "Come here."

The cloth is pushed to the side and I hold out an arm for him to snuggle under. "You were very careful and it felt really good." Faint humming and I run my fingers through his hair. "Wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No." Quiet voice, almost inaudible and I tug a bang to remind him to speak up. A soft giggle and he lifts his head; that's the kind of spunk I like to see. "it was nice."

"Nice? Hey!" I ruffle his bangs into a fluffy mess. "Who's only a 'nice' lay? What happened to 'great' and 'wonderful' and 'best sex ever'??" He's laughing now, leaning back and howling while his hand slaps against my stomach.

I grin and laugh back at him, watching his eyes dance with joy. "It wasn't the best sex ever." I mumble an annoyed 'Oi' in protest and he giggles again before his voice drops to a husky whisper. "I like you inside me better. I like your mouth on me and cock deep inside. I like you to dominate and own me as much as you love me."

Fuck. If I could move, I'd pound him into the mattress and he knows it. Hooded eyes watch me and when I make a motion to grab him, he rolls away and swings his hips as he searches for a pair of pants. My hips refuse to budge, sharp pains shivering over my lower back when I try to roll after him. "I'll bring you something to eat, ok?" And he's off with a laugh, waving his fingers at me in that girly way Matsumoto does when she's too drunk to stand.

That little brat. I can hear him banging dishes together and running water. But I don't regret it, any of it. The pain, the pleasure, it was all worth it to see that true smile again, for him to believe I love him.

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Holy Hell! My gravest apologies, I don't know what my problem is but I grovel and beg forgiveness. _Beg, beg._ Please review and let me know what you think, even if it just says 'you suck' (but really, please don't send those, they aren't nice)


	4. Chapter 4

Unfortunately, the Spaces Between chapter was lost in a tragic, unscheduled restart of my computer. Yes, I am an idiot who didn't save for four hours and no I haven't started rewriting it. I will but it might take some time. Sorry. A gift of porn to tide you over if offered in the Weiss section as well as this.

Ikkaku

My nap is being disturbed. Kinda irritating when I consider that I've had an afternoon nap for the past fifty years at this time every day. Of course, when it's a wriggly armful of blond, I might be able to forgive. "Kira, what are you doing?"

A quiet little growl and fluffed bangs pop out of the blanket, mussed from their usual straight lines after crawling up the bed. He looks me over briefly before pushing gently on my shoulders. I grin up at him and he growls again, a bit louder this time.

He's so adorable when he's like this. Lately, he's been just a bit more aggressive, actively taking the lead to initiate sex, pinning me to the bed. Still working his way up to it though because as soon as I push back, even a little bit, he releases me and lets me take over.

More practice must be in order and I've never been one to complain about an extra round. His hands press my wrists to the bed and I push against him, just enough to encourage him to press down. He does, holding firm for the first time as he wriggles his body up further to straddle my hips, pushing my arms above my head. It feels like a band of steel is wrapped around each wrist, warm and solid while his hands trail down my arms to flutter over my face.

My sleeping robe slides open, the loose belt fading away like a memory under sweet hands. When I try to move, I can't even budge my arms. My eyes narrow and I put some effort into it. Still nothing. That… is vaguely disturbing. He's watching me, hiding behind his bangs and long lashes, hands trembling softly against my throat. "Ikkaku?" Usually pale cheeks are a bright pink, his embarrassment getting the better of him.

Huh. It's a lot harder than it seems to lift your arms when the backs of your hands are pinned to something. But I could say no, have him release me. Of course, then I wouldn't get to see how far he'll go. The longer I think about it, the more red he gets and the more his fingers twist together. Alright then, decided.

My hips move under his, pushing upwards to lift him with a surprised squeak, palms flat against my chest. A pleased smile, happy with himself and a little bit proud, and I grin back at him. He's just so damn cute! "Ikkaku, I learned something."

"Yeah?" Thin fingers run up my arms again to tap my fingertips and trail back down. As they pass, thin bands of energy wrap around my limbs, holding me tightly to the bed. Two on each finger to spread them wide, one across the palm, two more on my forearm, four across my bicep and he leans in to kiss my neck, nibbling gently.

I don't think I care what he learned.

The softest of giggles and he rolls his hips against mine, taunting with his heat, the rough brush of his outer pants. I hum at him, letting my hips press to his slowly, rubbing sensitive skin against the dark cloth. He's wandering over my shoulders and down to nip at peaking nipples. His bright lips are so sexy against my tanned skin and the dark points of my nipples. A slow sweep of the tongue and I arch, groaning. "Fuck you're sexy."

His cheeks flush as he burrows into my sternum, quick hands running over my skin to leave firm restraints behind. So adorable, so incredibly sexy in his embarrassment, he's the perfect lover. Trailing over my skin, his lips are soft and a bit chapped, just rough enough to be felt as they press firmly then ghost away. "Tease."

He stares up at me, tongue still licking at my abs. "Never." Sharp little teeth nip at the soft spot just under my bellybutton and he sucks until I can feel the bruise forming. His hips shift from side to side, brushing his stomach against my erection. The gasp stays half formed as he moves quickly, shoving my legs apart to settle between them.

Shivers skitter up and down my back. I can't tell what he's going to do, if he'll take me, ride me, continue to deny me that pretty little mouth on my cock. It's not a bad feeling, adds a bit of mystery and tension that wasn't there before. My feet edge up so I can thrust against his body, the bottoms of my feet pressing into the bed.

He laughs into my skin and grabs my ankle, gliding those slim, strong little fingers over the joint to rub along the top of my foot and between my toes. The gentle touch brings a groan to my throat and it shudders down my body to be licked at. Warm bands wrap around my ankle and the arch of my foot, tying me firmly to the bed. The other leg is anchored in the same fashion and I test it, making a serious effort to lift my foot.

It doesn't budge and he snickers into the crease of my thigh. "No, no, you can't get away from me." So bold of him. Heat follows his hands up over my knee, briefly pausing to tickle behind then off to tease the edges of my groin. His fingers tangle in the dark curls just before bonds move over my hips and thighs. My eyes widen and I wiggle experimentally.

Or try to. Nothing moves. Not my shoulders, my chest, hips, legs, nothing but the trembling of my skin under his tongue. I can't move side to side, up or down, I can only lift my head to watch him. Which I do as his mouth moves further down, pink tongue lapping delicately at the head of my cock. I feel like I could explode just like this, watching him smile at my reaction.

Hot, burning breath and he's gone, blowing cool air from a few inches away. The bead of moisture at the tip trembles before sliding down my shaft and he leans in quickly to catch it. I think I scream but I'm not sure, too busy trying to blink the stars out of my eyes to be bothered with the little things. Teeth scrape gently, barely a hint of teasing before he swallows me to the base, relaxed and quick. A brief bob of his head as his fingers trail my thighs and slide between to touch my balls and sneak back against my opening.

"'Zuru." His eyes open and watch me as he sucks hard, cheeks hollowing. My head falls back to the bed with a thud and he giggles, rubbing the soft sound against my skin. A finger slides over the head of my cock before trailing back to press gently, easing inside. We haven't switched since the first time a few weeks ago and it feels strange. Vulnerable when I can't move an inch. One finger twists slowly, petting from the inside while the other hand presses behind my balls, countering the pressure.

All the while he sucks and nibbles, dragging moans from me in a steady stream of pleasure. Another finger sneaks in and he can reach the right spot. My body tenses, trying desperately to arch but he shushes against my thigh. Soft cheeks rub against my skin, soothing as he works me higher with his fingers. "Bloody tease."

"Oh? No more?" He pulls away and wipes his hands briefly on the sheet before wiggling around again, shifting to stand over me. "Well, alright, if that's what you want." Small feet plant themselves firmly on either side of my hips and he smiles down at me, pale eyes dancing with his pleasure.

Lightly tanned fingers slide over his hips, almost white against the black of his pants and brown in contrast to the white belt. It comes undone with a flick of his wrist and he fiddles with the ends for a second before tugging gently and letting the thick cloth fall to the side.

Without the belt to hold it in, his top flutters open a bit, showing flashes of white, white skin covering tight muscle. His cheeks pink charmingly and he slides his hands up under the edge of his over shirt, lifting it over his head with an easy motion. As it drops to the floor, his head shakes, tossing his bangs into a more manageable position. The slim back arches and I can see through the soft undershirt, pert nipples taunting me from my prone position.

And something is different in the shape. I stare, squinting at him while he blushes away. Long fingers twirl in the edge of his thin shirt and he suddenly whips it over his head, folding his arms self-consciously in from of his stomach. Air rushes into my lungs, leaving me light headed. Or maybe that's because every ounce of blood I own just rushed straight to my cock. A little gold barbell cuts one nipple in half, soft blue stones at each end.

Frantic panting and he smiles down at me, watching my hands quiver with the painful urge to touch. Long fingers trace a long path over his stomach and up each rib, circling slowly to tug gently at the gold. It twists and I can almost taste the metal on my tongue as he moans and arches his back. I'm nearly drooling at just the thought of repeating that tug with my teeth, just to hear the sweet little cry he'll let out.

His pants are next, a slow squirm of ties unravelling to hang at his thighs, drawing the eye to tight muscle and making me remember the last time I saw him naked. This morning while he brushed his hair, toothbrush hanging from his mouth and slim muscle bunched while he knelt to look under the table for a sock.

His stomach is flat and pale, crisscrossed with barely visible white scars, too faint to feel. I marvel at how very pale he is with the clear complexion of a natural blond. Dark cloth eases over his legs and I lick my lips again to keep from begging. Just looking would never be enough and he knows it, twisting his hips to let the pants fall to rest against my stomach. Taut skin shudders under the small weight and he steps gracefully from the pile, using a toe to shove it off the bed.

A slender foot trails my side as his hands slip over his skin, plucking at hard little nipples. Soft moans and I struggle against the bonds again. Quiet laughter as he kneels over my hips to taunt me with the silk of his inner thighs. Thin fingers continue to travel his body, brushing mine as he plays with himself, petting his thighs and stomach, stroking slowly over his cock.

Finally, finally, it feels like hours have passed since he came sneaking up our bed, he wraps his hand around both erections, stroking slowly as he leans forward. Soft, warm breath tickles my cheek an instant before he takes my mouth, sliding his tongue against mine between pants. "Don't come."

Don't come? How the hell do I not? "Baby, I can't wait." A disappointed noise against my skin. "Sorry, love, sorry." Orgasm is pressing my balls up, swelling my cock in his hand. I can feel it growing by the second, with every heartbeat.

"Please? I want to show you." Holy shit. He's still doing work-up? Any hotter and I'll be lucky if the only thing to melt is my brain. A quick nod is all I can manage before my head falls back to hit the bed so I can focus on waiting. Heat wraps delicately around my dick, tightening and sending pulsing tingles up and down. It solidifies suddenly at the base, forming a tight ring and I grit my teeth. Almost painful, almost too much but Kira slides away, leaning over me to reach the oil jar and dip his fingers inside.

He licks them quickly and smiles at me before leaning backwards, legs spread wide over my waist to give me a perfect view. Thin fingers slick oil over his inner thighs before trailing up to touch the dark pink hole, pressing gently until they vanish with a low moan.

I echo him helplessly, mouth aching to touch him, lick at the sweat glistening on his chest, the oil shining on his stomach. He's so incredibly uninhibited today, aggressive, bold. Gorgeous with the flush in his cheeks and soft cries on his lips. His other hand moves to grasp my cock and line it up while he rocks back on his heels, pressing me to his entrance with a breathy moan.

Tight, too tight, he didn't stretch himself enough and I can see it on his face, the slight flinch around his eyes. "Baby, wait, stop, come on." He knows I hate it when he hurts himself.

"But it feels good, doesn't it?" He smiles down and runs his hands over his thighs, taking a deep breath. "Ready?" In a rush, he slides down over me, enveloping me in his heat as his back curls and his head drops. Warm air blows quickly over my stomach, sending shivers down my spine as it cools almost immediately.

When I open my eyes again, he's watching me. Not from above but almost even with my stomach, brilliant eyes staring up through long lashes. When he sees me watching, his eyes close and he moves his head just a bit so I can see his lips wrapped around the head of his erection.

I can't breathe, air completely escapes me as I watch him lick and suck gently, feel the pull of his arousal pulse against where I'm buried inside. This is some kind of crazy dream; I've heard of it, how it can be bought in the most expensive brothels. But I never expected to actually see someone do it.

Move, I have to move. Power floods out, intent on ripping the bonds apart and Izuru moans, a startled sound of urgent desire. The bands holding me down glow, brighter and brighter but don't weaken. No matter how I try to fight them, they hold steady. The more power I force out, the tighter he gets, crying around the thick flesh in his mouth, sending tremors through the muscle to curl around me. Trim hips shift suddenly, rising and lowering slowly and I watch the blond head rise and fall, pale cheeks slightly hollowed as he sucks. As a distraction, it's damn effective.

Kira's vibrating over me, ass clenching and releasing faster than I can keep track, orgasm pounding at him. His head flips up with a gasp, long bangs shaking as he pants and shudders over me. Slender fingers run over the band at the base of my shaking dick, confining pressure vanishing.

For a second I think he'll just ride me, keep me tethered for his pleasure, but his hands shake over me. Power high, he's transferring the excess reitsu I released between us and I can feel the bonds shifting as his control fades. It doesn't matter now, I'm already exploding within him.

Fuck, it kind of hurts but after waiting so long I could die a happy, happy man. Pale eyes stare at me as he trembles and releases, splashing over both of us. So beautiful. He's always been lovely but watching pale skin turn pink and shaking, delicate hands clench against my chest, he is truly beautiful.

Bonds fade away as he collapses on my chest and I move slowly, my arms and legs already stiffening up from being confined. Soothing energy covers us both, rolling over sore muscles. I glance down to see him watching me, chin propped on his hands. "I did it."

"Sure the fuck did." I grin at him and pat his back slowly. "That was damn good. Where'd you learn to do that?" Because that is not something that can really be forced on you without serious harm, it's something you have to learn and practice for.

His face flushes and he looks away. "Not that. I did it. Wabisuki and I, we did it."

Wait, by it, he doesn't mean… My eyes widen and I swing him up to dangle over me, long arms reaching for balance while he squeaks his surprise. "You did? Fuck yeah, knew you could." He smiles shyly down at me and rubs his hands down my arms. "Damn, we gotta tell the guys and get your application in and"

A lean finger covers my lips. "Can we just stay here tonight? We can tell everyone tomorrow, can't we?" Big blue eyes trace my chest. "Please?"

He looks so sweet, lying on my hands while he asks to spend time with me. "No problem." I wouldn't mind some time to check out his new acquisition either.

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Heh heh, I was roaming around, looking for this video I heard about (yes, this is what I do instead of homework) and I was, shall we say inspired? Didn't find the video I wanted but good enough. I hope you enjoyed it. It feels strange to have only one side, maybe the next chapter should be the rest of the evening from Kira's POV? I'm such a tease Regardless of my failings, I hope you'll take a moment to let me know what you thought. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, I appreciate the encouragement.


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, way too long between chapters here

Wow, way too long between chapters here. Sorry peoples, just wouldn't go. But, it goes now! (kinda) And it's long. So, I'll stop boring you and let the story run off. Big change from the original focus but I hope not too bad a one. Enjoy!

Kira

It's been a while since we've just stayed home. Not that we go out every night but usually we're either too tired to do anything more than fool around quickly and go to bed or we do something really elaborate. Which is fun too but sometimes it's nice to just relax together.

I can hear Ikkaku splashing around but he'd getting bored by himself. Our reitsu is tangled and I can feel the change in his usual rhythm as he plays. His grumbling is getting louder by the second. "Hey, 'Zuru! It's cold in here!" The pot is given one last scrub and I hurry down the hall, forcing the grin from my face to affect an air of concern.

"Really? I hope it isn't broken again!" His teeth grit as I avoid his hands with a twist of my hips and reach to test the water. "Feels fine, here, stay still." My hand brushes his forehead for a moment. "Ikkaku, you're burning up!" Never mind that he's been fooling around in his bath for almost thirty minutes.

He's starting to pout as I urge him out and dry him off quickly. "Come on, bed! We can't have you getting sick." Light fussing with the blanket he's too stunned to refuse and I have him all wrapped up. Still a little damp but it's a warm damp and the blankets will dry him off quickly enough. I have to keep moving to prevent him grabbing me and it takes quite a bit of effort to make it seem incidental.

Dark eyes are starting to glare and I muffle a giggle as I fluff the pillow and urge him backwards. "Kira…"

"Yes? Are you hungry? You just ate but if you have a fever… Maybe I should make something else for you, would you like soup?" His hand is latched on to my wrist and I don't think he's letting go this time. Faint growling as his temper frays and I laugh quietly before dropping a kiss on his nose. "Have a nap, I'll come lay down with you as soon as I finish the dishes."

Thin slits for eyes, I'm surprised he can even see out of them before he yanks me over his lap and swats at my ass. I laugh and kick playfully, sinking my fingers into his thigh. "You damn brat." But there is affection and love in the words and in the gentle hand that rubs my lower back. "What are you up to?"

His finger traces spidery designs over my back and I lay quietly, letting him pet me. "Nothing." A flirtatious glance, one I've learned in the past year, and he beams down at me. That kind of love, this adoration he is capable of showering over me is intoxicating. "I love you."

Slow blinking and he presses his lips to my shoulder. "I love you too." We sit for a few moments, relaxing beside each other. It almost feels like before we were lovers, minus the lying on his lap part. An easy friendship, ridiculously easy when I think about it.

Ikkaku has always been the type to accept anyone as they are and let them accept him or not. He took me in as part of their little group when Hisagi dragged me out with them and carried me home when Renji was too drunk to remember. Patiently, patiently he sat and ignored me while I rambled on, too sleep deprived to see straight, my body shutting down from exhaustion, overwork, and too little real food; alcohol simply couldn't provide enough calories for me to survive on. And when I could stand on my own, he let me go and gave me a shove to get me moving before stepping up beside me.

We were always easy together and eventually, I wanted more. Not an epic love or anything so silly, but the comfort of a warm body, the heat of arms not made to hurt, someone I could trust to hold and protect me for a little while. Someone who wouldn't laugh in the morning or kick me out before dawn. Of course I loved him, as my friend and someone I wished I could have for a partner but it didn't occur to me that he would feel the same. I always thought holding him and letting him be my friend would be enough.

Now, I understand that would have never been enough for me, or for him. His fingers slide over my spine, tracing the still delicate muscle as he murmurs to me, chatting just to hear himself. He loves to do that, sit and run his fingers through my hair when he thinks I'm sleeping, tell me about his day and his plans for the next. On a rare occasion, he talks when I'm awake and can answer; he feels self-conscious.

I roll a bit and let him lift me to flip over and sit in his lap. His energy is still tightly entwined with mine, a steady throb half a beat out of tune with my heart. It's not the same as when I just feel his reitsu within the house, a steady and solid presence, it is more like when we lay together and I can hear his heart.

For some reason, it never lines up with mine perfectly, always that millisecond off beat. Gin's was always in perfect time with mine, slow or fast, but I feel safer and much more loved with Ikkaku's off tempo rhythm. It always reminds me that we may not be perfectly matched but as long as we hold on to each other, it will be fine. A quiet giggle and I smother it against his shoulder, laughing harder at his annoyed "Oi."

It makes me think of the way he lives his life, just that little bit out of step with everyone else, that little bit different and not caring a whit what others think. I wish I could be that way. "Ikkaku?" He squeezes my hip and settles me more comfortably against him. "If I, if I apply for the Third's Captain position," A short pause to take a breath is interrupted.

"If? I thought you were. Isn't that why you worked your ass off to reach Bankai before Yume?" Well, kind of. Not to mention Yumichika is an arrogant bastard and if I can beat him at anything, I will. Apparently my silence is bothering him as he tips my head back and frowns at me. "Well?"

"Of course." My fingers seem to magically tangle up and I can feel him getting frustrated with me. "I'm sorry." More frustration and I duck my head, slipping away from his fingers. "I just… You don't think it'll be a problem, do you?" A dark brow arches at me and he makes a questioning noise against my forehead. "Me, us living together. Because, well, Captains aren't supposed to, right?"

Thick fingers still against my side and he leans back. "What? So what?" I glance up quickly to watch him frown. "Who cares? Nobody cared when you fucked Ichimaru did they?" My shoulders jerk as I flinch and curl into myself. He's angry, terribly angry to strike so viciously. "Shit." Rage wells in my chest beside the pain, pounding at my head as it rips through him. "Shit."

I want to move, I want to go lick my wounds on my own, hide from his anger and my pain but he's buried himself in my hair and is squeezing the air out of my lungs. "Sorry." His voice is muffled but I lift my hands slowly to wrap around his neck and hold him close. He is sorry, too late, but he _is_ sorry. "Why are you thinking of that now?"

Silence while I consider my answer, holding him close and listening to his heart beat. "Because nobody did care. And now, they do and I don't want to be a problem for you if I become a Captain." He's calming now, breathing slowly against my skin. My nose tucks in behind his ear so I can speak quietly. "Because I love you and if I have to stay a Lieutenant to not be a problem, I will. I don't mind."

"I do." His cheek brushes mine as he pulls away, the faint rub of freshly shaved skin soft and soothing. "You do whatever will make you happiest, if it's being Captain, Lieutenant or quitting altogether." A kiss like butterfly wings across my nose. "You could never be a problem for me."

Staring into his eyes, serious and deep, I believe he would never see me as a problem. "But, what about"

The plunge of his tongue into my open mouth cuts me off and almost makes me choke on the surprised gasp. "There is no but. No one dead, alive, or stuck somewhere between will drag you away from me." Something rises in my chest and swamps my senses, a dangerous feeling and I recognize it from long ago. Obsession threatens to drown us both and I gasp under the assault. "If I have to rip the entire Soul Society apart, I will not let you go."

I think I whimper and his eyes go wide before he drops his head to press against mine, struggling with himself. I have to get us unlinked, I need to be separated and not drown in his emotions and… and craziness, that's all this can be called. He really would do it, rip the world apart just to keep me beside him and that is terrifying. "Are you afraid?"

Am I? A bit but not that he would hurt me. Not enough to admit. "No. How could I be?" The skin on the top of his head is soft and smooth and I pet it slowly, careful to keep my hand from trembling. "No, but you must not. Never, Ikkaku, no matter what." When he tries to lift his head, my hand presses it firmly to my shoulder to muffle his words. "Not for me or anything else." It makes me proud that my lover is one of the strongest blades of the Society when I could never be more than a shield. Yet if that blade ever turned towards Soul Society, it would be a slaughter no matter which side won.

But even shields have their place. Now, mine is to calm him, love him. "I'm sorry, Ikkaku." I didn't mean to upset him so; I suspect he was thinking it too. Thinking what would happen if they insisted we could no longer be together. For now, they've turned a blind eye, not only because we are not both Captains but because we are not even in the same Division.

As two Captains, it would be different. There have been Captains who have been lovers before us of course but they were frowned on, which I don't care about, and some were transferred, separated. Which I do care about. If that is the only solution, then I will remain as a Lieutenant. Yumichika can be Captain if he likes, I don't care as long as I have Ikkaku. He's mumbling against my neck, hands sneaking up my back until his forearms rest against the line of my spine.

"Ikkaku, please." Perhaps appealing to his sense of loyalty will do. "You took vows, swore to protect Soul Society."

"No I didn't. I swore only to follow Kenpachi and love you." Impossible. He must be able to sense my disbelief and smiles. "I wouldn't take the seat if they were going to make me so they handed it over." My hand isn't strong enough to hold him down as he lifts his head enough to smirk at me, a cocky, rude expression I've never seen before. "They needed me more than I needed them. Izuru, I protect you and only you."

I'm too shocked to refuse his kiss, opening my mouth at his light insistence. There must be a way to keep him steady.

Yumichika

Quiet knocking on my door and I look up from the cards spread on the table. Shuhei was bored hours ago but I want to get this perfect. It would hardly do for me to lose in front of others. "Yes?"

Neatly combed bangs ease around the corner and I wave the younger man in. "Good evening Yumichika, Shuhei." Interesting. Kira rarely uses my name, preferring to call me officer or not at all. It's no secret he isn't a fan of mine, though why I'm not sure. Probably jealousy. After all, not everyone can be as great as me.

"Why don't you come in and help Shu-bunny? He's been losing for the last hour or so." Dull red flushes in Shuhei's cheeks and he growls quietly, annoyed that I'm calling him by that ridiculous pet name in front of his younger classmate. Tough.

If he'd grow up a little, I wouldn't call him that. Honestly. I can't help it that I'm still annoyed at him for staring at Kira kissing Ikkaku. That was quite beyond my tolerance. "Thank you." Pale cheeks are pink with embarrassment but the blond slides in to sit beside Shuhei and I look at them for a second.

They really do match up well, those two. Hisagi with his dark hair and scars is a perfect contrast to Kira's paleness and smooth features. They both shift uncomfortably when I hum to myself. "Well, deal already." I'm not so foolish as to start a power struggle over an already drawn line but Kira can't think he'll get away with his behaviour.

I smirk when he starts to pick at his fingernails nervously. He's scared as well he should be. Challenging me is an exercise in futility; he may have gotten a few hits in and almost won the battle but he will never win the war. It may have been a few weeks ago but I will not forget nor do I forgive.

_**Flashback**_

"What are you doing?" Kira's voice grates on my nerves; he's so incredibly annoying! Almost as annoying as Iba. "Hello?" I take that back, much more annoying than Iba. "Third Seat Ayasegawa, I asked what you were doing."

What? My brows rise in appalled shock. He did _not_ just try to pull rank on me. "Did that bleach affect your eyesight? Such a shame, really. I'm training of course." Fuck him, no one pulls rank on me, especially not whiny children.

"Training? By standing in the middle of the street and annoying my division?" He tosses his bangs out of his eyes and plants a fist on his hip. "Well, whatever. Go do it somewhere else, please. You're interfering with our practice." He makes little shooing motions with his hand. As if I am a stray pet.

I shove off the wall I've been leaning on for the last hour and glide over to speak face to face. "Hmm, I'll have to fix the discipline in the ranks when I take over. It reflects so poorly on a leader when his division is in disorder, don't you think?" I have time for a satisfied little smirk until he leans in close and whispers against my ear.

"The only discipline problem here is your sense of place. You've already lost, so go on now and stop trying to distract us." He backs off, smirks, and turns to enter the Third Division barracks again. "Oh, and Yumichika? If you wish to practice with us, please submit a transfer form, I'd be happy to have you with my division."

_Trying_ to distract them? Have _me_ in _his_ division? What the fuck is happening? This is ridiculous, how dare that bleached blond pipsqueak mock me? I am the gorgeous Yumichika, more beautiful and skilled than he could ever hope to be. Yet he stands there and smirks, smirks! At me!

My teeth grind and I fight to keep my hands from clenching in fists. Ikkaku, this is his fault somehow. He's done something to let this scrawny upstart think he has a chance. Speaking of, here comes that bald bastard. "Ikkaku!"

"Ikkaku!" That low voice mingles with mine and Ikka turns to him with an easy smile. "There you are!"

A skinny arm slides around the solid waist and I gape for a second, stunned by the display of affection. Kira is always careful to keep his hands to himself when others might see, and makes certain Ikkaku does the same. But his pale skin is stark against the black of the uniform as he leans up for a quick kiss.

At least that's what it starts as, but his eyes meet mine over the broad shoulder and I can see the moment he turns it into something more. Their bodies angle slightly, turning until I have a clear side view of tongues and bodies pressing close. Ikka relaxes into it, adaptable as always, letting his hands rest on thin hips while a smaller one glides over the smooth skin of his head. It pulls him in, ducking his head while the red mouth opens further, pink tongue moving slowly over his.

I swallow quietly and resist the urge to adjust myself; that would be so tacky. All the while, deep blue watches me, filled with knowledge it shouldn't have. A hand on my shoulder makes me start and breaks our gaze. I turn quickly to see Shuhei watching them, licking his lips slowly.

Fuck no. My elbow drops into his gut immediately, forcing him to jerk and look at me. There is no way in hell I'm letting my lover watch someone else with lust. His face turns pink but he just shrugs guiltily and grins at me. My eyes narrow and I smile when the grin drops from his face. Good.

My fingers look impossibly white against his dark tanned skin, the black of tattoos drawing the eye. His eyes darken as I smile slowly, licking my lips softly, feeling the weight of his stare on my tongue. "Shuhei." A breathy call of his name and he draws air in quickly, instinctively shifting closer, his hand sliding from my shoulder to my elbow.

Gentle pressure tries to turn me to face him but I resist, raising an eyebrow at him. We kiss over my shoulder and he breathes heavily into my mouth. I can feel him getting hard against my ass and grin up before pushing away and glaring at the scrawny Lieutenant. Who is staring in blushing, open mouthed astonishment.

I arch a brow at him in question. Surely he didn't think I would balk at a public challenge? It seems so as he blushes even darker and flees, slamming the door behind him.

Hmph. Child.

_**End Flashback**_

His hands are steady as he deals and leans over Shuhei's cards to help. Well, I suppose a set or two would be alright. We play, cards flashing quickly, light and dark eyes watching me closely for signs of weakness. Five hands later, I'm tired of waiting. If I let him, he'll just play and leave. "Well? Why did you come?"

A quick jerk and I see in the glance of blue eyes that he notices my avoiding calling him anything. We'll just see how this is going before I decide to accept his attempt at a less formal meeting or not. "Ah, of course. My apologies for disturbing you." He glances from Shuhei to me and fidgets some more. "Um, it's about Ikkaku."

"Ikka? What has that idiot done now?" His head jerks up, eyes wide at my careless sigh. As if I should care what Ikkaku is fucking up now. As long as he isn't dying, what does it matter? He'll just dig himself out of whatever crap he's in and it'll be over.

"No, no! He's hasn't done anything." He keeps looking at Shuhei, as if not sure he should speak in front of him. "It's just, um," His voice drops to a quiet little whisper. "I'm worried about him. If, if we go to war…"

I have to interrupt him here. "We are at war." There's no point in denying the times we live in. No matter who has defected to the losing side.

"Y, yes, of course." His head dips further and my lover pats his shoulder while glaring at me. I glare back. What? It's not my fault he's in denial and I'm not going to indulge him. "We, well, if I, ah, if I die, I, I um wanted to ask you to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. Please."

"Like what? Follow you? Go on a vengeance seeking spree?" I snort and toss my cards to the table. "Don't be a child." Shocked and annoyed sets of eyes stare at me as I toss my hair. "You're nothing more than a passing fancy in a centuries long existence. We have lived longer than you can imagine and we'll be here long after you've gone." He's crying now and I feel sorry for him. So young, and foolish in the end. "Go home. Love him as long and hard as you can."

I can't even look at him, just stare at the table. It probably looks like disgust, which is just as well when he pushes to his feet, bows and chokes out a goodbye. Hisagi sits still for a moment then leaps to his feet and takes a step after his friend. He pauses, not sure which way to go, if he should follow or stay. I think he'll follow but he surprises me and steps over to tower over me, a big hand lifting me by my robe front.

We stare at each other, me on my tiptoes, hands at my side, him with one fist in soft cloth, mouth working in his rage. I must be getting slow, I don't even see the back of his hand before it slams into my cheek. "What the fuck was that? How could you say that shit to him? He was just worried! He needed someone to tell him it would be all right!"

Blood pools in my mouth from where my cheek has been cut open and I wipe my lips carefully before spitting. Gross as it is, I hate swallowing blood. It upsets my stomach. "He's being foolish. If he thought it was for the best, that child would fall on his sword in an instant." And Ikka would truly be insane then. "I merely sent him back where he belonged."

"How can you be so cruel?" His eyes are so dark, so angry and confused, so beautiful that my lips tilt just a bit. "Madarame will hate you for this." His arm trembles, tight and painful in his rage.

I do smile now, a true smile. Ikkaku would never hate me for something like this. "Ikkaku understands the need for cruelty on occasion." He will understand that I always want the best for him and why I say the things I do. He will know that it was for the best, no matter how it hurts at the moment. "Let me go, unless you wish to hit me again. You may once more."

Dark eyes, the very ones that drew my attention despite the scars and tattoos, tremble and I think he might cry. "You're a bastard." He doesn't even throw me, just lets go and I drop to stand flat footed as he turns away. I can only blink after him as he gathers his things, scanning the room quickly to pick up his extra shirt.

"Shu-bunny? What are you doing?" He doesn't answer, just grabs his bag and stuffs his things inside; his hair gel, the extra toothbrush he brought over, the shoes he bought especially to visit in. "Shuhei?" The cologne I bought him last birthday and his new hakama are left in their places, as if he doesn't even see them.

"Where are you going?" No, no, he can't leave. No… "Shuhei!" I'm practically screaming now and he finally looks at me, the saddest look in his eyes.

"Yumichika, I can't be with someone who is so cruel, for whatever reason." He stares at me and I feel a wet trail on my cheek. "I think you thought you were doing it for his own good but it was too much." His hand reaches out as if to touch my cheek but he pulls away abruptly. "That level of practicality is out of my league."

But, but it was for his own good, for Kira and Ikka and, and… More tears are falling now, almost cold on my burning skin. "No." A whimpered cry but he doesn't stop, just keeps going after a brief hitch in his step. "Shuhei!" He's going to come back, of course he will. He loves me, he does, and you don't leave the people you love. You just don't, you hold them tight and never let go.

He'll come back. So I'll just sit here and wait, because he'll come back.

Hours later, I lift my head from the wide shoulder and smile. "Hi." Of course I forgive him, I'm so glad he came back I… Wait, Shuhei doesn't have this scar and I can't feel the flutter of his hair on my cheek. "Ikka?"

"Hey, Yume." He kneels oh so carefully by my bed and sets me down gently. I try to get up immediately, I have to wait for Shuhei, he'll come back but only if I wait for him. "Yume, hold still ok? You're cold."

I blink and stop struggling. Doesn't he understand? I try to speak but nothing comes out, my throat is tight and dry. "I know but you need to have a drink and get some real sleep. You know you get sick easily in this kind of weather." A glance out the window tells me it's raining a bit, one of those miserable mists we get this time of year. Water and a blanket make him happy so I hold still long enough for him to wrap me up and give me a few sips.

"Ikka, I have to wait for Shu-bunny. He's coming, so I should wait for him, don't you think?" Why is he looking at me like that? He's, he's shaking his head, why is he doing that? "Ikka?" He looks so sad.

"Fuck, Yume." I just keep staring, watching his hand run over his head as he stares at the wall. "Just, fuck." When I try to speak, he kneels down beside me again and pulls me against his chest. Not that I mind, I've always loved Ikka's chest, but why is he hugging me now? "He's not coming back."

What? Of course he's coming back. He loves me. "He loves me." I'm squeezed more tightly. "He loves me."

"Yeah. Yeah, he does, but he's still not coming back." Tears slide over my cheeks, fast and hard as Ikkaku starts to rock slowly back and forth. "I'm so fucking sorry. This is my fault." I can hear the pain in his voice and cry harder, my hands still at my side. They won't move, to hold him or push him away; one would be to admit Shuhei isn't coming back and the other would be to deny the truth.

"Please?" I hate myself for begging, even if it's only Ikka who hears. "But he loves me! And, and, you don't" gasp "leave" hic "people you" gasp "love!"

For a long time, he just holds me, rocking slowly and steadily until my sobs collapse into tired hiccups and exhausted sniffles. "Yume, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I swear. Anything." See, see? Ikka loves me and he's not letting go! So, so why?

"But" I have to pause to draw another breath; every word seems to take everything I have. "Shuhei?"

"No, dove, no Shuhei." My chest shuts down and I feel my head spinning. "Yumi! Don't you dare faint!" Strong arms pull me into his lap, cuddling me with my head propped in the curve of his neck. "Shh, shh, it's all okay. I'll make it okay." His heart beats against my hand, the sturdy presence from so many years ago, and I start to breathe again. "I swear I'll make it okay, whatever it takes."

We sit for hours, listening to the silence of a dreary dawn fade to the quiet bustle of a dreary day. "Kira will be angry." As much as I want him to stay, he should at least make an appearance at home every twenty-four hours.

"No, never. He sent me here." I jerk in his arms and he shushes me. "He heard you two fighting on his way home and thought I should check in." A big hand runs over my hip and pats my stomach. "He was really upset, about what you said." My shoulders round a little. Yet that guy gave up my best friend when I needed him the most. "Hey, Yume?"

"Yeah." Shit, I'm crying again. I wipe my face on Ikka's uniform shoulder and sniffle until a napkin from last night's snack is held up to my face.

A little frown but I take it anyways. I doubt I can think of a handkerchief or tissue within reach right now. After I blow my nose, the napkin is removed and tossed towards the garbage. "Thanks." Gentle lips ghost over my hair and I nod, a quick, nearly invisible jerk of the head. I knew he would understand, that he would still love me. "Feel a bit better?"

Not really. How are you supposed to feel when your long term lover, the one you thought would always love you no matter what, walks out on you? Probably not like smiling too much. "Come on, up you go." Ikka's striding around my little room, tossing things into a bag. Hair brushes, nail polish, some clothing, my favourite WIG!

I'm across the room and grabbing it before he can even blink. "This is expensive! Have some respect!"

He's grinning like a fool and starts to laugh. Little chuckles at first, then he bends in half to hold his stomach and gasp. Honestly, it's not that funny. But, I suppose, it is a little bit silly. I giggle quietly and he smacks me on the back. "That's my guy. Come on, let's get you packed up."

"Where are we going?" We can't go far, Shuhei might still come back, even if Ikka sys he won't. My stomach rolls and I fixed my gaze on the floor.

As always, my best friend reads my mind and hauls me against his side. "We're going home. Izuru's waiting for us." My head jerks up, slamming into his chin. "Dammit, stop that! Every time, Yume, every fucking time!"

It would be hilarious if my head didn't hurt so damn much. And he's right, we've been doing the same thing for decades now but old habits are hard to break, I suppose. "I can't go to your place, Ikka." It's his home, his and Kira's. The home they worked so hard to make together and that Ikkaku has been defending for years. "I'll stay here. I'll be fine."

"Nope, 'Zuru insisted I bring you back and you've seen him once his temper goes." He squeezes me to his side and kisses the top of my head again. "He's not mad, you know. He's not dumb either."

As if I didn't feel awful enough already, now I feel extra guilty for being so rough with him. Even if I thought it was the best thing. Another stray tear trickles out and I rub it away quickly. "Yume, just accept it and come home. You've always been welcome in our home, no matter what." He can sense my reluctance. "At least for a few days, okay? Stay for a week and if you still what to come back, you can."

I nod slowly because he won't let up and he'll carry me there if he has to. It's not as if the entire Soul Society won't know where I am in a matter of hours anyways, so Shuhei will be able to find me. And I do want to go, to not have to spend the night alone here with my blood on the floor and my pillow soaked with rain and tears. "Great, get your coat."

My poor room looks lonely and small as we walk away, leaving it dark and locked. But the door is flung open at Ikka's and a familiar little frame comes rushing out with towels and an extra umbrella. Warm light shines from inside as quick hands fuss with Ikkaku's clothes and wiping water from his face. Kira blushes and holds out a towel to me as I toe my shoes off, pushing neat little slippers towards me with the side of his foot. I'm only half surprised to find them warm when I step in.

"Hi." He looks embarrassed and uncertain of what to do. I feel that way too and we stand awkwardly in the entrance for a moment until Ikkaku pushes me forward. "Um, come in, please. It's not much but I, ah, fixed up the second room for you, if you like." Not the 'guest room' but the 'second room.' I like that.

"'Zuru, love, is there anything left from supper last night?" Ikka leans over Kira's shoulder and kisses his ear, arms wrapped around his waist. "I'm starving."

"Ikkaku! Of course I made a real meal for you." The big hands are slapped away and the barest twitch of a smile is hidden before the blond turns to face his lover. "Honestly, when do I not feed you?"

My friend leans back and looks down at the little figure glaring up at him. "True, true. Got to keep me coming home, no?"

"As if that's why you come home every night." They grin at each other for a second before the blond blushes and flounces off with a laugh. I never knew Kira could laugh like that, or tease someone so easily. "Lunch will be on the table in a minute if you two will set it."

I follow along and hold plates while Ikkaku sets them out carefully. It's a good home, filled with smiles and gentle touches, quiet laughter and softer whispers. I can feel the sheer force of will that went into making this a home vibrating from the walls and I regret coming here.

I really don't belong.

"Yume?" My attention snaps forward to see Ikka watching me and Kira fussing beside him. "Gonna sit or what?" I settle down immediately and take the plate the blond hands to me. It feels strange to sit at a high table like this; I've always associated chairs with offices but Kira is folded neatly in one while Ikka sprawls so this must be what they are used to.

I try to be quiet and not make the meal awkward, leaving conversation to the lovers as they chat about random things, from work to the weather. When we've finished, Ikkaku leaps to gather dishes and carry them to the kitchen sink. It's kind of cute the way he and his housemate argue over how much soap to add and what order to wash things in. When I pick up a towel to help dry, Kira moves to stop me.

"Oh, you don't have to!" He grabs the edge with surprising strength and tries to tug it away from me. From sheer contrary habit, I hold on and pull back.

"But I want to." Not really, but I didn't cook and wasn't much help setting the table either, so I can at least dry a few dishes. "Let go."

He's digging in his heels now and we've come to a standstill. "No." We glare at each other until Ikkaku reaches between us and takes the towel away.

"I'll do it. You two go have a bath. We're all tired." We both turn to protest but he silences us with a finger over my lips and quick kiss to Kira's. "Go on." He ushers us out and pushes the garbage can in front of the entrance to block us out.

"Well… I guess I'll run a bath for you. I'll show you where the towels are too." I feel kind of bad for Kira, he's been kicked out of his own kitchen because of me and is obviously unhappy about it. He doesn't seen upset with me, just unhappy that Ikkaku sent him away.

Between the two of us, we manage to find a temperature we can live with and stand looking at each other, unsure of who gets to go first. "Oh, this is stupid. Strip." He starts hauling his shirt over his head while I stand and stare like an idiot. "Come on, you can't have anything I haven't seen before."

Well maybe not, but… "I might." A brief pause and he looks up, eyes wide.

They narrow suddenly and he plants his hands on his hips. "I highly doubt it. Unless you think I spend my nights in the second room?" I can't tell if he's teasing or not. For a second, we just stare at each other, then little smiles and he keeps undressing.

His over pants drop to his ankles and he steps out, shoving them aside with his foot. He's kind of sexy, in that skinny way but I still don't see the attraction. Well, whatever. Fine, if he thinks I'll be embarrassed, he's in for a surprise. I strip quickly, dropping my clothes on his and step over to grab the soap.

Finally, the last of his clothes slide off and I hear them hit the floor. Soap is taken gently from my hand. "Can I wash your back?"

Now that's a sexual advance if I've ever heard one. I just shrug – it's his problem if Ikka catches him fooling around. I'm surprised to feel efficient hands scrub me down and rinse me off quickly. A completely non-sexual experience and kind of nice. When I turn around, he's washing himself quickly and dumps water over his head with a shiver. The gleam of metal on his chest catches me unaware and I try not to stare, curious as I am.

"Done?" He's already hopping into the bath and splashing a bit while he gets himself settled, leaving enough room for me to face him. It's bigger than I thought at first glance, deeper to conserve space I suppose. I slide in tentatively, careful not to touch him but there's plenty of room for us to stay away from each other. "So, about earlier." I shrug and turn my head; this is the last thing I want to talk about. "Um, thank you, and, ah, sorry."

I hum at him and splash a little, wiggling my hands along just under the surface of the water. "Really. You were right, I was being a child and getting myself upset about something that might not even happen." He grins abruptly. "All I have to do is stay alive, right?"

He is amazing. I never thought so, I always thought it was lust that drew Ikka to him but this skinny little Lieutenant just might be tougher than I am.

Kira

"All I have to do is stay alive, right?" It sounds so easy, as easy as having Yumichika live with us for a bit but I can only hope I can make it happen.

Ikkaku and I had a long discussion last night, about a lot of things. Things that he's been dealing with by himself, things he's been hiding from me, things I'm worried about, all kinds of things. About him being pressured to break up with me since I've been trying to gain Captain status and about my worry that he's acting irrationally. I was so happy when he came home and sat down to talk with me. Well, maybe not talk but he answered my questions and listened to what I had to say. I thought for sure he would just sit and nod and say it was his fault, that he was sorry, and I hate that. It's so stupid and it doesn't solve anything.

But he didn't. By the time I got home, I'd even figured out what Yumichika had said and why he said it. When I told Ikkaku, he just nodded and said it sounded like Yume. As much as it hurt, I realize I was being foolish and that the future isn't what is important. The only worry I need to have is for now and what our next meal will be. I would never do anything so stupid as think that disappearing would make it better for Ikkaku but I can understand why Yumichika might think of me that way.

I do have a track record of being weak. But looking at him across the bath from me, I'm not sure he's all that much stronger. Physically, yes, as a fighter, most definitely, but emotionally, not so much. Maybe he's always been as used to leaning on Ikkaku as I've become and if Shuhei sticks to his word, Yumichika will have no one of his own. Because I'm not giving Ikkaku back. I'll share for a bit but he's mine.

We sit quietly, not really looking at each other or moving around. I can feel Ikkaku coming closer and turn to look at the door a second before it opens. Our reitsu is still a little tangled but I don't need to use it to know he's quite content with us getting along. I probably shouldn't ruin his little fantasy. "Ikkaku, are you going have a bath?"

"After. I have that stupid thing tonight, remember?" I nod immediately. That's right, he does have that supper and planning session to go to. No matter how I try to smile, it doesn't really work that well and I duck my head to blow bubbles in the water. "You guys about done? I set up the mats in the front room." The short outfits he likes to nap in are left on the sink before he shuts the door behind him.

Yumichika makes a quiet noise, I almost think it's a grunt but he doesn't make that kind of noise. I think. He towels off quickly and wraps himself in my blue outfit, leaving the green one for me. I follow his silently, waiting until he's closes the door to empty the bath and dry myself. My cheeks feel warm; I'd forgotten about the new piercing and I hope he doesn't think it's strange.

By the time I enter the designated nap room, Ikkaku and Yumichika are snuggled up in a comfy looking bundle, chatting quietly to each other. For an instant I feel like an outsider and I stop in the door, uncertain if I should bother. Maybe I can't do this. Not that I think either of them wish to be a couple again but as always, they vanish into their own world together. Deep eyes turn to me and Ikkaku beams as he holds out his hand.

Tension falls from my shoulders as and I step forward to take his hand and let him cuddle me against his other side. Maybe I'll be allowed into that private little world. My hand rests on his chest, just brushing Yumichika's, who pulls away as soon as we touch. Oh well, I suppose I don't expect us to magically get along.

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Do not panic. I haven't decided what to do yet and the next chapter is almost done. Tuesday or Wednesday for sure. We might go for some experimentation or I may fall back on the same pairings. Let's see how the next chapter goes before getting upset, hm?


	6. Chapter 6

Oh my. It ran away again. Just for general information, there are two Ikkaku/Kira sex scenes, one fight, and Yumichika generally getting in the way. It's fun, at least for me to write, so I hope you enjoy it as well. I'm working on the next chapter but I wanted to post right away.

Ikkaku

Damn it anyways. As if Izuru having fits weren't enough, now Shuhei's gone and made an ass of himself. At least he had the decency to come tell me what he'd done.

And what exactly is wrong with not telling Kira everything? I can handle more stress than he can and we both know it. While I admit telling Yamamoto to go fuck himself might not have been the best thing to do, it worked. He hasn't sent around that snob of his to harass me for almost a month. Of course, Captain Unohana standing up for us didn't hurt either but we'd have been fine. Like I told 'Zuru, I am more than willing to walk if they try to insist on anything.

This is our life and I'll be damned before I'll let some stuck up old geezer try to break it apart.

And if I go, I'll take Izuru, Yumichika, and Renji with me for sure. Kenpachi might even be in the mood to follow, if he's having a boring day. Not to mention there will be a general rebellion if that old guy keeps sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Kyouraku and Ukitake are already in his bad graces and Kurotsuchi has been pissed since he couldn't get permission to go chase the Quincy boy. It gives me great satisfaction to know he's starting to run low on blind followers.

I'm not dumb enough to think those guys are going to leave or anything but they'll cause trouble if Yamamoto chases me out with four other Captain level men. Good enough.

It's good to lay here, blond on one shoulder and black on the other, listening to soft breathing. They're both exhausted from staying up all night and snuggling up next to me seems to be doing the trick. Poor Izuru, he was so nervous about Yume coming to stay, I almost said no. But I couldn't just leave my best friend on his step either.

We'll just have to make our way along, nice and easy. Though, if they can't even do dishes without arguing, this will be a long week. Yume snuffles against my chest and swats at Izuru's hand, a second before 'Zuru makes an annoyed sound and swats back. I put my hand on top of theirs and they settle. A very long week.

A few hours later, I wake up alone, the places beside me long cold. What time is it? It's impossible to tell through the light rain outside so I drag myself up and wander to the kitchen, scratching my stomach idly. Izuru is leaning on the counter, counting quietly to himself. "1020, 1026, 1032, 1038, 1044, 1050"

Oh shit. He's doing his multiples again. Very, very pissed. First instinct is to duck and cover but I should probably be brave and at least ask what's wrong. "Hey, babe."

"1068, 1074, 1080, 1086, 1093." He pauses for a breath and I step forward to rub his back. Probably the most ballsy thing I've ever done other than fight Kenpachi and even that's debatable. "Your friend is a prick."

"Ah, yeah, babe. That he is." And here I thought they were doing okay. "Want to tell me about it?"

He's turned around and jabbing his finger in my chest before I can blink. "Tell you? How about I fucking show you?" Aw hell, and there goes his language; I'm dragged by the front of my top to the bathroom and I glance around. Place looks fine and I doubt Yume would seriously damage someone else's stuff. Okay, _my_ stuff, but still. "Look harder, Ikkaku."

"I'm not seeing it." I really, really don't. No water on the floor, a few extra things on the counter but that's to be expected, mirror coloured the way Yume likes it, I don't… oh. Uh oh. "Now, 'Zuru, it's ok, I'll get you a new one and"

"I don't want a fucking new one, I want THAT one! You know damn well that was expensive. I went without food for a month for that!" Must be tough, must not cringe away from him. "And when I told him, do you know what he said?" No, but I'm about to find out. "He said it wasn't beautiful enough for him to look in. Of all the conceited, snobbish, _ill-bred_ peacocks I have ever met, he is the biggest one!"

He's panting and I think maybe I can speak now but I guess not, judging by the tired sigh. "I'm trying, Ikkaku, I really am. I don't mind if he's here, he's more than welcome to stay, but his attitude… We live here too; he isn't the only person in the world."

"He's knows that, really he does. He's just, well," I trail off with a helpless shrug. "Look, he's a good guy, ok? One of the best but he has a hard time with people sometimes. Just be patient, okay? I'm really sorry about your mirror; I'll replace it I swear."

His shoulders slump and he leans on me, calming down for long minutes. No explosions today. "You're right. I just need to calm down and not get upset about little things." He looks so sweet, I lean down to kiss him on the nose. His head tips back to meet my lips and we kiss slowly, breathing into each other.

A delicate cough from behind us and I pull away. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Yume standing with his hands behind him. He smiles a bit tentatively and rolls a shoulder when I try to get him to go away for a minute. "Lieutenant Kira."

"We're home now, you can just call me Izuru." My sweetie sounds a bit tired yet mostly calm. But he is hiding against my side, hand clenched at my hip.

Dark hair tips gracefully. "As you wish, Izuru. My apologies for altering your mirror without asking first. I assure you, it is reversible."

"It is?" Really? I didn't know that. My eyes narrow at him and he smirks back. That damn brat, he could have changed all the mirrors in the Eleventh back instead of leaving them that humiliating pink color. How can we be taken seriously with pink glass in every mirror in the place?

Kira nestles more firmly into my side, nose pressing under my arm in his embarrassment. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"Okay." And as far as Yume is concerned, it's over. Poor Izuru, he's not sure what to think. A little shift so he can see around me and I feel him smile against my side, pulling away as Yume hauls out his ultimate 'I'm cute and sweet and you want to spend time with me' weapon; the little wave and tilt of thin hips. "Do you want to help me make supper?"

My best friend nods quickly and I move to the side to let my lover scoot by. Catastrophe averted. Please, please let them get along. At least until Yume gets back on his feet.

Yumichika

This is not going to work.

Kira and I are just too different to manage in the same house and Ikkaku can't side with me on this. Which is fine, I know he lives for Kira the way he could never live for me, not that I'd want him to. We're the best of friends and that is the way it's meant to be. The sex was good and all but we'd never be able to stand each other as a couple.

At least his years with me are paying off for him. I like to be spoilt and pampered and even if Kira isn't used to that, he reacts well to it. Pretty much anyone would, really, but Ikka has this talent of finding the thing that will make you smile, no matter how crappy your day is going. Makes me happy to see them together, even if my stomach hurts.

Shuhei still hasn't come.

Maybe Ikkaku was right – he isn't coming. That hurts much more than it's supposed to. But I am Ayasegawa Yumichika and I don't cry over men who leave so he can kiss my ass. I smile bitterly at my false bravery in the mirror. If he came back and still wanted me, I'd throw myself on him and I know it. "Pathetic."

"No it's not." I whirl and face the blond behind me. He leans in the doorway casually. "If Gin had come back for me, hell if he'd even considered asking me to go with him, I'd have thrown away everything." Why is he telling me? He never talks about Ichimaru, Aizen or any of the whole mess.

This makes me uncomfortable, edgy at the too close familiarity. "I adored him, I would have done anything for him to look my way. I used to wonder why he ever considered me and you know what I discovered? Luck. It was sheer, ridiculous luck. If I'd been even a second slower, if I had turned my back on Shuhei, if I'd been just that much more of a coward, I would never have had to meet him." His smile is sick around the edges. "He didn't want me to be anyone other than his vision. If he hadn't left, he would have killed me because I could never be his ideal toy. I know it now and I knew it then but I'd still have gone."

"Why?" My throat feels tight, to see that kind of acceptance of death, of the inevitability of betrayal. Why did he stay, why did he put up with it, why did he tell me? Is there even an answer for any of those? His eyes are brilliant behind pale lashes; the faded gleam of a fanatic still exists there and I'm almost afraid.

Almost.

My fingers slide on the smoothness of the sink as he steps towards me. "You've probably heard this before. Pick up your feet and walk. Leave anyone who can't keep up behind and move forward." Ikkaku's favourite saying whenever we got kicked out of some town. We must have abandoned thousands on our way, stepping over the weak as we walked, always facing towards some invisible goal. "If you can't show every facet of yourself, what good is a lover?"

With that, he's gone. I suppose he meant to be helpful, to encourage me to leave Shuhei behind and move forward. Not sure if it worked, everything still hurts, but maybe that's what Ikkaku's saying was always about. Keep walking, no matter how bad it hurts. I stand straight and stare at myself in the mirror. A weak smile and I wash my face quickly before sliding the door open to help Ikkaku close the house for the night.

"Want to sleep with us?" It's a well meant offer but I think I've pushed my luck far enough today.

I push the last lock in place and move to lean on Ikkaku's side. "No, I'm fine." A quick kiss to his cheek has him blushing and looking over my head. "I'm not a child, Ikka. I can handle getting dumped." My stomach twists brutally but I smile anyway. He'll let me go if I smile because Ikka has always been dumb that way; a smile means you're happy and that you'll be fine.

"Okay, sure. The door's open, got it?" Kira's bangs peek around the door, almost covering the bright blue eyes and pink cheeks. Yeah, there is no way I'll be crawling into that bed. At least he's not dumb enough to think I'm fine because I smile. He sticks out his tongue and darts away before I can do the same. "'Night. See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Ikkaku. Try to keep it down, hm?" I slip into my room and close the door on his red-cheeked denials. Ha. That'll teach that blond brat to stick his tongue out at me. There is no way he's getting laid for the next week.

Self satisfaction makes for a warm bed companion and I snuggle into the soft sheets, a fluffy blanket keeping the rain-chill away. I wasn't sure I would be able to sleep but staring at the unfamiliar ceiling is soothing in a way – counting slats gives me something to do until sleep curls me into a ball.

Ikkaku 

Long doesn't even begin to cover this. One day and I'm exhausted between them, running to put out every temper fire and keep them from brawling over the slightest thing. They had another argument over dishes and something happened earlier. No idea what, but I saw my sweetie sticking out his tongue at Yume, so whatever it was wasn't that bad.

I hope.

I close the door partially before Kira's voice reaches me. "Close it. Might want to lock it too." Hell no.

"Babe, I am not closing this door." Big eyes – not gonna work. "No. Even if he stays in the other room, you realize the wall is practically paper, right?" Not bringing up my darling listening to me breathing through the wall, I don't want to start a row.

"Just for a bit." He slinks from the bed, loose pants clinging to his hips and I lick my lips. All that pale, soft looking skin, criss-crossed with tan lines and the odd welt from training, sleek muscle giving him gentle curves that beg for my mouth. Not to mention the fascinating glitter of blue and gold that I try not to stare at. His hand feels like ice running over my chest, ice that leaves scalding trails behind. I stomp the whimper down as he breathes over my collar and blows gently on my ear. "I want you in my mouth."

"Nnnn." That's probably the best I can do, there is no way in hell I'll ever be able to say no. A small, strong hand slides between the folds of my casual clothes and closes around me, fondling carefully while I lean on the door. He grins at the quiet click and tugs, bowing my back and leading me forward to sit on the bed.

"Now hush, Ikkaku. Mustn't let Yumichika hear you." I think I just fell in love with that sly grin. That wicked mouth, soft lips and quick tongue that flickers at me as he licks his fingers and trails them over my skin, shoving cloth out of his way. Fully dressed, he kneels and kisses my stomach, nipping at the dent of my navel.

Staring at the long bangs is just as sexy as the first time, watching my cock disappear under that veil. Sun coarse strands slide over the head and trail the shaft as I pant. Oh fuck, he's making me crazy and not even touching me. "'Zuru…"

He laughs against my thigh and licks a line up to my hip. "Shh." A flirtatious blue eye peeks up from under the pale bangs. "Unless you want him to hear you?"

I mean to answer, I open my mouth to, but he runs that snippy little tongue over my head and words vanish. I want it so bad, just the licking is sending me flying. His head bobs suddenly, nice even suction dragging him down my shaft. I touch the back of his throat and he pulls back, curling his tongue around me. I'm not going to last.

It must have come out as a whisper because he eases back enough to test his teeth ever so delicately. "That's the point, love." Fast and hard, he sucks me in and moves quickly. Heat curls in my belly, rushing out to spread through my chest and make my heart beat faster.

This is going to be down right humiliating. A hum and I jolt up with only his hands on my thighs keeping me from choking him. Pleased laughter rumbles in his chest and I groan at the tease of sound over my flesh. His pace slows and his hands lift from my skin, hovering millimetres above – so close I can feel the heat from his fingers, the rush of air as they tremble.

Reitsu spikes suddenly, dragging every nerve I have screaming to the surface. Everything is a rush of blissful white and soft gold. When I open my eyes again, he's sitting back on his heels, wiping his mouth and licking his fingers clean. He smiles at me and crawls up to lean over my chest. "Hey. Feel better?"

I start to ask him what that means, then pause. "Yeah, I do." I think I just broke my record for lack of stamina but otherwise… All the stress from earlier, the worry that Izuru and Yume weren't getting along, concern for Yume in general, everything is cleared up. Maybe not gone, but a bit more ordered now that I'm relaxed enough to sort through it.

"Good." A soft kiss is brushed over my nose and he starts pulling and pushing to get me totally on the bed. Once I've scooted myself up into a semi-comfortable position, his head nestles down on my shoulder and his arm sneaks across my stomach. "Good night."

Good night? That's it? Not like he owes me anything but I can feel him pressing against my hip as he sighs and cuddles closer. "Izuru?"

"Yes?" My hand runs over his side and he moves to grab it with a soft gasp, holding me still.

Uh huh. "Is something wrong?" May as well tease him a little. Thin sleep pants feel coarse compared to his skin and he wriggles away from me, breathing heavily. "Is there something you want?"

His eyes are half closed with the pleasure my voice and little touches bring him but he shakes his head slowly anyways. "Liar." Soft lips part under mine and I lick my way inside, caressing him gently. Too long, it has been far too long since I've held him fast and kissed him like this.

His tongue touches mine hungrily but I pull away and kiss the corners of his mouth and the edges of his lips. A disappointed moan brings me back to explore his mouth again. It opens easily, accepting me and drowning me in texture and taste. The top of his tongue is a little rough but the bottom is delicate, thinner membraned and more sensitive. The barest whimper and I want to crush him to me. "Yes, Ikkaku, I want you!"

A demand wrapped in a plea and I roll us over, pushing him into the bed. "Now hush, we don't want him to hear, do we?" He stares up at me and whines, thin fingers yanking me back down to kiss him again.

I work my way down his neck and bite at the dip of his collar. Leaving a mark is irresistible as he writhes under my mouth, hands clinging to my shoulders. Hard metal rubs high on my chest and I slide further down, listening to quiet gasps as I investigate this new arrival in our lives. His nipple still has the same texture, a bit rougher than the surrounding skin but delicate and soft none the less.

Warm metal is another matter, the almost bitter taste on my tongue mixing with the salt of my lover's skin. "Aah!" I glance up to see him clamp his hand over his mouth, not quite muffling the little cries as I lick then suck. I should hurry up this time I suppose, unhappy as it may make me to wait. An absolutely brilliant idea sends me rolling from between his legs to rummage on the floor for his sash.

The corner fits in his mouth nicely and I mean to leave it at that. But his hand makes such a nice contrast to the white material that I can't resist looping the fabric around his wrist. From there, it's the most natural thing to tie the end to his other wrist. A few tugs and he's watching me from over white cloth with his hands tied firmly in front of him. I grin at him and he makes muffled little noises back at me. "What?" I blow air over his chest and watch his breathing stutter. "Want me to let you go?"

Unhappy noises and I push my hand down his stomach. "Or do you want something else?" I wanted to be quick but I guess I'm just not meant for that. With such an adorable feast laid out, how could I let it go to waste? Brushing against his erection makes him cry out and I lean down to kiss his stomach, nibbling at the soft line of hair that leads to his groin. "I love you, you know that?"

Happiness floods me, warming my skin. My head jerks up; where the hell did that come from? It felt like reitsu but not mine and not quite Izuru's. His eyes are brilliant and he wriggles his hips, very clearly telling me to move it and not make him suffer. I narrow my eyes at him but he just rolls his shoulders then his hips. Alright, fine. This is more interesting anyways, for the moment.

Denying him what he wants is always a joy because he makes _that face_. The one that says he wants me so badly it hurts. That if I don't move it immediately, he's going to drag me up and take it. I have more leeway tonight because Yume is in the next room but pressing my luck, while fun, may not be the best plan. I forget how loud my darling can be until he's quieted.

Swirling my tongue over the head of his cock brings new, fascinating sounds from behind the sash and thrashing of strong legs. "Spread your legs, love." He obeys, thighs shifting across the thin sheets he likes so much with a whisper of sound. Pale skin trembles as I run a finger over it, trailing the edges of dark blond curls to draw designs on his testicles. Finally, I take pity on him and settle myself between his legs to let him feel my length press against his.

The oil bottle is still open from yesterday and I dip my fingers in a little. Just enough to smooth the way. He's so eager, we can get away with less and not make a mess. A quick stroke of myself before I touch my fingers to his entrance. A few seconds of stretching and he's writhing even more, demanding I please him. Just a few more seconds, this kind of heat and tightness is amazing every time I feel it.

Hot flesh pulses under my tongue and I bury my nose in his heavy scent, sucking and nibbling slowly. As I pull away to tease him with little puffs of air, my head snaps up, thin fingers gripping my chin to force me to look. Blue flares at me, brilliant and dangerous. "Now." I twist my fingers and send him off the bed, teeth digging into his lip to keep from yelling. Bound hands smack me square on the chest. "Now!"

I cover his mouth with mine and whisper against his lips. "As you command." Sinking into him is as amazing as always, his body gripping mine and drawing me in deeper. He sighs and smiles, hips moving slowly with mine. The wet end of the sash rubs between our chests; tied wrists trapped against our stomachs bring a pleasant friction. He's trying to touch his cock but as long as I keep moving, he can't reach. His fingers wriggle unhappily against our stomachs, just far enough down to brush the wet tip before I push in again, moving his hands up our bodies.

Slow kisses as I speed up my thrusts make him cry against me. Not long, I worked him too hard to last very long but I want to savour every second. "Love you." Soft words spoken into my skin as he arches his back one last time and calls my name. The sound is swallowed up as I force myself even more deeply inside and let orgasm sweep through me. Slower, this time, and I feel every pulse and throb of pleasure run through me, swirling in my stomach and rushing up my spine.

So much for not making a mess. I snort and laugh into his neck. "What?" He sounds so tired, warm breath washing over my ear as he tried to see my face. "What's funny?"

"Nothing. Just thinking how beautiful you are." Pink moves over his cheeks and I follow it with kisses before sliding away to sit beside him. Untying his hands only takes a minute and I grab my discarded clothes to wipe us down. As soon as we're clean enough to sleep, I lay down beside him and move his sprawled limbs to snuggle against me.

We are definitely discussing this whatever-it-is that is knocking my energy around. Because he knows something. The guilty glances and furtive avoidance when weird energy crap happens are pretty clear indicators. Not to mention he was messing with my energy while he thought I was napping. I should have said something then but he was trying so hard to sneak in, I was curious as to why. Something happened and I'm going to find out what.

Kira

Hmm, Ikkaku is always so warm. And poking me in the arm. "What?" This better be good, I've still got a good two hours to sleep. He just keeps prodding at me and I raise my head from his shoulder. "What do you want?" It can't be sex, it's too early for sex and it doesn't take two hours either.

"Awake?" He's watching me closely. It makes me nervous. "We gotta talk." I'm wide awake now, two hours or no.

Talk? "About what?" When in doubt, play innocent. Or run but I don't think I'll get far.

"You know what." I try to burrow under his arm but he hauls me out and sets me on his chest. "So? What's going on?" I stare at the pulse in the hollow of his throat.

Steady, steady, as regular as the sunrise. I wish I could be so steady. "Um, well, you see, it was an accident."

"What was an accident?" I lay my head down on his shoulder and rub little circles on his neck.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't think it would do that and I can't get it fixed but I tried and" I feel like I'm six again and trying to justify to my father why I failed my first kidou exam. A miserable little whisper breathes over his skin. "I'm sorry."

"Gotta tell me why first, babe. Can't help you if I don't know what went wrong." He's smiling gently down at me but it won't last long. Not once he realizes what I've done.

I try to smile back but I'm afraid it isn't very strong. "We're stuck." A dark brow rises at me and he snorts in my ear. "We are. I can't get our reitsu untangled."

"What?"

He's angry, I knew he would be. "I used your energy to boost mine to hold you down when" I want to finish the sentence but I can't make myself say I used an untested technique for sex and fucked it up. "And now I can't get us untangled."

Quiet, he's so quiet and his hand is still against my back. He must be so angry with me. "So whatch're sayin's you' stuck wit' me." The old deep accent is back, the one he had when he first arrived here. The one I hate because it sounds like his mouth is full of something sticky.

Though, I wouldn't put it quite that way, really. "It means our energies are too mixed up to separate, Ikkaku." His voice sounds strange; not angry but he can't seriously be happy.

"So? Not like you're stealin' it, right?" That awful accent is fading and I shake my head immediately.

"Of course not!" I would never try to siphon off energy. It would make us both weaker, me for being dependant and him for having less to use. Not that he really uses it anyways. But that doesn't excuse me locking us into this mess. "I was thinking of going to the Fourth to see Captain Unohana. She might be able to get it untangled." I sincerely doubt it though. I tried and tried but it's almost as if the reitsu has blended to form something new.

I'm afraid that if we remove the new energy form, it will damage us both. And I know without a doubt Ikkaku wouldn't want anything that might make him weaker. "So it can't be fixed?"

"I, I don't know." I feel so helpless and stupid. I can't even control my own powers. "I'm sorry."

A dark finger traces my cheek and I realize I'm crying. "S'ok, come on, stop that." I feel him smile against my hair seconds before a kiss is pressed to my forehead. "Don't cry love."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't even say what I'm sorry for; being weak, crying, making a mistake with still too-young powers. Stopping is always so much harder than starting but I choke it back and dig my nose into his neck while he pets my hair.

A heavy sigh moves his chest up and down, rubbing my nose on his skin. I sniffle and giggle at the same time. "Damn, babe, I thought it was something awful." He doesn't think tying us together like this is awful? "This is okay. I don't feel any different." And because he doesn't feel anything right this instant, everything is fine?

"Ikkaku, that's"

He interrupts me. "I said it's fine. But if you want to owe me, I'm good with that." That tone is familiar and I can see the leer in my mind. His hand moves from my hair down my back to squeeze my ass. My hand makes a fist on his chest and I force it flat. I don't think it's over but for the moment I'm not going to press. No point in making trouble for myself; well, more trouble.

My hips move against his and I scoot down a little to line up better. As always, he's more than happy to have me pressed up against him. A little smile and I kiss his chest and nip at a flat nipple. It starts to peak immediately, hardening as I lick and suck. One hand is still trapped under my body but the free one reaches over to pluck at the soft dark skin, teasing it to a hard nub as he groans and shifts under me.

I'm flying, lifted and drop on my back with his weight holding me down before I can even think to fight it. "I thought you owed me?" He grins down at me and I smile back.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I murmur so he has to lean in close to hear me. "Anything you desire."

"Damn right." His mouth tastes a little bitter but it sets mine on fire with soft, teasing kisses. Our lips brush and our tongues touch to send electric shocks down my spine. "Love you, my precious Izuru." He works his way over my shoulders and lifts a hand to suck each finger slowly.

Soft wet surrounds me and I moan at the wonderful feeling of his adoration. His lips curve in a pleased smile and he kisses his way over the repeat the process on my other hand. The free hand moves over my chest to pay attention to the firm nipples and flick the little metal bar. I clap a hand over my mouth to muffle the cry only to have it captured and pulled away. "Ikkaku!" I'm too embarrassed by the possibility of Yumichika hearing us to not have anything over my mouth.

"He left already. Won't be back for a few hours." Left? This early? I'm distracted by a warm tongue swirling over my sensitive skin to suck each nipple in turn. My moan can't be held back and I run my hands over the smooth skin of my lover's head, holding him to me. Every flicker of his tongue sends pleasure shivering over my stomach and pools heat in my groin. Especially when the hard little bar shifts, drawing little cries from my throat.

My hands flex against his head, unsure if they should pull him up from my stomach or push him further down. His fingers comb the dark curls between my legs and I arch my back. Just a little more, if he would just wrap his hand around me…

Soft breaths cool the bead of pre-cum at the head of my cock and I gasp at the icy feel followed by the hot swipe of his tongue. "Yessss." Better, this is better than his hand; wet heat and tight suction are heaven. My hips move slowly up to meet him as he bobs, humming quietly.

A single finger presses to my opening, rubbing the outer ring until it relaxes enough to let him touch just inside, even without any lube. Normally it would make me nervous to be touched like this without even saliva but Ikkaku's in a slow mood today and there is no chance that he will hurt me unintentionally. A little more and I whimper from the too tight feel, the slightly uncomfortable tug of dry entrance.

"Shh." He blows a rough raspberry on my inner thigh, making me jerk and tighten around his fingertip with a startled yelp. We both laugh before he wiggles the invading digit and I gasp. It's only to the first knuckle but my eyes roll back as he strokes gently. Everything feels so strongly like this, with a rough edge.

One last lick and he's sliding down my body more, lifting my hips to press his lips to the curve of my ass. I follow him with my hands to hold my thighs and he whispers against the back of my thigh. "Good boy." His hands rub over my skin before parting my cheeks and blowing gently on the delicate skin.

I gasp then squeak when he licks my entrance. Another long lick and he pushes against me, easing past already relaxed muscle. Steady thrusts make me rock my body up to meet him and I moan as my back arches. Amazing how sensitive and delicate his tongue can be as it wriggles inside. One finger slips inside to stretch gently before a second joins it. My groin aches, heavy and hot, and I'm reduced to begging already. "Please, Ikkaku! Please."

An almost scream escapes as he pushes his tongue deeply before pulling back and surging up my body to kiss me deeply. His hands cover mine on my thighs as he lines himself up and shoves inside, tearing my mouth from his in a sharp gasp. "Ikkaku!"

It hurts to be entered that roughly with only saliva as lubricant. Not too badly but a dull throb that makes stopping a very real possibility. We didn't do any work-up and it doesn't really hurt in the good way. I pant against his neck while he whispers reassurances and apologies into my hair. I relax slowly and lift my head to kiss him. "Okay." His hand is busy on my erection, keeping me hard while I adjust. He pulls away slowly and pushes back in just as slowly.

It's tight and almost, not quite uncomfortable but he feels so good inside, his body covering mine, nothing else matters. His tongue touches mine at the same time as we both groan, the sounds vibrating through our chests to be shared and amplified. He's pushing against the sweet spot with every slow movement within my body and his thumb moves over the head of my cock. My hands move from my skin to his, tracing heavy muscle and exploring the defined chest and abs.

So gorgeous, so much bigger than I am but just as graceful and agile. But I am more flexible, which is put to good use with the way he pushes my legs to my chest. A muffled moan as I tighten around him and he strokes the back of my knees with his thumb, the full feeling of his orgasm pounding through me. I try to grab my cock but the angle is awkward and he grins down at my panting. One hand slides from my leg and wraps gently around me as I gasp and plead.

It doesn't take much, just a few strokes before I follow him over the edge. His mouth covers mine again to swallow the scream as I come, splashing semen over my chest and stomach. My ass tightens around him and he groans, dropping his forehead to rest against mine. "You're perfect, you know that?"

Hardly but I smile anyways. "Love you." Not to ruin the mood or anything but I'm still tired. And there's probably another hour before I have to get going. Ikkaku cleans us up and I wince at the feel of yesterday's clothes. Damn, I'll have to wash those by hand too; it's so much easier to just hand them over to the fourth.

Subtle snuggling and I sigh as I rest my head against his arm. "Hey, you're not going to sleep, are you?" I suppose not.

"Is there a reason not to?" He jostles me until I look up.

"Don't you have to go to work?" I try to roll over and get under the pillow. "Hey, come on. You'll be late."

Urgh, just let me sleep a little. It can't be that late. "Still early."

"Ah, babe? No, it's not. It's getting kind of late, really. I thought you had your division's kidou tests?" Crap, that was supposed to be today. I groan and force myself to sit up, dragging my fingers through messed bangs. A quick look outside tells me it is in fact that late and roll off the bed, stumbling to the door. "Breakfast?"

He sounds so hopeful. "Get your own, okay?" I try not to be awful about it but he did get me up and now I'll be tired for the rest of the day. "I have to go. I'll see you later. Don't forget to come early, ok?"

"Yeah, yeah." I slide my clothes on quickly and comb my hair. A quick brush of the teeth and pat down of my face with a wet cloth and I'll do. At least until lunch when I can sneak away to have a quick bath.

"Oh, and please have Yumichika come by with you, the eleventh is up after my team." I turn to the door and have it opened on my fingers.

"What about me?" The brunet in the door leans in my way, blocking the exit.

I sigh. "Kidou tests are today, please don't forget to come." I know for a fact that both he and Ikkaku, along with half of the Eleventh, 'forgot' what day it was and vanished from the city last year. As well as the five years before that.

Full lips tighten in an almost pout before he beams at me. "Of course we won't forget!"

They aren't coming. I just sigh, give Ikkaku my best 'do as you're told' look and slip by the pretty man. At least he doesn't look as tired and worn out as he did yesterday. I hope he's feeling better.

1234567890

Well honestly. I check the time again, glancing at the sky irritably. Ikkaku is more than two hours late for his exam, ever mind being early. And Yumichika is with him, guaranteed. While I understand neither of them want to do reitsu training, tough. Everyone has to and everyone has to pass the level tests to keep their positions. Even Captains.

Walking along, I maintain an egg-shaped shield around myself just in case someone loses control. The men are playing games while practicing, waiting their turns to be examined. Some pass balls between themselves while others move brightly coloured bean bags in patterns and some are working on upgrading, taking the opportunity of having advanced reitsu users present to learn from. The occasional shock runs through my shield but I shrug them off and call instructions out absently.

Hmm. We're short two. I turn quickly, recounting heads and looking for anyone who might be sitting or laying down. No, definitely missing. "Tetsummi, where are Jin and Sakurada?"

Tetsummi looks over but only shrugs before turning back to teaching a blond the correct hand positions. Damn it, where could they have gone? They can't be far, I just saw them half an hour ago, playing a game of catch. I stomp up the path, cursing under my breath while looking for them, checking up high on the roofs. Maybe it would be faster if I traveled along the arches, at least I would be able to see more clearly.

Good idea. A quick hop and I balance on the eave for a second before bouncing to the very top and glancing around. Where the hell did they go? Way to make me look like an incompetent idiot. Why today, of all days? I've just announced my intention of taking the Captain's test and they are making my life difficult already. A quiet laugh and I spin around, glaring at empty space. "Alright, you two. Get out here."

Silence, then a yell from behind me. "Lieutenant!" Again, I whirl around with exactly enough to time catch a flash of white and a burst of pain in my cheek. The fall seems to last years, every crack in the wall brilliantly clear as I float past. Floating comes to an abrupt halt with a loud thud and the crack of my head hitting the ground.

Tickling at my nose makes me sneeze and my eyes flutter open to see Isane smiling down at me. "Hello there, Lieutenant Kira."

"Ugh." Oh hell, that was supposed to be hello. "Eehhh" No talking, got it. My head throbs in time with the pain in my chest and my left arm feels weird every time I breathe.

"Shh. You'll be alright. You knocked your head pretty badly and cracked a few ribs. Your left shoulder is dislocated so you probably feel some tingling in the arm." Her hands are so soft and warm, I want to snuggle into them and never let go. "I'm going to put your shoulder back and fix the ribs now then you can come in and have the little things looked at."

"Teesstt." A few tears escape when I try to talk. That hurts so damn much!

A quiet sigh and she shakes her head, those gentle hands suddenly on my arm. For a second I don't feel anything, then agony rips through my body as I arch and writhe, my dry throat feeling like it's bleeding from the scream. "You aren't taking any tests today." Reitsu wraps around my chest, forcibly knitting the bones back together and I fight to stay still.

I'll be good, forever and ever, I swear! I'll never even scratch myself again. My ribs feel fine but the shoulder throbs deep inside, too far in to be blocked by the severed nerves at the surface. Warm power moves over my face and my eyes flutter closed at the quiet comfort. "Have to supervise." At least I can speak again.

Her eyes narrow and I wiggle a bit, feeling like a child caught with an extra cookie. "You can go watch, but no testing." A careful nod and she smiles again. "And I believe those are yours?" A graceful hand motions to the side and I turn slowly to look.

Jin and Sakurada are sitting on the ground, looking guilty and terrified. "They flew into the Captain's office babbling about killing you." I can't see it, but I know her eyebrow is raised because they cringe and huddle closer together. "Something about a ball and you not deflecting it?"

Well at least I know what hit me. "Thank you, I'll take care of them." They cringe more, if that's even possible. Moving slowly, I manage to sit up and roll to my knees. My arm continues to ache but my head feels fine.

"The bruising is deep on your face and there was a lot of stress placed on your shoulder muscles. I did a quick fix of the worst but you'll have to come in for a bit later if you won't come now." I don't know how I thought those hands were soft. She grips my right hand and hauls me up to my feet, holding me steady until the world stops spinning. "Take it easy and watch that head. If you start to feel nauseous or faint, have someone bring you in immediately."

"Yes ma'am." She sighs and rolls her eyes when I grin at her. "I'll be fine. I've survived worse." Pain flashes in her eyes and I feel guilty, because I was only teasing and didn't mean to cause her any distress. "I need to get back. These two have tests to take. Thanks, 'Tetsu." An old nickname, one that she's hated as long as I've known her and called her by it.

Exasperation breathes out in a long sigh but she doesn't bother to lecture me about respect or proper behaviour while we're on duty. "Alright, you two, let's go." Easy does it, go slow, one step at a time. After the first few, it gets easier to keep my balance and we start to move quickly. "Sir?"

"Yes, Jin." I don't bother to slow down or look back. They won't dare bolt again.

"We're sorry."

I do stop now. "Are you? Then you shouldn't have done it. What ever possessed you to throw something at me while I had my back turned?" While I may not the first choice as Captain for some of the men, I didn't realize they wanted to hurt me. Though they did go and get a medical officer, so death was obviously not the goal.

Nervous fidgeting and I can hear the shuffle of cloth as they slide closer, hiding behind each other. "We thought you would deflect it. You did everything else today." Jin's voice is shaking and Sakurada finally speaks up.

"We just wanted to scare you a bit. We didn't mean to actually hit you." They sound so scared and it reminds me of myself, cowering before my superior officer.

I glance over my shoulder and watch them curl their hands together, obvious despite trying to hide behind the folds of their hakamas. So young, just a bit stupid, and I sigh and shake my head. "Come. I'll think about it and you'll be assigned your punishment after your tests." What am I supposed to do anyway? They didn't mean to hurt me but they did, and that is what matters. Still, I don't want them to be scared of me.

When we appear at the gate, Tetsummi comes running to fuss over my face and yell at my young charges. "Alright, Tetsummi, I'm fine. Take these two for testing, please, then they can wait for me in the meditation room." I turn my gaze to the two cringing behind me. "Remain there until I come for you."

Maybe missing a meal will give them time to think about it. Though how much of a punishment to spend time together will be, I'm not sure. There's a commotion behind me and I turn to see Ikkaku and Yumichika wandering in, pushing and laughing.

"Captain." His laughter freezes then drops like a ton of rocks. His dark haired friend just snickers and saunters by, waving a thin hand triumphantly. Well, he may have won this round, but I will win more. After all, Ikkaku comes home to my bed at night, not his. "I'm so very glad that you found time to come for our appointment." My nose inches up until I'm glaring straight down the narrow length at him.

"Hey, Kira! You, ah, should have come with!" I resist the urge to laugh; he's trying to cover up with overbearing good cheer. "Bit late, but we're here now, so it's all good." His head is nodding so quickly, he looks like one of those bobble dolls Gin brought back from one of his trips.

"Yes, a bit late. Shall we?" Hmph, I can't believe he thought I would let it go just like that. It'll be touch and go as to whether he can even pass this. He's gotten much better lately, but the Captain's test is a lot different from the third seat test; he didn't even come early so we could practice a bit.

Jin and Sakurada are just coming out as we pass and I ignore them completely. Ikkaku watches me from the corner of his eye but follows my lead and passes by without acknowledging them. I'm a bit surprised he hasn't commented on my face but I suddenly realize he's on my right and probably can't see it. He most likely didn't notice when we first met because he was too busy trying to get out of trouble and hasn't really looked at me yet.

I wish I could go with him but I don't think the examiners trust me not to help. Which is probably just as well, because I would be terribly tempted. I lean on the door and listen to the rumble of deep voices with the piping of the lone woman balancing it all out. "Fuck." The door slams open and shut, bouncing once before coming to a rest with a shudder. Oh dear. "Fuck, fuck, fuck! Stupid fucking test, who the hell can do that shit?"

Ooohhh dear. "Ikkaku, what did you miss?" I can tell what happened but maybe, if he can do it before the end of the day… We need him as Captain, there's no one else.

"Fucking targets, halfway across fucking Seireitei, how hell am I supposed to even see that crap?" He missed the targets.

He missed the… "You missed? How could you miss? They're right there! Big, fat, stationary targets!" I have just about had it with him today and it's not even supper yet. I'm tired, I hurt everywhere, I'm hungry because _someone_ had to supervise when a certain Captain didn't show up and I didn't get anything to eat this morning, this is the day from hell and he can't even hit a few damn targets for me. "You look, point, say your three words, oh, forgive me, _eight _and fire." The crack about him needing the entire chant may not be fair but this is ridiculous. He's staring at me as if I've never lost my temper before. "Four steps, Ikkaku, four little steps, and you couldn't even show up on time to practice them."

"Hey, fuck you, I said I was sorry." I gape at him in shock; he never says "fuck you" to me.

My mouth works and I stare, listening to the whispers and giggles around us. "You miserable bastard, you most certainly did not apologize for being Three. Hours. Late." I'm exhausted, my head is pounding, not to mention my ass and back are sore because he was rough with me earlier, I still have punishments to hand out and testing to complete, and he stands there with his hands on his hips and expects me to bow down. "You know what? Fuck you, Ikkaku."

I turn and start to stomp away, letting my rage part our audience before me. All eyes are lowered, no hint of laughter present anymore. My exit is halted by a large hand grabbing the back of my shirt and hauling me backwards to dangle; I snarl into the upturned face. "I ought to beat some manners into you, you damn brat." My shirt pulls out of my belt, dropping me to hang from his hand by a few inches of cloth.

I don't know what his problem is but I am the injured party here. "I dare you, you stubborn, inconsiderate prick." I'm so angry right now I just might be able to beat him. He'll pull his shots but I don't have to. My foot lands a solid hit to his stomach and I use it as a push off to drive my knee towards his chin. I miss but manage to clip the side of his head and twirl in his hand from the momentum.

I have enough power to draw one leg up and strike at his shoulder before he throws me away to roll over the ground. Dust is barely starting to settle before he's on me, heavy fists swinging and I shoot blue flames at him to keep out of range. If he actually hits me, I'm done, no matter how much power he keeps back. He's swearing away, cursing me so creatively I can barely understand half of it.

My left hand keeps the flame shield in place as I start the motions of a complex kidou technique with my right. One I haven't perfected yet but it's ideal for this situation; an opponent with plenty of reitsu but not enough knowledge to recognize what I'm doing until I can hit him with it. A rare combination, really, but convenient none the less.

I can feel him circling, testing my boundaries, looking for an opening. For an instant I drop the fire and finish the final movements as he darts in, thinking there's a moment of weakness. "Ha!" I speak the final words in my mind, afraid to utter them aloud within earshot of inexperienced fighters.

For a second, I think it hasn't worked, that he really is going to slam that fist into my nose. Then, he stops, a look of shock on his face as he crumples to the ground in a boneless heap. Small fires spring into being encircling us, feeding directly off his energy. I wait for them to stop, to go out but they only get stronger and I feel the pull on my own reserves. Uh oh.

Why isn't it stopping? It should drive the victim to unconsciousness then fade, not start to draw from others. It isn't bothering anyone else, they're all standing and watching, completely unaffected. So that means it's draining me because I'm attached to Ikkaku. And if it's pulling at me, does that mean Ikkaku's energy is too low to feed it anymore? I start the reversal spell, dimly aware of the surprised cries around us as I fall to my knees. Finally, it's complete and the bright fires blink out, leaving me panting on the ground and Ikkaku breathing shallowly in front of me.

"Ikkaku?" Please let him be okay. "Ikkaku? Come on, say something." A shaky crawl and I lean on his side, shaking his shoulder gently.

A quiet huff and dainty sandals prod my lover over to his back. "He won't answer." I forgot that jerk was here. "Though I must say, that was an impressive bit of losing control. Definitely one of your finer moments." I'm too tired to do anything other than growl at that fussy bastard. Let him mock me, I just want to go home.

"Sir." Tetsummi kneels beside me, hands prying me off of my lover. "Come on sir, you need to rest. Lieutenant Isane will put us all under house-arrest if she finds out you were fighting." He's the best, completely ignoring Yumichika. "Are you hurt anywhere?"

"Huh, if that bruise is all he's got, I'd say no." Oh fuck off. "Don't be such a baby, I thought you were some kind of kidou master?" This is great, just wonderful.

I'm so out of patience for the day. Leaning heavily on Tetsummi, I drag myself up to my feet. "Yumichika, come here. Got something to say." He just arches a brow and tips his nose up. "Hey, I can yell out about how your hair is kinda mussed on the" He moves so quickly, I'd have fallen on my ass if my Third weren't holding me up. "Closer."

He leans right in, hands fussing with his perfectly shining hair as I whisper in his ear. "Fuck you." It's a clumsy, awkward shot but my fist sinks nicely into his stomach and the 'oomph' is a very pleasant sound. I may have to live with him but I don't have to listen to his crap.

Congratulations to me. I think I just signed my own death warrant. But it was worth it. Totally. Every second of agony and punishment will the gentled by the look of shocked pain on that arrogant asshole's face. "Tetsummi, take me home. Hadarame, finish the testing and bring me the results tomorrow morning. Please make sure Ikkaku makes it to the Fourth." A bright salute and my perfect subordinates move to obey, no questions asked. I love them so much.

A few steps are all I manage before I'm swung up into thick arms and relax, my head pillowed on a broad shoulder. "Thank you, Tetsummi."

For once he doesn't argue. "You're welcome. Watch your back, he's sneaky and vicious."

"I know." And I do; he's the second most vicious person I've ever met, and there is nothing to hold him back. Ikkaku, I suppose, but he's out of commission for a while and probably wont' be on my side anyways. "I'll survive." Just like I did before, through sheer stubbornness. More immediately, I need a bath and something to eat then to get some sleep.

"Kira!" I look towards the barracks and see Renji come running out the door, sword bouncing at his side as he nearly barrels into us. "Shit, what the fuck did that bastard do to you?"

His fingers wrap around my chin, forcing my face to the side so he can examine the dark bruise. I flinch a bit when he leans on my sore shoulder and he starts cursing again. "That fucking prick, I'll kill him!"

"What? Who?" My mind is moving slowly, the adrenaline burst fading and leaving me woozy.

"Ikkaku, that asshole! Don't worry, Kira, I'm not gonna let him treat you like this. He doesn't even deserve you to think about looking at him, never mind let him beat on you." I frown in confusion and Renji brushes my bangs back and grins at me. "I'll kick his ass good, then send him crawling home." He pauses and blushes. "If you still want him, of course. Otherwise I'll ditch him somewhere and let him find his own place."

"Renji." My voice fades when I can't think of anything else to say. I appreciate that he's looking out for me but surely he doesn't believe Ikkaku would actually hit me. "It's fine, he didn't do anything."

"Didn't do anything? Look at you!" He's flailing around in that wild way he does when he can't think of what to do with his hands.

I sigh and Tetsummi sets me on my feet, reading my mind perfectly. "Renji, it was an accident. I"

My shoulders are yanked out of Tetsummi protective hold and I'm shaken like a rag doll. "You didn't do anything wrong! There is nothing you could have possibly done to excuse him hitting you." I'm released so quickly I stumble backwards, dizzy and disoriented. "You should go to bed. I'll send someone over while I'm at the Fourth, ok?"

Before I can say anything, he's gone, racing off to avenge an imagined slight. "Tetsummi, go after him!"

"No, sir, I can't do that." I glare as he scoops me into his arms, smirking happily to himself. "You need to get cleaned up and go to bed. Ayasegawa will keep Lieutenant Abarai from doing any permanent harm." Struggling doesn't do any good and I flop over his shoulder with a huff. "Don't be stubborn. The sooner you're settled, the sooner I can go after him."

Pouting does as much good as struggling. A quick bath where I'm humiliated to find I can only reach half of my body with one arm and I'm buttoned neatly into a fresh shirt. There is still no one for the Fourth division and I sit down with a book to wait. Hadarame accompanies Tetsummi when he leaves, abandoning me to curious stares and tentative attempts at conversation.

While I don't want to discourage them from being friendly with me, I'm not really in the mood to chat and eventually send the men away to play games amongst themselves. Watching them from the corner of my eye, I smile. Ikkaku's influence is strong in the gambling dice and poker games starting, and the sake being passed around. I am pleased that no one seems to be drinking too much, just enough to relax.

"Lieutenant?" A quiet voice makes me sit up abruptly and flinch from the sharp pain in my shoulder. "Lieutenant Kira, are you awake?" I am now.

"Yes?" I can't believe I just fell asleep in the middle of the common room. How embarrassing. The young woman behind the blond speaking to me smiles quietly in understanding.

"Hello, I'm Asema, tenth seat of the Fourth Division. Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Kira." She bows properly and I flush, wishing I were on my feet. "Please don't get up. This will take a while and you should be as comfortable as possible."

"Then we should go to my room I think." She blushes and I follow. That sounded like I was hitting on her. Izuru, you moron! "If that's all right with you?" A shy nod and I shove myself to my feet, only needing the strong lift under my good arm a little.

At least the old familiar room is tidy and I curl myself on the bed, leaving my arm on her side. "Ready?" I nod and grit my teeth, knowing from long experience that healing bruises hurts more than just letting it heal on its own. And it does, a steady ache all the way to my toes.

I can feel her weakening but she keeps at it until the pain fades and I can move my arm again. She tries to do my face and chest but I refuse gently. She's already hit her maximum for the day and the strain is showing on her face. "Why don't you go out and have something to eat? I'm sure there is still some supper left."

"Oh, no, sir. Please let me at least bring the swelling down on your cheek." She fusses and waves her hands around, the perfect picture of a nervous bird.

I motion her away and sit up. Now that I can move my arm freely again, I feel much better and can't really feel my cheek anymore. "It's fine. Go on now. I'm going to get ready for bed and go to sleep. Please send Hadarame to me." She bows her way out, which is unnecessary but I leave it alone. It's not worth the effort.

Hadarame sticks his nose around the corner. "Sir?"

"Did Ikkaku get to the Fourth alright?" A redundant question, because my Fourth seat wouldn't be here if he hadn't.

"Of course, sir. He was still unconscious but stable. Lieutenant Isane told me that he would be fine with a night of rest." He sidles around the door and leans casually on the wall. "Lieutenant Abarai put on quite a show. Screaming something about not being worthy. Took Ayasegawa, Iemura, and five of the Fourth to get him to stop."

My face flushes red and I look away. "And has he calmed down?"

The brunet nods, still grinning, and tips his head back. "He's waiting outside. Wanted to know if you'd gone to sleep yet?"

Should I lie? Hadarame would just pass the message along and send him on his way. But no, that would be cruel, especially when he caused such a fuss for my sake. "I'll see him." A quiet smile and he slips away only to open the door a moment later and let my red-headed friend in. "Hi."

"Hey. So, ah, you gonna be ok?" His face is red and has a few bruises on the cheeks, already turning a dark purple. "Guess you heard, huh?"

He looks so embarrassed, his eyes fixed on the foot of the bed. "Yes, I did." His eye twitches. "Thank you, Renji." He's so startled he looks directly at me and cringes when he sees my face. "It's not as bad as it looks. It was an accident." Oh dear… I forgot about the boys. "I have to get up and punish the boys."

He leaps on me, forcing my shoulders to the bed. "No! No, I'll do it. Just leave it to me!" So eager to help. I relax and let him crawl off the bed. "Let me handle those two, they'll never even consider being brats again!" I'm sure they won't, but it might be a bit much.

"They are very young, Renji. Don't be too cruel to them, alright?" That grin is a bit unsettling but better than leaving them locked in the meditation room all night or trying to get up myself. Because I'm crashing quite badly and even just talking is wearing on me. "Thank you, I appreciate your help." In more ways than one.

He grins awkwardly and shifts his weight. "So, uh, you gonna go see him?" I smile at him and nod slowly. Of course I will, once I'm going again. "Good, good. Uh, you guys, ah, go together pretty good." His face is burning up and I smother a giggle behind one hand. "What?"

Ha ha, even his ears are blushing and his bangs are sticking out the way they do when he's getting himself worked up. "Thank you Renji, I'm glad you think so."

A brief mutter of "I'm just saying" and he backs out, closing the door quietly and waving shyly. He's such a good person. He will definitely get his ass kicked for thinking Ikkaku is abusing me, but he's a good person. I'll try to get to my lover before he's fully conscious. I fluff the pillow and snuggle into the blanket.

The old Captain's room is too big for me, the bed eclipsing me, but I wasn't paying attention and just turned here as usual. For a second, I consider calling for Tetsummi to move me but that would be too embarrassing so I just wriggle slowly out of my over clothes and lie down. It's quiet now, not very late so Hadarame and Tetsummi are probably out there keeping the noise down.

Time passes slowly, seconds ticking by as hours. Maybe I should call Tetsummi. I catch a glimpse of the moon from the window and turn my head to look. Maybe I should open the window, get some fresh air. The room smells a little like Gin and it's unsettling. Too long since I've spent the night at the Third's quarters. I wonder if that is why it has been so difficult to be accepted as a candidate for Captain.

Many of the younger men have barely seen me or only as the Captain's toy. Perhaps a few days spent here would be a good thing. I shift to the edge of the bed and sit up slowly. I hope I can do this, having to yell for help from the floor would be too much.

Easy, easy, slow steps, keep your hand on the wall and step lightly. Finally, I make it to the window and flip the lock. Warm air washes over me and I relax. This is exactly what I needed. The chair near the desk is just within range and I tug it over to sit, leaning my head on my arms against the sill.

A silly grin at myself; I used to sit and wait for Ikkaku like this, watching from the window like a princess for him to come visit me in my locked room. How embarrassing but he never seemed to care, always waving as he jogged over, quietly greeting me. Loud as he always was, still is, he was always quiet with me, keeping an eye out for Gin and making sure not to call attention to himself.

He always treated me the same, no matter what, and that was the most precious gift I could have ever received. I'll go see him tomorrow, apologize, maybe even do the same for Yumichika, and hopefully all will be forgiven.

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Well, it didn't go exactly as planned but it leaves me more room for the next chapter. Thanks for reading and I hope you had a good time.


	7. Chapter 7

Kira

Ow, ow, ow. Talk about stiff! Sleeping in chairs is not recommended, especially after you've suffered an injury. Tetsummi is banging on the door, wanting to know if I'm coming for breakfast or if they should eat without me. "Yes, yes, I'm coming!" Ugh, the noise is making my head pound worse than anything else in my body.

I might have to make a quick stop to visit Isane before dropping in to see Ikkaku. I wince as I check my hair in the mirror. And have her do something about that bruise. It's grown overnight to cover most of the left side of my face. No swelling because my wonderful friend Isane worked her magic on it yesterday but if it looked half this bad, I'm not surprised Renji had a fit.

Well, save that for later. First, I need to get through breakfast and morning exercises. The men are lined up neatly to eat, waiting for me as I hurry in and sit between Tetsummi and Hadarame. My presence signals the beginning of the meal and the men start to eat, chatting quietly among themselves. "Sir." Tetsummi's low voice calls my attention to him and my mouth gapes open when I see the pile of food he obviously expects me to eat. "Captain Madarame should be waking up this afternoon. What would you like us to do while you're away?"

I love how he assumes, correctly of course, that I will be visiting the Fourth hospital for most of the day. "Make sure anyone who has to retake their tests will be able to pass, please." I take a little nibble of egg and chew slowly; maybe if I stall long enough, he'll go away and I won't have to eat it. I'm a bit hungry but I'll never finish that plateful. "Otherwise, why don't we take the day and organize a training outing? It would be good to take some of the younger men outside the city."

Casual conversation until I've eaten enough for Tetsummi to be satisfied and he finally releases me. I sigh in relief and Hadarame snickers beside me. "Hush." He grins at me and leans in close.

"He's been walking the razor's edge since you came back yesterday." I know that, I know he's upset and thinks it was his fault. That he should have noticed the boys wandering off or gone after them himself. That I wouldn't have been hurt. My fourth seat pats my shoulder and uses me as a prop to get to his feet. "He'll be fine." Meaning, let him fuss a bit and he'll forgive himself.

I swat at him, laughing as he cowers back from me. As if he would ever be afraid of little me. But it breaks the near silence of the meal, muffled giggles easing from the edges of the room. More and more of the men are glancing at me and I smile at them. A few even smile back.

This was a good idea; a few days here will definitely be good for morale. Not to mention it will give me some time to work it out with Ikkaku. But for now, morning exercises and I'll release them for a day off. They worked hard yesterday and deserve a break. I shift to my feet, biting back a little groan as stiff muscles stretch and pull.

Hadarame leans in to speak, casually lending a boost with one hand under my elbow. "Are you really fine, Kira?" I just smile a little and pat his hand, removing it gently.

"Call the men. Will you call drills this morning, please?" A brief nod and he strides off, yelling names as team leaders fall into step behind him. I should look into finding him a vice-captain position soon; he's turning into a strong leader. While I'm sure he would prefer to stay with me, he'll never be higher than third seat in any division I lead and he should have the chance to test his limits more.

Maybe I'll speak with Ikkaku about taking him on. The Fifth is being run disturbingly like the Eleventh with strong third and fourth seats covering the lieutenant position and a voice of reason might not be remiss. At least to keep part of the team sober at any given time. Not that I can criticize Ikkaku's leadership or the way he runs his division, in fact it seems fairly stable and is building itself up to be a strong fighting unit. And Kenpachi's division was one of the few that went almost completely unaffected by the defection of three Captains, so there is much to be said for that.

However, having three quarters of a division still drunk by dawn is a bit much and something I would never allow in my quarters. We've had a few arguments over it already, not to mention my lover's men picking fights with mine. Like what is happening right now.

Yelling from the courtyard brings me to the door and I stare at the chaos going on. Hadarame is yelling toe to toe with the third seat from the Fifth division while his exercise leaders try to pull him back. About a dozen officers from the other division are taunting my younger men, pushing them and generally mocking as they keep backing off. "What is going on here?"

"Hey, hey, look! It's our favourite weakling. Heard you're no longer under the Captain's protection." Poor Hadarame, his face is red and his arms bulge, yanking his restrainers forward. "Gonna hide behind your fourth seat now?"

"Go back to your division." I will not rise to his taunts nor will I fight with a drunk. "You were not invited nor are you welcome. Go home." Slow steps bring me down the stairs and I move up behind Hadarame, sliding my hand over his lower back.

He goes quiet at the contact and I brush each hand as I pass so they will let him go, each restraint vanishing at my touch. His arms tremble beside me but I ignore him, knowing he will stand quietly until I require his assistance. Which I certainly won't, not to deal with this. "I don't have to listen to you." He sounds like a spoiled little boy but the heavily alcoholic breath in my face is anything but childish. "You can't make me go and that makes me a better leader than you could be."

And this is why leading by strength alone is not enough. "Return to your division. You will be dealt with later, when you are sober again." His hand presses to my chest, almost spanning it from shoulder to shoulder. I just stare up at him; remain calm. If I get even a little upset, Hadarame will lose it.

Slight pressure on my chest is almost enough to push me back but I stand firm. "What're you gonna do, tell on me to the Captain? He won't care. Beating up wusses makes them stronger. I'm doing him a favour." Another little push does make me take a step back and he laughs, shoving hard to make me fall backwards.

A blond catches me and keeps me on my feet, Akai I think his name is. He pushes me up again and I touch his hand briefly in thanks. Hadarame's roar of fury drowns out my quiet 'thank you' and I reach quickly to catch him. My fingers catch in his sleeve as his fist flies forward, catching the drunk third seat in the stomach. "Hadarame, stop!"

But it's too late. As soon as the fight turned physical, I'd lost the scrap of control I had over both divisions' men. Battle cries sound around me as my team races forward to throw themselves on the intruders, who scream and attack whole-heartedly. I'm surrounded by the clash of swords and yells of the furious and the injured. My head aches but I have to stop them, we can not be fighting amongst ourselves.

I wade in between Hadarame and his opponent, ducking fists and digging my elbows into hard stomachs. "Enough!" A bit of power to separate them until they can't reach each other and they snarl over my head at each other. I whisper a binding spell quickly before yelling. "Stop!" My voice rises over the compound, echoing over the fighting and it slows gradually. Finally, they stop and my team backs away, swords still out and ready to continue.

Ready to defend me and my honour. Appreciated but not really necessary.

I release Hadarame and glare him back towards our division barracks. "Take your men and leave." I just want them gone for the moment. Now is not the time to deal with this but it will be dealt with.

"You fucking pansy, you'll never be Captain." Spittle flies through the air and hits the front of my uniform. I glance at it in disgust; where they got these manners I have no idea. Before I can answer, a small form goes whipping by me, followed by another just as small.

They hit the heavy body and nearly bounce off before their combined momentum force it to the ground. "You bastard! You can't say that about our Captain!" Renji's on them in an instant and drags them off to dangle from his fists.

"What the hell? You damn brats." He grins at me. "What's up?" Jin and Sakurada kick a bit but settle when they're shaken firmly.

This just keeps getting worse and worse. "These gentlemen were just leaving. Would you care to stay for morning workout?"

"Hiding behind your friends, huh? Coward!" I would think this idiot would have figured out that he should just keep his mouth shut. My head shakes as Renji's face goes white then red in fury.

This might turn into a blood bath yet. "Renji, it's fine. They're going home now."

"No, no, I want to hear what he has to say." My redheaded friend grins, a baring of teeth and I rub my eyes. We're doomed. "It sounds so interesting. What comes after coward?" He sets his bundles of quiet shinigami down and nudges them towards the barracks before stalking his prey slowly.

_Now_ it occurs to Ikkaku's moron that he's in trouble. Dark eyes stare up at Renji as he circles. "Renji, please." My friend glances at me then back. Please, please, just let it go. He bends to lift the heavy body with one arm.

Or not. "Renji, enough!" I feel Wabisuke settle into position on my shoulders, arms wrapped around my head with her thin fingers tangling in my bangs. Not a battle position but she's here for the show. May as well give her one. Reitsu dances over my skin and I can see the goose bumps on Renji's as well. He shudders and stares at me; I can feel power start to grow and swell in the compound.

Renji

Holy shit. Kira's glowing. Really, truly fucking glowing! He's pissed, yeah, but I didn't realize he'd grown this much. Power claws over my stomach and swirls in my head, making me dizzy in a good, good way.

I mean, yeah, he applied for the Captain's seat but as far as I know, no one has seen his Bankai. Sweet, I might be the first! The faint outline of a girl is visible on his shoulders, the tinkle of her laughter a teasing breeze in the still yard. Visible power rises from the ground in lazy vapours twisting and turning in slow shapes that seem to magically corral the men from the Fifth into a little group. They shiver as if cold and shuffle closer together.

My captive is released and falls to the ground with a thud. He doesn't move, just stays down like a mouse hoping the hawk doesn't see it. Brilliant blue turns to me and I take a breath. Who knew skinny Kira Izuru could be so beautiful? Not sexy beautiful but beautiful like a painting with his glowing eyes and shining skin. Power rushes me and I feel it dart through my body. My eyes roll back and I hold back a groan with effort.

Feels so good. The kind of power I've been searching for all my life is right there, as if I could reach out and press it to my chest. "Enough." Even his voice vibrates with power and I open my eyes to watch him. He smiles that irresistible smile, quiet and steady and terrifying in its own way. I want him, to lick that power from his skin and drink it from his soul and it makes my head spin. I desire him more than anything or anyone in my entire life and I'm not even a bit hard. "Return to your division. Remain until you are called."

I almost turn to obey, the low command compelling me forward and home. Zabimaru snaps at me and I shake my head at his snarl. No, the command is not for me. Izuru can't command me though Zabimaru is ready to fight it out to see for sure. Not for the best that he's recognized Kira and Wabisuke as worthy opponents. Now it'll be harder to just be around them until we fight and see who really is the strongest.

The men from the Fifth jerk and cower under the heady voice. I could get drunk off that voice. Silence from the Third's ranks and I look over at them. The fourth seat, Haddame or something like that, has them settled in behind him, all at straight attention. He's a bit bruised and looks like the main fighter. I smirk; yeah, someone's in deep shit and it ain't me.

"Renji?" Reitsu is dropping quickly as the Fifth's problem children flee for safety. Kira looks pale, scary pale in fact. Maybe he isn't as well as he pretended last night. "Will you make sure they go home and that someone sober is in charge, please?"

I scramble forward to put an arm around his waist and ease him to the ground first. "Sure, no problem. You need to get some rest there buddy. No showing off if you can't stand after." He gives me a weak little snarl and I ruffle his bangs. "Sad, rich boy, sad." There, he laughs at that. He'll be fine. "Headed to the Fourth?"

"In a bit. If we ever get through morning drills."

"Lazy, lazy. I've had your boys up for hours!" I grin down at him. Anyone who's fool enough to think Kira's lazy deserves the shock he gets. He's been carrying his division for years, picking them up and dusting them off every time they trip and defending his right to have them. Everyone thought he was weak when he followed but I've seen him picking up the pieces after Gin whirled through, leaving destruction like a miniature hurricane. Even before Ichimaru ran off, Izuru was essentially running the division and doing all the paperwork.

I'm lucky enough to have Shuhei, even if he is an arrogant prick. And moping around since fighting with Yumichika. I wish those two would get organized and either get back together or break up. But Kira's actually living with Yumi and I don't think I'm quite brave enough to ask how that's going. With those tempers in the same house, I almost pity Ikkaku. Almost. Dumb asshole gets what he deserves, after all.

My friend just laughs and waves me off so his fourth seat can fuss. Now comes the fun part of my day, though starting it off by smacking those brats around was pretty great. I trot towards the Fifth, keeping an eye out for stragglers or anyone who thought they would just slip away. Nope, they all went straight home like properly terrified subordinates.

Excellent. "Hey!" I kick the door before anyone can answer it. "I want the highest ranking officer who is sober out here!" People are stopping to stare and good. Let the division be humiliated and maybe they'll shape up a little.

A skinny kid peeks around the door. Brat can't be more than a few decades old. "Y, yes, sir. Can I help you?"

"What the hell is your rank?" If this is the best they've got for an officer, we're in serious trouble.

"I'm fourteenth, sir. Ootake Kasumi, sir." Friggin' girl's name too. "I'm sorry, sir. The others were out all night, because we don't have drills or a mission today. We were waiting for the Captain to return." He looks pretty embarrassed with the behaviour of his team. "I'll keep them here, sir. I'm terribly sorry for the bother."

Well, he seems sincere. And Kira only wanted me to make sure they made it home. "Sure, you do that." And I'll just send one of my own men around to watch and make sure.

Yumichika

That little bastard. I want to kick his ass so badly but all I can do is wait here with Ikkaku. His breathing is steady, quiet and even as he lays there. So pale and still. My hands wouldn't stop shaking for hours after we arrived and I almost embarrassed myself by crying before the medic team got him stabilized.

Thank goodness Renji showed up when he did, I needed something to distract me and using him as a punching bag worked wonders. Though we will be having a discussion about respecting his superiors. Coming in here, screaming about hitting the princess. What a massive pain.

A knock on the door almost goes unnoticed. "What?"

"Hey." No. "Can I come in?" Not now. He takes my silence as consent and slides the door open quietly. "How is he?"

I hide my hands under Ikkaku's blanket and focus my eyes on his chest. "He's fine." Must not let him see me shake or falter. "A few days rest and he'll up and going again."

Hisagi shifts his weight around and I can hear him fiddling with his sash. The way he always does when he's nervous. I swallow a sob. The way he did when he first asked me to go for supper with him. His breathing is soft and steady as he stands and shifts from foot to foot. "Look, Yumi, I"

"I don't have time for you now. Please leave." Stay. Stay, make me listen to you, please! Make even a token effort so I can fall into your arms and beg forgiveness.

Silence then he sighs and I can almost hear his hair shaking at my attitude. "Whatever you say. I'm going to check on Kira. Send word around when Ikkaku wakes up, I want to talk to him." The door closes and my chest clenches at the final click.

He left. He left me here, alone. He didn't love me enough to fight. I sniff miserably to myself and make fists in the blanket. No crying, I'm not going to cry. Just because…just because it's…

I choke and cough, arms trembling with the effort not to wipe at my eyes. Just because it's finally…it's finally over. A ragged gasp and I bend forward over the pain ripping through my stomach. Over, it's over. No more quiet suppers or arguing over meaningless games of chess, no more drinking until we can't stand and staying out all night to wander home at dawn, no more snuggling on the porch and watching the rain while we read, no more hours of sex and rolling in tight cocoons of blankets on cold nights. Tears soak through the thin blanket to cover my hands.

It's over. How can it possibly be over? What the hell kind of fool was I to believe in being happy? My head drops to press against Ikka's hip, muffling my sobs against his still form. And he's not even here to hold me. Gradually, the tears stop and I lay panting on the edge of the bed. Shuffling from outside whispers against my ears, the hush of a hospital in motion.

"Hey, you baby. Cut that shit out." His voice is low and hoarse but my head snaps up to hear it.

"Ikka!" His eyes are still closed but a big hand closes over my fist and squeezes gently. "Ikkaku!"

"Yeah, yeah." His eyes crack open in thin slits. "Got anything to drink?" Drink, drink… There's a water pitcher by the bed but we definitely need something better. There!

Ikkaku's bag is still hanging by the door and I dig through quickly to find the little bottle he carries around with him. Seconds later, he's sipping happily at the cup I hold to his lips. "I can't believe you let Kira of all people put you on your ass. That was sad." I'm so happy to see him moving and speaking again, a few more tears slip away from me. A little smile struggles at my mouth but he frowns anyways.

I suppose it wasn't very effective. "Whatcha doin' here an'ways?" He's quite upset with me. "D'ja see 'Zuru?"

My nose points at the ceiling and I fold my arms. "No, I certainly have not. I am here keeping watch that you behave yourself in a civilized manner for once. I took valuable time out of my busy day to sit here and all you can do is criticise!" Falling back into old roles of taunting and false offence is easier than explaining why I was sitting and crying.

He takes his time, rolling my words and posture around in his head and sorting out his words. Thankfully the accent vanishes when he speaks next. "Well? Obviously I'm alive so what were you crying over?" He's ignoring the Kira issue for the moment though I'm certain we'll be back to that soon enough.

"Nothing terribly important. Shu, Hisagi stopped by to see you. Oh, and Renji was in last night making some kind of noise about beating Kira! Of all the ridiculous things, he was screaming and making quite an awful display of himself. We'll have to play with him a little bit later, remind him of whom his superiors are. And"

I'm cut off by a big hand wrapping around my wrist and pulling me down to the bed. A soft squeak before I'm snuggled under a heavy arm and Ikka's low voice is whispering against my hair. "It's ok, it'll be ok." I shudder under his hand and shift a bit closer, letting him comfort me.

He always knows exactly the thing to do that will help the most, even if it seems clumsy sometimes. His love wraps around me and I breathe deeply, taking in his scent and warmth. Even dressed in hospital whites and confined to a bed, he smells of the brilliant sun and dusty outdoors, grass and the evening sky after a hard rain. I find myself whimpering into his side, clutching at his hands while he keeps mumbling to my hair.

"It's really over, you know?" He nods once and I feel more than hear the sigh. "Really, really." Another nod and I rest my cheek on my best friend's chest. "He didn't love me, did he?"

"Of course he did." Ghost gentle fingers slide over my cheek and I close my eyes. "He adored you but he isn't strong like us, Yume. He won't fight like we will." My fingers stretch out over his stomach and I play with the ripple of muscle as he flexes for my amusement. I suppose he's right; Hisagi was never one for fighting. He always just slid through life, working hard but never with a particular goal in mind.

Even our relationship; if I hadn't been bored that evening, he wouldn't have asked again. He would never have insisted I go out with him, never have made a fuss. If Ikkaku hadn't given him a nudge, he probably wouldn't have even asked. That's a depressing thought, that we only had each other because my friend felt guilty leaving me alone all the time. "You need to find someone who'll let you run free, Yume." Unspoken is: And drag you back when you cross the line.

"And where would I find such a perfect being, hmm?" I lean up to stare into his eyes. "I certainly can't date myself and last I checked you were taken." The only man I've ever met who can bend and stand firm at the same time and we'd kill each other in a heartbeat. We nearly did all those centuries ago.

He grins at me, pleasure at the compliment and happiness that I'm not flat with grief beaming from his eyes. His fingers dig into my hair, scratching just behind my ear before he pulls me up to touch our noses together. "You'll find someone. One of your pretty boys will have a backbone, I swear."

I try not to snort right in his face but I do laugh, unable to resist. "But those aren't the fun ones!" Deep laughter back at me and I relax a little more to speak against his lips. "I know."

His mouth is pliant under mine, lips slightly chapped. It's been a long time since we've kissed, usually settling for a pat or a brush of lips to a cheek. He still tastes the same, warm and a little bitter. A big hand rubs my back, settling me more comfortably against him. I mutter and shift around to get more comfortable, hospital beds are so awkward for two! and feel my friend stiffen suddenly.

I raise my head to see what's wrong and follow his gaze to see Kira standing in the entrance, eyes wide and a small bundle of flowers on its way to the floor.

Oops.

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I know. Yes, I really, really do. My excuse is that I work two jobs now and by the time I get home, I'm nearly flat. However, I'm plodding away so I hope I can pick it up a little. If you haven't been following the Bleach manga, DO IT! Especially if you're a fan of Kira. Please review, even if you don't like it. I say that all the time and I really do want to hear your opinion because I can always improve. Thank you for reading and I hope it was worth the effort.


	8. Chapter 8

Okay, so I finally got around to uploading the chapter. The next isn't written, I'm fooling with it, but I hope you'll enjoy this one. Also, it was brought to my attetion that there is a severe lack of smut lately - yes, yes there is. I'll work on that too. But, until then, please enjoy and drop me a line if you have a second. Thank you. And if you sign in, I can respond! So don't forget that I like to talk to you more than anything and sign in if you can.

Kira

Kira

I didn't just see that. No, I couldn't have! Backtrack, back, back, things were fine an hour ago. I listened to Tetsummi go on about pushing myself, hauled my stiff body through warm ups and managed, barely, to finish a few sparring sessions. Had lunch, worked on some stray paperwork and headed over here. After Kotetsu nagged me some more and put me through some kind of horrific torture she called 'healing,' I escaped and made my way to the door now under my hand. I can hear the shuffle of cloth from behind thin wood and feel the bubble of panic in my throat.

No, not yet, just wait, "Wait." Silence and the pad of feet away from the door. My head moves slowly forward to rest against the back of my hand. Okay, relax Izuru. You're fine. I close my eyes and they snap open immediately. The image of the two curled up in bed is burned into my mind and even opened eyes won't make it go away.

Yumichika draped over Ikkaku's body, thin hands pressed to the broad chest, slender body twisting against my lover's. Ikkaku's hand pressed to the dark head to pull it closer while the other moves over the slim back. Their mouths touching, and moving slowly, the barest flick of tongue to wet their lips.

I feel sick.

It's not what it looked like. No, it can't be. It's not. I kneel beside the door and tuck my legs up against my chest, arms wrapped around them. A simple sight shield keeps anyone from stumbling over me. _Izuru?_ Small hands flutter over my hair and a slight weight moves my knees away from my chest as Wabisuke settles into the gap of my lap.

I drop my knees to let her sit in the cradle of my legs and hug her tightly. _Just a_ _minute. I…_ I don't know what I need; to sit quietly for a moment perhaps. Cry a little and sort it out. For once, she doesn't pick at me. Her voice vibrates through me as she hums against my chest, arms around my neck and head on my shoulder.

We sit through three songs before quiet steps stop beside us. "Should I send for someone?" Captain Unohana stands as calm as ever, looking down the hall as if she always stops to speak to thin air. Isane looks around briefly but says nothing.

I remain silent and still for a moment then shake my head. No, I have to see them. Calling Tetsummi to get me would be useless and would upset him more. Long hair bobs once in a nod of acknowledgment and her robes move off with quiet rustles. Soft lips touch my cheek and Wabisuke leans her nose against mine. _Izuru?_

Poor girl, she doesn't know what to do either. _I'm fine. Go ahead._ If I take her in with me it will look like I want a fight. And I don't. No one has done anything worth fighting over. A deep breath and I push the door open slowly.

The flowers are gone from the floor, stuffed in a water pitcher by the bed. At least they aren't in the way. Yumichika is sitting in the chair staring at the floor, hands folded in his lap. He stands immediately and opens his mouth but nothing comes out. I suppose he doesn't know what to say either. How odd. I would think his mouth would be going as quickly as always; surely this isn't the first time he's been caught in a compromising position. Ikkaku is sitting up, leaning on a little pile of pillows with his eyes fixed on the door. "Izuru!"

"Ikkaku. I see you're feeling better." I smile and walk forward slowly to brush my thumb over his jaw.

He grabs my hand and tries to drag me forward. "Look, 'Zuru, it wasn't what you think, we" I resist his efforts to force me into his lap and brush my fingers over his mouth, cutting off the babble.

"Of course." If I had any doubts, which I didn't, they would be erased by the near panic in his eyes. Ikkaku would never cheat on me. I know he and Yumichika have been together for a long time and I know they will always be close. "I love you." I lean in to kiss his nose and feel the sigh of relief. "But it will not happen again."

Whatever they had is past, I believe that, and they may be together in the future but the present is mine. Only a fool would stand between Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika but I've always been an idiot anyways. My eyes meet Yumichika's and we stare at each other; my chin rises when he refuses to look away. "Izuru, c'mon."

I narrow my eyes at the brunet to show I'm not backing down and turn my eyes to Ikkaku. He's staring up at me with a horrified look on his face. "Hm?"

"Babe, love, c'mon. It's Yume, you can't kick him out." More like I can't make you leave him, you inconsiderate ass. "It's nothing, we weren't doing anything. It didn't mean anything."

Rage wells from my stomach to my chest and swirls in my head; I could have let it go if he had ignored it. "Then why do you feel that you have to defend yourself?" Answer that why don't you? I didn't want to fight but I am so angry right now, with them both but mostly Ikkaku. He sits there, arms around my waist and tries to justify kissing someone else by saying it doesn't mean anything. "If it didn't mean anything, why were you doing it?" And that too, I'd love to hear it.

"You're being unreasonable." He's glaring at me but when I start to pull away, he clings, dragging me partially onto the bed.

Yumichika takes the chance to butt in as he examines his nails. "He does have a point." I arch a brow at the unexpected support and he grins that mocking smirk of his at me; I snarl back and he laughs. Ikkaku is pulling me closer and burying his nose in my stomach. I almost think he's trying to protect me.

"Yume, cut it out." His voice is a bit muffled but my partner manages to make it clear that I'm incapable of defending myself; maybe Yumichika and I should have had this out a long time ago. "You guys both cut it out." I slap my lover over the top of the head for getting that annoyed tone in his voice.

Who does he think he is? I am not a pet to be called off by a word. From the look on my brunet opponent's face, he feels about the same. "Shut up, Ikka." Yumichika's hair tosses and he plants his fists on his hips. "If he wants to play with me, you should let him." We glare at each other. "After all, I love educating children."

That's…a scary look. His eyes look like a layer of ice has dropped over them and his movements are slow and deliberate, no longer playful and light. Maybe I should have kept my big mouth shut. No, don't back down! If you give even a millimetre, he'll run for it. I set my feet more firmly and Ikkaku groans, arms tightening around me.

"Damn it. You two and your fucking tempers." We both look at him. "Fine, move it." His teeth grit and he eases to the side to roll his feet to the floor.

"Ikkaku, stop that! Lie down." Anger, jealousy, everything is forgotten in a flurry of worry. My hands flutter over his shoulders, too afraid of hurting him to actually push. "Please! You're supposed to rest."

There's a blur of dark hair by my face and a small hand shoves broad shoulders to the bed. "Yeah, get back down there." I frown and slap the offending hand away before rubbing at the hit spot on my lover's shoulder. "Hey!"

"Shoo. Ikkaku, you should have something to drink and go back to sleep anyways." My back turns to the slight form and I don't see the hand that smacks me in the back of the head. "What the hell is your problem?" I can't believe that jerk just hit me!

A long nail pokes me in the shoulder. "You little upstart, how dare you try to dismiss me? You're nothing but a childish brat." I slap his hand away and growl. "As if you could command me." Long hair tosses and the delicate looking hand gestures towards Ikkaku. "As if you could possibly claim him from me."

That fucking asshole! I grin at him suddenly, enjoying the unnerved look on his face for a second. "He's already mine."

Ikkaku

Why is this happening to me? All I wanted was to sleep a bit then go home and give Kira that spanking he so clearly needs. Instead, I'm stuck in the middle of some kind of warped triangle. I want Izuru, Izuru wants me, and Yumichika wants neither of us; but he's still there. The other half of my soul, my life partner.

Watching them bristle at each other makes my head hurt. All because of a little kiss. Maybe it wasn't okay for me to kiss Yume but it was never a problem before. They're pushing at me and arguing over who has the right to fuss. "As if you could possibly claim him from me."

"He's already mine." I can hear the smirk, the absolute confidence in Izuru's quiet voice. He doesn't even bother to yell.

Oh god, any god. Not again. Don't let this happen again.

Izuru pushes Yume's shoulder and even I can pick up on the energy rising from the fighting pair. Yume goes to push back and I sit up to grab his hand. "No more. Enough, both of you." I'll make it stick this time. I feel like I've fallen backwards almost two hundred years and am watching Yume fight with Kolai.

She was blond too and couldn't stand that Yume was allowed to crawl into my bed and lean over my shoulder whenever he pleased. She also started a possession war with him over me. I chose Yume and walked away that time but not this time. I won't choose either one of them and I'll force them into a truce no matter what.

Kira's watching me, pale eyes considering for a moment before he steps back, hands loose at his sides. I can't tell what he's thinking but he doesn't leave or yell. Yume's hand clenches in mine, digging his nails sharply into my skin; his rage teeters on the edge and I hold him back with only my touch.

It isn't only Izuru, or even him, but Shuhei. Yume feels lost without a lover, without someone he can adore and be worshipped by. He's been alone so long, he craves it desperately, regardless of the cold front he puts forward. I understand but I can't let him rip into my blond. Izuru is… so much more than a partner or a soul mate. He is the glue that binds me to this life, the tie that keeps both halves of my soul together.

The goal I've walked towards since I crawled to my feet centuries ago.

My best friend releases me with a defeated sigh and turns his back. "I'm going to get more water." I can't believe he just backed off. I don't have to talk him down more, fight him over this? Behind Izuru's back, a purple eye drops in a quick wink and the door closes quietly. My eyes fall closed and I let myself flop backwards to the bed. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"'Zuru, sweetheart, you can't fight Yume." I'm sure we've had this conversation before. "Please, love." Reduced to begging and I don't even care. If I can keep my darling safe, it'll be worth anything. Because I can't fight Yume, not even over Kira.

He stares at me then turns his back, arms wrapping around the still thin chest. "If you'll choose him, do so now." My stomach turns.

I reach out to run a finger over his spine and tug at his belt. "I won't choose either of you." It feels like I'm trapped between two storms, each shredding at me and yanking me in different directions. Not opposites, I could resist that, but different, enough to tear me apart and destroy us all. "How could I?"

His shoulders shiver but he leans into my touch. "You love him." A plain statement of fact, a fact we both know to be true. "But you love me." Another fact but not as strongly, as confidently stated.

"Yes." To both, to everything, to anything my Izuru has ever or will ever ask of me.

I wish I could tell him what he wants to hear but I promised not to lie mere days ago. "But I only love you." My heart aches at the pain in his voice.

Loving him, needing him, craving him like this, is the hardest thing I've ever endured but the most wonderful at the same time. "I know." And it's no easier for him. It's impossible for me to tell him, to put such things into words; I can only hope he realizes that he is everything.

Izuru

Arguing with Yumichika is a circular exercise in wasting time, a logical nightmare, but I can't seem to stop. Even if I bend to Ikkaku's desires and back off, the brunet picks at my senses, his presence snipping at my temper. My opponent has slipped away, leaving me to face my lover alone, listening to him tell me what I may and may not do. It itches, that he thinks me so weak as to need his protection; it aches that he believes me weaker than someone who hasn't even reached Bankai.

We trade meaningless words, old arguments that we can never finish. I wish he would lie, if only about this.

I want to cry so much. My fingers tremble against my arms as I lean against the strong hand on my back. He says he knows but he doesn't. He doesn't understand what it is to be second in someone's heart, to have your loved one hesitate before reaching out to you, torn between two desires. I want to lean back more, to allow him to comfort me. Maybe I should.

Bit by bit, I ease backwards and let Ikkaku settle me to his side. "I love you. So very much, it hurts if I think about it." His words are gentle, as soft as his hands. I shudder into his side and feel the thin blanket being drawn up over us both. More time, I need time to think and sort things out. But time seems so short these days, fleeting when I need it to crawl the most.

Saying nothing, I lay and breathe quietly into my lover's chest. Ikkaku loves me and he loves Yumichika but not the same. Time has passed and it will never be the same for them again. He says he won't choose. Perhaps he meant he can't choose. A soft murmur into tanned skin and he looks down, worry and an almost fear in his eyes. I examine the dark brown, so deep as to almost be black, and sigh to myself.

Of course he won't, can't choose. And it is unfair of me to ask that he do so. It still hurts that he adores and needs someone else as much as me but it isn't more. No, Ikkaku loves no one and nothing more than me. "I love you." The words make me feel helpless but his smile, his smile is the world.

We'll make it. We'll work hard, stand strong and fight and we'll make it.

But there will be no more kissing of anyone who is not me.

Yumichika

I always knew Ikka was a fool.

He is too greedy in our new life. Before we came here, following Kenpachi in a never-ending chase, he would never have tried to have both lover and partner. I never asked him to choose me over anyone nor demanded he leave them behind. Though, I have chased a few bitches off and certainly will not allow a property war without retaliating. And I will even admit to discouraging Kira a little, when he seemed more a liability than we could afford to have; this is no longer the case of course and I am glad they found each other, despite my interference.

However, Kira was right; I was wrong to kiss Ikka.

But I will not admit it to that bleached brat. My eyes narrow when I think of his sneakiness in attacking both Ikka and myself. He will be punished but going after his lover was too low, intended or not. Perhaps I will apologize, once he has been punished properly. I stride out of the Fourth and head for my own apartment. It has been too long since I was there; only a few days but it feels much longer.

Perhaps I should move back to the Eleventh. There is plenty of space and more than a few warm bodies that wouldn't mind visiting my room. Especially with the new recruits being due in a week, there will be plenty to do. Kenpachi won't mind, he will just yell for the third seat's room to be vacated by whoever has moved in temporarily. And Yachiru will be pleased to see me, I'm sure.

The tightness in my chest can most easily be ignored there, surrounded by my own people. People who understand strength of both body and soul and the demands it can make. Ikka lives so freely it has always been all I could do to follow closely enough to touch him; he doesn't understand what it is to truly be alone. He was always attached to nothing but fighting. And me, of course.

Perhaps it was that way for too long. For both of us.

I pack a little bag and make a note to stop by Ikka's later and get my other things. I'll have someone from the Fourth bring the rest later. The entrance is quiet for once and I slip in silently, stalking the sound of dishes from the back. Why is it so calm? Yachiru at least should be making some noise. A few men wander the halls and bow out of my way; they are oddly submissive.

This is a little creepy and I speed up to find Kenpachi – he'll have the answers. Speaking of, there he is. Sprawled out in his favourite position, sake cup at hand while he stares into space. "Captain, I'm home!" It always irritates him when I'm happy so I fluff my hair a little and flop down beside him.

"Huh. Bring the idiot?" So the gossip has made it this far already; even he thinks Ikkaku will be kicked out. I laugh and shake my head. "Huh."

"I'm moving back in, isn't that lovely?" He grunts and I look around. At this time in the afternoon, Yachiru is always playing in the yard but I don't hear anything. Yet I hesitate to ask; Kenpachi isn't known for his patience with useless questions and Yachiru's whereabouts usually counted.

Small talk has never been Kenpachi's strong point and we sit in silence. "Go get the brat."

Finally. "Where is she?" I'm terribly curious.

He shrugs. "Somethin' about the Tenth. That Lieutenant, the one the guys like so much, she came by." What would Matsumoto want with Yachiru?

They are friends, of a sort, but they hardly have anything in common. Unless…Yachiru isn't taking an interest in guys? No, can't be. But it would explain the Captain's bad mood. And the bowing in the hall; no one wants to be around if Yachiru should decide to date. And I will definitely be in the most direct line of fire. Crap. "Sure, I'll go find her and bring her back for supper." Be casual, be casual. Oh, Ikka is going to die when he hears this!

It only takes a moment to flit by the Tenth and to follow the sound of delirious squeals. Well, they certainly sound like they're having fun. I pass Captain Hitsugaya in the hall and he looks like he means to stop me for a second then shakes his head and moves on. What in the world are they doing in there?

Ah. A Fourth division member is sitting on the floor, surrounded by makeup and frilly bonnets. Matsumoto is giving lessons while Yachiru just draws aimlessly on the hapless boy's face. And chest and anywhere else she can reach. I clear my throat and am met with identically manic grins. "Yumi! Sit down, have a drink!" The sake bottle is waved at me cheerfully and I realize Rangiku's mania comes directly from the alcohol she's pouring down her throat.

Must be trying to shore up her courage to baby-sit. I decline politely and ignore the pout. "Lieutenant, I believe the Captain is getting ready for supper. Would you care to join us?" Her hands don't even pause in applying blue streaks to the trembling lips. "We're having stew tonight." Her favourite with plenty of little pieces to throw. If she gets rice as well, she'll be content for the entire meal, or half an hour, whichever is shorter.

"There!" She sits back with a pleased look to check her handy work. The young man looks about ready to faint but sits still pretty bravely for a Fourth division man. "Look, look, he's so pretty!"

"Charming. Lieutenant, it is time for the evening meal. Would you care to accompany me home?" I try to use formal language with her, hoping that she will pick up on it. Or at least some basic manners.

"Yeah! Let's go, Feather Brow!" I sigh and start to follow the dust trail; as always, another failure.

"Yumi, wait up, k?" Rangiku struggles to get to her feet then flops back down. I can't believe she's actually still speaking, never mind clearly. "What the hell is going on? I heard Izuru was in some kind of fight with Ikkaku then got in a scrap with the officers from the Fifth. Beat the shit out of them." What? Surprise must show on my face because she leans over, almost spilling out of her top for real, as opposed to the usual pretending she does. "Ha! You didn't know either!"

I glare and turn my back. I will not defend my information gathering skills to a drunk, no matter how well endowed. Her giggles take on an almost hysterical note. "I hear you got kicked out." I grit my teeth and take a step towards the door. "Whatsa matter? Finally lose?" My hands clench in fists and I force them to release before she notices; I will not let her see that she has bothered me.

"Perhaps you should worry about your own love life, hm? Hisagi is free again, you know. Perhaps you have a chance now." For the first time, the mention of Shuhei doesn't hurt, overlapped by rage. The door shuts firmly behind me and I stomp back home. That drunken bitch, how dare she pick at me? And Kira did not steal Ikka from me.

We're sharing.

Matsumoto

The door slams behind him and I stare at it for a moment before setting my glass down. This is so fucked up. I flop backwards and stare at the ceiling. Why did I say that? Am I really so petty as to kick him when he's down, over some guy?

Maybe.

And it's not as if it was a particularly important man either; I don't need Hisagi, I just kind of wanted him. I'll have to apologize later, maybe get a new ribbon for Yumi. He'll forgive almost anything for a nice ribbon or new scarf. I just can't believe I attacked him like that. The hurt flashing in his eyes before they iced over makes my stomach feel gross.

Everything is such a mess. Since Gin left, turned his back on everything for Aizen. I knew he loved his old Captain but I never realized he was so obsessed. Guilt teases at the edge of my mind but I stomp on it ruthlessly; he made his choice, for whatever reason, and it is his problem. Mine too, because he was, and is, my friend, but he did it and he has to live with the consequences.

I hope he's happy, if only for a while.

The alcohol is making me sappy. I should stop. But one more sip won't hurt – I'm already tanked. I lift my head enough to let bitterness slide down my throat and lick my lips before sprawling back out on the floor. Poor Yumichika, he really is a good man and doesn't deserve this. But neither does Izuru, possibly the most darling man in all existence, if only he'd stand up for himself a little more. It's Ikkaku, he fucks things up just by being.

He's loud and rude and _obnoxious_ and he'd rather scrap than drink, which is just plain crazy. Speaking of, I should have another sip. Just a little bit. The bottle tips but nothing comes out. Empty. How could it be empty? It's a brand new bottle, I just bought it this morning. Well damn. What was I thinking about? Oh, Ikkaku. That bastard. How does he get to be so perfect no matter what kind of mess he is? Kira thinks he's the best thing to ever happen to him, Hisagi and Renji used to follow him like puppies, still do if they think no one will see, Yumichika would give up everything just to spend another day with him, already has from the stories I hear about before they came here.

I'm so drunk. It isn't Ikkaku's fault, it's nobody's fault our lives are so fucked. I wonder if they were before Aizen abandoned ship. Maybe it was always a mess but we wanted so desperately to be blind that we ignored the signs and covered our ears against warnings. Yoruichi and Urahara were right; it is a mess and was a hundred years ago.

"Matsumoto!" Uh oh. The Captain is back. "Get up and go to bed." He sounds so angry but not even a little disappointed in me. Maybe it's not a shock anymore.

"Hey, Shirou-chan, have a drink with me!" I giggle helplessly under his glare; I am so drunk! "But you'll have to go get more, we're out."

The soft pad of his feet approaches and I lean my head back to look up, grinning away. A knee hits the floor inches away and he leans over me, staring down into my eyes. "Matsumoto, you need to get up." So serious and cute. My arms weave back awkwardly to wrap around his neck but he shrugs them off. "Get up. Stop drinking and get going."

"Sure. If you gimme a kiss." Ha, like he will. Soft breath against my cheek in a sigh and he pulls away. I knew it. Another night on the floor.

I 'eep' as I'm lifted and tossed over a shoulder that isn't even wide enough to hold me. The bed is almost hard as I'm tossed down. "Get it together. Don't think you're the only one who wants to forget." Forget? I don't want to forget, I want to remember. Everything, the way we laughed and made our way through every day, the way life was simple and worked. He turns to leave and I grab his sleeve, clinging to the white fabric.

"Hitsugaya, do you think they're happy?" A brow lifts at me and I clarify. "Everyone. Kira and Shuhei and Momo and Rukia and Renji and Ikkaku and Yumichika and Nanao, and, and us. Are we happy?"

Those fascinating eyes stare down, so blue and pale they could be blind. He remains silent for a long time, just standing and looking at me. "Maybe not. Does it matter? Falling won't make it better, Rangiku." A short tug of his arm and he's free to leave, closing the door behind him. The wood blurs in front of my eyes before my head falls to the bed.

I'm not crying. I'm not, I won't, they don't deserve it.

But maybe I do.


End file.
